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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I recently left my abusive ex. Right now I am living in a shelter for battered women together with our children.<br>
We have gotten ourselfes a small rented house with a tiny garden and will be getting the keys next week.<br>
I am feeling very at peace with my decision not to be going back to him - the abuse has escalated very much in the past year and it would not be safe for us.<br>
I am still grieving all that will not be - but right now I am filled up with the thought of having to be all on our own every day. The kids are all very young and it can be hard enough being two parents. Being on my own is just - overwhelming. Just today I completely lost it at bedtime - none of the kids would sleep and I got way too angry and felt miserable afterwards.<br>
I do feel pretty strong most of the time - stronger than I have felt in years - since I met him actually - so I dont doubt that we can do it - its just overwhelming, scary and I could use some cheering..<br>
I am also dealing with the costudy issue. I doubt he will get costudy considering the circumstances, but what if?<br>
Phew - this is just so overwhelming - I need reassurence and advice on how to handle three small kids all alone - all the time.. TIA
 

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I don't have much advice for you mama, just that it gets easier and easier as they get older. When the weather is nice, lots of time at the park, wear them out. LOL<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> and good luck.
 

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Hi! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wave.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wave"><br><br>
Things will get better! (well, maybe not all the time, but over time they will, I promise!)<br><br>
I also left my abusive husband and stayed in a women's shelter for over five weeks with my three children as I awaited a judgement from the court that granted me the right to live in our apartment and have him expelled. I also obtained full custody with supervised visitation.<br><br>
I know that courage it took to do what you did!!! BRAVO to you!!! Life gave you a beautiful opportunity to show your courage and you did!<br><br>
And I must say, that no matter how things get now (crazy, sad, exhausting) at times, NOTHING has even been as hard as those first few steps I took to walk from the car that brought me to the shelter and the shelter's front door.<br><br>
I remember how overwhelming it was to be alone with three kids - I was dizzy and scared and so worried. But I knew all along I had made the right choice. Things with my husband only got worse after I left, which confirmed my fears about what would have happened had I stayed...<br><br>
As for the custody issue, each case is quite different, depending on the circumstances and where you are. I would say, be firm and think "business". Often, custody conditions will get more "loose" with time, not the opposite. So, it seems to be best to ask for more stringent conditions (supervised visitation if there are grounds) and then agree on more visitation with time.<br><br>
In my case, my husband was physically abusive with me only once but several times with our son so I asked for supervised visitation. Now, six months later, he has just started limited unsupervised visitation and I still have full custody.<br><br>
Good luck on this new adventure!!!
 

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Oh and I forgot to add, one thing that helped tremendously was to set routines for our days (we started at the shelter and then continued at home) and STICK to them, no matter how hard and tiring your days can be! It was really hard at first but so helpful in the long term. Also, it helped me because I didn't have to think what our next step would be all the time, I already knew from our routine. Sometimes I just couldn't think anymore lol so it helped to have a pre-set plan to follow.<br><br>
And other than the routine and occasional outings and movie nights, we did nothing else. I couldn't take the stress of planning or getting ready or organizing anything.<br><br>
Only weeks later did we start adding outside activites with friends or groups (homeschooling group). And for me, I restarted my home-business (a party plan business).
 

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Congratulations on making it this far, it will only get better. I spent 9 months in a DV shelter with my 5 kids, all under the age of 10. I have been on my own with them for nearly 2 years and although i have had some rough spots the kids and i have a way better life.My kids dad got supervised visits but has never used them.
 

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It WILL get better!<br><br>
I spent time in a womens shelter with my children and I actually<br>
think that was more stressful than living with my ex!<br><br>
It is a day by day process.<br>
Take advantage of anything the shelter offers you-support<br>
groups, etc.<br><br>
I am sure once you get in your own home you will breathe a big<br>
sigh of relief.<br><br>
It is hard to be on your own- but you will really come to appreciate<br>
the peace.<br>
Yes! A schedule is very important.<br>
Not sure what it is like in the shelter you are in, but that<br>
can be a big stress on you and the children.<br><br>
I am proud of you for leaving!<br><br>
Hope
 

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Good for you, mama! You did it!<br><br>
Bed time is a real doozy for me, too- I'm tired, they're tired, I want to sleep and they want to bounce off the walls. If there's anything that has made me feel like I can't handle the single mom with multiple small kids thing, it's bed time. The only thing I've found to help myself has been to remember it's coming and start on the self talk early in the routine. And to be aware so I can say, 'I'm starting to get angry, I need to go out to calm down"- before I begin yelling.<br><br>
My kids were extra hard for the first few months afer we left, crying and fighting and whining. But they took in the peace 'I' gained from having safety and privacy and freedom, and now after almost a year it's just a whole new world.<br><br>
It's going to be great! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Wow -- you've done so much of the hard work already, momma. Good for you! Taking that step to leave must have been so difficult, but here you are <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> You absolutely can and will continue to do what's best for you and your little monsters. You may feel overwhelmed now, which is totally expected, just remember that each new day <i>will</i> get easier. You are a strong, brave and loving woman <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks for all the support.<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">My kids were extra hard for the first few months afer we left, crying and fighting and whining. But they took in the peace 'I' gained from having safety and privacy and freedom, and now after almost a year it's just a whole new world.</td>
</tr></table></div>
Thanks. I am having the same problems with mine. It is a pretty good shelter, but there are a lot of people all the time and the kids are angry and testing my limits all the time. I cant wait to have a normal life again with a job, daycare etc. The kids need that stability bad right now.<br>
I went and got the keys for our new house today, but it will be another couple of weeks before we can get our furniture and move in permanently.<br>
I managed bedtime better today despite them jumping around, crying, demanding food, water etc for several hours.. But it looks like they are sleeping now so I will go sit outside with a coke and enjoy the peace and quiet..<br>
Thanks for letting me vent <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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