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OK, flame away lol. I am only 23, but I don't really have any desire to work full time (for a while at least). I wish I could do all the things that I feel I *should* do (according to my own standards, not DP's) like keep a clean house, shower and do my hair and make-up every day, have the laundry folded, make Dp's lunch every night, and have a nice dinner waiting for him when he gets home, work part-0time, and take care of the babe. I know this is stereotypical, but this is what I wish I could do! I have to work about 10-15 hours a week from home, unfortunately, and this takes up mt *free* time (when DD naps). I must admit, MDC takes up a lot of my time too. Also, part of it is that I have never been a clean person, always been messy <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> But I want to be clean! I love a clean house, it always makes me feel better, but I also think a part of me is kind of lazy, lol. So really the only thing I do right is take care of DD (which is the most important of course). I am fortunate to have a babe who sleeps from 8 at night until the morning, so at night I have lots of free time, but I usually just want to go on here or watch a movie with DP...what can I do to get this stuff done? Throw my computer out a window and quit my job? TIA.
 

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Well...all of those things are completely reasonable. You should read what some of the mama's here on MDC are capable of doing on a daily basis. Makes my head spin <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br>
Good luck!
 

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First, I don't think you're crazy & you'll get no flames from me. Sounds like your priorities are straight (child first), but you're just feeling like you need some guidance to get everything together a bit more. Also, I noticed that your baby isn't even 4 months old yet. You're still getting into the swing of things & learning your new babes personality & habits.<br><br>
For the housework stuff I highly recommend <a href="http://www.flylady.com" target="_blank">www.flylady.com</a> . She has lots of great tips on how to get yourself onto a schedule & declutter.<br><br>
Cooking is hard with little ones! I know some ladies on here have had really good luck with cooking ahead & freezing. Don't feel like you have to spend a whole day cooking either. Just double or triple it whenever you DO cook & freeze the leftovers in freezer baggies. Make sure you label them well with what's inside, the date, and reheating directions. Bread, muffins, pancakes & cookies all freeze up really well too.<br><br>
Shower in the evening & lay out your clothes then too so it's quicker when you get up in the morning. Get dressed (almost) every day! Seriously, I might get flamed for that myself, but it makes SUCH a difference in the way you approach your day.<br><br>
Mostly, just be realistic! You're not going to go from messy to neat overnight. Especially with a newborn babe to care for. Check on-line for a few home organizing & household management type sites to get some ideas. Add one new habit or routine into your day every week or two. In a couple months I bet you'll be noticing a big difference!<br><br>
Blessings,<br>
Holly
 

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Yup - I was gonna suggest flylady.
 

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I think it's good to have a goal. Perfection may be over-rated <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: but striving for something close does not make you a bad person. Are there any smaller goals you can set for yourself that are achievable? Maybe then the big goal will not seem so out of reach. Some days a good goal for me is to just go to bed with a clean kitchen sink (this is a flylady thing although she has a thing about scouring the sink while I am happy if mine is empty). There may be toys on the floor, laundry in the basket but my sink is empty! Achieving the small things can be very satifying.
 

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I feel the same way you do. It's kind of old fashioned idealism, but it's who I want to be. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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You might like the book Happy Housewives by Darla Shine.<br><br>
Not a book for everyone - but I think you would enjoy it.
 

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here's the thing, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be the 'perfect' housewife. in fact, i think it's a very noble goal if it is something that fulfills you deeply.<br><br>
there are a number of things that i want to do too, that are very 'housewifey' (though i don't think i'm putting the pressure on mself like you seem to):<br><br>
most of the basics i already have down. every day, i clean a part of the house, wash the dishes, straighten up, fold laundry and put it away, get a shower and look nice (i don't wear make up anyway--never have). I also work roughly part time (little more than you) as a yoga teacher/thai massage practitioner. All that's easy enough. I tend to cook about 1/2 of our meals meals; DH also does a lot of cooking (mosstly for himself, he eats 3000 cals a day--that's a lot of food. so he's responsible for a lot of it--particularly his own lunches, etc).<br><br>
but there are things that i want to do: grow some of our own foods (suburban homestead) possibly including goats and ducks (for milk/eggs); make our own soaps and personal care items (i've already started this process--it's fun); potentially make my own clothes (though at this time, it doesn't look like that's going to happen); take care of children (we do not have children yet) which includes crazy unschooling. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
maybe that's ambitious stuff, but it's what i would like to do. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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i am with you on wanting to be at home and be GOOD at it, rather than be tirn all the time. i have no idea if this will work for your family, but my husband and i get up together and he watches the baby while i get myself pulled together. it gives me a jump on the day, and my chores. as my ds gets older, i can distract him long enough to clean the shower or fold some clothes. i make everything a mini-chore. and i will occasionally resort to a baby einstein to get the mopping done! some days i just have to force myself to be computer-free, too, as that's a big time-eater for me. don't feel bad about things if you only pair one sock somedays - the baby is only a baby for now, but dirty socks are forever!
 

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I agree with you, I'm the same age, and my whole life at school, the teacher would always get mad at me with the "what do you want to be when you grow up" question. I always answered a mom and housewife......they acted like I didn't know women had the vote and feminists had exsisted.<br><br>
although, as I got older and reality of being a mom set in, i did relax my standards, but I am trying to do more as ds gets older.
 

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I feel the same way too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I also want to be the perfect homemaker! I want to give my kids a great childhood, the kind I had. Which for me means an orderly home, heathy meals, lots of free time, crafts with Mom..<br><br>
Anna
 

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I could have wrote your first post! LOL i'm also a 23 year old sahm that works about 20 hours a week at home, only diffance is that i have 3 kids to keep up with and run around after! LOL my ds is 6 so he goes to school all day, my 4.5 year old goes to 2 preschools b/c she's very advanced and i refused to start her in k5 till she's really 5, but the preschool wanted to push her on, i said no i woudl enrole her at 2 perschools on for advanced students so she's more challenged then at the typical preschool...<br>
My youngest is 2 years old and home with my 24/7. I often feel like i can't keep up with the house 1/2 as much as I would like to, we are planing on moving over the next 2 months and i'm hoping having a bigger home with more space and less clutter, as we are declutting our home as we pack/move/ clean the home we have sold. but really it's hard some times...
 

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I feel the same way...although I am a 33yr old SAHM and I still haven't figured it all out yet. I do try hard everyday though to meet my idea of a perfect housewife. I've worked part-time in the past and I did find it harder to keep up with things when I was working. I am another one who thinks FlyLady might be a good idea...it sure helped me. Whether it is an old fashioned thought or not I do feel more fulfilled being a mom and wife and making our home into a cozy nest for my family. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I second the Happy Housewives book by Darla Shrine. It sounds like exactly what you are looking for.
 

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I was going to suggest Flylady but somebody beat me to it!<br><br>
I don't think that perfection is a reasonable goal, though. Flylady is actually very anti-perfectionistic. She is about having routines and running through through them, rather than getting hung up on doing one thing perfect, or putting things off until you have time to do them perfectly.<br><br>
The basic idea of Flylady is that you have a morning routine of things you do every morning in the same order. After you do it for a while, it becomes a habit and then seems to just happen automatically. here's mine:<br><br>
1. start a load of laundry<br>
2. do yoga/pilates DVD<br>
3. put laundry in drier<br>
4. empty dishwasher<br>
5. take shower, get dressed, put on make up.<br>
6. fold and put away laundry.<br><br>
Mine is different than flyladies, and would be different if I were taking care of a baby, but you get the idea.<br><br>
My evening routine is:<br><br>
1. the whole family picks up the house for 10 minutes. This is when shoes go back in closets, toys that have migrated during the day get taken back to where they came from, random dishes go back to the kitchen room etc. It is very important to keep this step SHORT so that everyone stays focused. Set the timer. This is one of the most important steps because it is all the random stuff sitting around that really makes the house look messy and makes me feel "behind." I started this when my kids were 2 and 3 and I gotta say, if they can walk, then hand them things and tell them where to put them. You will never regret spending 10 minutes a day teaching your kids to pick up.<br><br>
2. my kids put on their jammies while I start the dishwasher (my kids are bigger, so obviously you tweak this step for your family)<br><br>
3. Help kids with teeth, read to them, and tuck them in.<br><br>
4. Brush my teeth and wash my face.<br><br>
The idea is to figure out what the basic things are that you need to do everyday, what order they make the most sense, and then turn them into habits. Start with SHORT routines and build up gradually, or you will crash and burn.<br><br>
The next step is to set aside one day for each major job in running the house. Mine is different from flyladies. On Wednesday I tidy the fridge and pantry, and make a menu plan for the next week and a grocery list. This is an important step in having dinner on the table everynight! On Thursday I grocery shop, go to the bank, and fill up my car with gas. On Firday, I vacuum, mop, dust, windex, and change the sheets. When we start the weekend, the house is clean and full of food. It's GREAT.<br><br>
I highly recommend the flylady website! I really helped me get my act together. I was working really hard before, but with no plan, and therefore just spinning my wheels.
 

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I can definitely empathize. I also want to be the perfect homemaker. I think, though, that what Linda said about not trying to be perfect is true. For me, at least, if I try to be perfect and fall short (only happens every half hour or so<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ), I tend to lose motivation. It's too easy for me to get discouraged because the floor's dirty and there are toys everywhere and then just give up because it's not perfect, so why try?<br><br>
When I start feeling discouraged, I try to make myself do something, even if it's just for five minutes. This helps <i>a lot.</i> It's amazing what you can get done in just a few minutes. In five minutes, I can get all the toys and cushions (forts are a big activity here right now!) cleaned up or I can get the kitchen floor dustbustered and spot mopped or I can sweep the entryway and get all those fall leaves back out the door. Doing any of these things really helps my mental outlook and helps inspire me to do more.<br><br>
If you really want to be more productive during the day, you could try writing a basic checklist of things to do each day. That helps me organize my efforts and reminds me to do things like check the laundry so I don't leave it mildewing in the washer! It's also satisfying for me to have a list at the end of the day to show what I've done. Each thing on it may be trivial, but having a list of 20 things makes me feel really good--and the house looks better too! (I'll list things like clean bathroom sink, unload dishwasher, make lunch for DS, fold laundry and so on.)<br><br>
And Flylady can be great for helping to get started. I get the emails as a daily digest instead of individual emails. If you try Flylady, be warned that the individual emails can be kind of overwhelming (like 20 a day), but getting one or two digests a day is really helpful to me!<br><br>
Also, check out the decluttering/organizing thread under mindful home management!
 

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I feel that way too! I really beat myself up when I dont get everything I want to done, but I'm at that point in my pregnancy where I need TONS of sleep and am just generally achey and uncomfortable.<br>
I do a version of the fly lady and that helps. It's important to find something that works for you. My nephews love helping my sister with housework. Especially laundry, so maybe you can put your dc to work!<br>
Keep us updated on how you're doing!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>rainyday</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/6491071"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It's too easy for me to get discouraged because the floor's dirty and there are toys everywhere and then just give up because it's not perfect, so why try?</div>
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I think this is natural. The truth is that when you have small children, if you are a fun relaxed mom then your house will always look a bit lived in. One of my friends has a sign on her front door that says:<br><br><i>Cleaning house while children are growing is like shoveling snow while it is still snowing.</i><br><br>
I think the trick is to figure out how to keep shoveling snow so you don't get buried, without getting freaked out about the fact that it just keeps snowing. It's why routines, rather than trying to make it perfect, are the key.
 
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