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I'll try to keep this as short as possible, which won't be easy.<br><br>
This summer, DH and I will have been married 13 years. Since I've known him, he's always been very creative -- builds furniture, has 20 home improvement projects going at one time, gardens, etc. He's also had passing interests in drawing and photography over the years.<br><br>
When I was pg w/ DS, an artist (painter) friend of ours asked DH to help him with a series of female nudes he wanted to paint. The friend is not much of a photographer and needed someone who was better at it to take the pics so that he could paint from the pics. DH did it, with my knowledge and consent. The model was a friend of ours. Being pg, I was feeling insecure, but I put on a happy face, the project was done, and everyone seemed pleased with the result.<br><br>
Then ... when DS was about 6 months old, DH said that the photo project that he did with the painter was really great and that he wanted to explore fine art nude photography. I was too delerious with my new baby, getting back to work life and really just agreed without thinking about it much. He set up a shoot with the same model/friend and she came to our house. At which point, I freaked out. DH and I had a Big Talk and I said I was just feeling insecure and my body was still very much post-partum, plus breastfeeding, and it was just hard for me to have him taking (beautiful) nude photos of a younger, non-mom-body female. He seemed to understand and I said I wanted to get over my insecurities. He said he wanted to do a photo session with me sometime, but we don't have reliable childcare other than (now) preschool for DS. (To make the timeline make sense, I went back to work after maternity leave for 6 mos., then quit my job to SAH, then went back to work last summer and DS started preschool.)<br><br>
Now it's 3+ years later. He's done more shoots, used different models (all people we knew, until recently), bought gobs of photo equipment, rented a studio, and very much thinks of himself as an artist, which he probably always was, but this has been the most real manifestation. We've had many "discussions" since then. All of his models have been <span style="text-decoration:underline;">not</span> moms, and VERY physically fit. (I'm semi-fit, height weight proportionate, but not exacty made of steel.) The photographs themselves are stark, beautiful, but somewhat erotic in some cases. I've stopped bringing up any sort of photo shoot that would involve me because I feel so insecure about the whole thing that I just don't want to. It's not a situation where I can just lose 10 pounds and feel better about myself -- no amount of exercise is going to re-inflate or lift my sagging breasts, or erase my spider veins, or make my legs longer.<br><br>
I'm sure this might have seemed better placed in PAP, but that's not what this is about. I hate that I feel so insecure about all of this, but I do. DH has basically decided that I just don't understand art and seems mystified by the insecurity coming from me. Which I can't wrap my mind around -- how can he not get that? Anyway, the "personal growth" point of this is how in the world can I let go of this insecurity about my physical self? DH and I have a mostly good relationship -- one that is showing its years in that we're not very romantic, etc. But we treat each other well and I honesetly don't believe that this is all an elaborate ruse to meet women to cheat on me with, or anything like that. I want DH to explore his artistic self and I want to be OK with it.<br><br><br>
Thoughts?<br><br>
Thanks.
This summer, DH and I will have been married 13 years. Since I've known him, he's always been very creative -- builds furniture, has 20 home improvement projects going at one time, gardens, etc. He's also had passing interests in drawing and photography over the years.<br><br>
When I was pg w/ DS, an artist (painter) friend of ours asked DH to help him with a series of female nudes he wanted to paint. The friend is not much of a photographer and needed someone who was better at it to take the pics so that he could paint from the pics. DH did it, with my knowledge and consent. The model was a friend of ours. Being pg, I was feeling insecure, but I put on a happy face, the project was done, and everyone seemed pleased with the result.<br><br>
Then ... when DS was about 6 months old, DH said that the photo project that he did with the painter was really great and that he wanted to explore fine art nude photography. I was too delerious with my new baby, getting back to work life and really just agreed without thinking about it much. He set up a shoot with the same model/friend and she came to our house. At which point, I freaked out. DH and I had a Big Talk and I said I was just feeling insecure and my body was still very much post-partum, plus breastfeeding, and it was just hard for me to have him taking (beautiful) nude photos of a younger, non-mom-body female. He seemed to understand and I said I wanted to get over my insecurities. He said he wanted to do a photo session with me sometime, but we don't have reliable childcare other than (now) preschool for DS. (To make the timeline make sense, I went back to work after maternity leave for 6 mos., then quit my job to SAH, then went back to work last summer and DS started preschool.)<br><br>
Now it's 3+ years later. He's done more shoots, used different models (all people we knew, until recently), bought gobs of photo equipment, rented a studio, and very much thinks of himself as an artist, which he probably always was, but this has been the most real manifestation. We've had many "discussions" since then. All of his models have been <span style="text-decoration:underline;">not</span> moms, and VERY physically fit. (I'm semi-fit, height weight proportionate, but not exacty made of steel.) The photographs themselves are stark, beautiful, but somewhat erotic in some cases. I've stopped bringing up any sort of photo shoot that would involve me because I feel so insecure about the whole thing that I just don't want to. It's not a situation where I can just lose 10 pounds and feel better about myself -- no amount of exercise is going to re-inflate or lift my sagging breasts, or erase my spider veins, or make my legs longer.<br><br>
I'm sure this might have seemed better placed in PAP, but that's not what this is about. I hate that I feel so insecure about all of this, but I do. DH has basically decided that I just don't understand art and seems mystified by the insecurity coming from me. Which I can't wrap my mind around -- how can he not get that? Anyway, the "personal growth" point of this is how in the world can I let go of this insecurity about my physical self? DH and I have a mostly good relationship -- one that is showing its years in that we're not very romantic, etc. But we treat each other well and I honesetly don't believe that this is all an elaborate ruse to meet women to cheat on me with, or anything like that. I want DH to explore his artistic self and I want to be OK with it.<br><br><br>
Thoughts?<br><br>
Thanks.
