This preschool race is making me so sad

You don't have participate in the race. I know it seems so important. I live in an area where a lot of people worry about this, and some schools are more 'prestige'. That's true for the adults, but kids don't care. It's sad that parents have this added layer of stress and it's horrible that anyone would see a tiny child's life as being negatvely impacted by not going to 'the right preschool'. It wouldn't have the prestige if 'anyone and everyone' could attend, kwim?.

But you can opt out of this mentality. You don't have to play that game. You can take her to museums yourself, without the downside of her being in a large group doing it. With you, she can go at her own pace, and not be one in a crowd. It's terribly sad when parents are fed stuff like this. Her childhood is not over, the bliss of being little can exist without 'the perfect' preschool. That's a myth.

ETA-- You live in SF. There are lots of preschoolers at home with their parents there. You have a great city at your feet, and plenty of other preschool parents whose kids didn't get into that school. You don't have to sit in traffic at all. Even if you choose school later, she doesn't have to go now...enjoy her and forget the traffic if there isn't a 'good' preschool close to you. I know this isn't the hsing forum (half my kids are hs'd and 1/2 go to school, so I read everything here) but you and your children can chill together next year with other hsing families of preschoolers and regroup. There are options, is all I am saying, to preschool.

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That's why I suggest checking in with other folks through local hsing groups. There are lots of hsers in your corner of the world. I am going to say it: Preschool can be lots of fun, but there is plenty of fun to be had without preschool. If you do not know any hsers, call a local LLL group and ask if they know of any groups in your area. Our hsing group has lots of little children, and lots of opportunities to get together and have fun. You know the best time to go to muesums? At lunch-- all the school kids have cleared out and you will have the place to yourselves. You and a couple of other hsers with their little ones can go about your studies without the chaos of large groups of children jostling for position.

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Well...as I said in my first post, it doesn't have to be forever:

--There are lots of preschoolers at home with their parents there. You have a great city at your feet, and plenty of other preschool parents whose kids didn't get into that school. You don't have to sit in traffic at all. Even if you choose school later, she doesn't have to go now...enjoy her and forget the traffic if there isn't a 'good' preschool close to you. I know this isn't the hsing forum (half my kids are hs'd and 1/2 go to school, so I read everything here) but you and your children can chill together next year with other hsing families of preschoolers and regroup. There are options, is all.--

Take it year by year.

NYC is great. We are really enjoying ourselves there! We move again in a year though, as always with the Coast Guard. We'll find out where in Oct!

I remember stressing at preschool and "socialization" at various times, but in reality, it is not necessary at such a young age. I have found that playgroup and a class are enough. We LOVED doing Music Together, and met other mommies there. I know how hard it is to find families who don't automatically send their kids off to preschool as soon as they are old enough, but they are out there. SF has a lot to offer, I am sure you can find some other fun activity you can all do with other kids. All you really need is one mommy friend with a child of similar age so you can both have a "playdate". (of course her parenting will have to better match yours...and I would think in SF that wouldn't be too difficult). Do the other kids you know go to preschool every day? She doesn't need to have a playdate every single day. After rushing around last year with DS in a bit too many activities, I discovered that less IS more. And DD really has nothing much yet. We did Music Together, which she enjoyed, and playgroup every Friday. That and getting outside on her bike and such have really been enough for her. Remember, preschool is a very new concept in the span of time, most children's first taste of school was kindergarten until the past 30 years or so.

Teehee, Lilli is riding her rocking horse right now "talking" to one of my friends on the phone....aren't our girls getting fun?

ETA The park is really the biggest hit around here, with BOTH of my kids, no matter what age. And at 2, they really aren't playing with the other kids yet anyway...

First - I wouldn't give up yet. Make sure your DD is on the waiting list for next year's class. Stop by in person, speak to whoever is in charge of admissions and make sure DD is on that waiting list. Then stop by again in a month or two with a question or information ("Hi, I just wanted to give you our new cell phone number for DD's application"). Let them know you are very interested in a spot. People move, get accepted to two preschools, or decide not to send their DC. Some will go for a week or two, then pull their DC out. So your DD may end up going to the school afterall (my DS got a space at his first preschool the day it began).

Second - I would definitely consider taking the money you would have spent on preschool and hiring a nanny two mornings a week. Maybe a college student who doesn't have class on Tuesdays and Thursday. Make a monthly schedule and have the nanny take DD to activities with other children (library time, toddler art class, playground, etc.). Benefits to nanny over preschool - * you don't have to schleep a baby with you to drop off and pick up
* you can choose if you want to go along with DD and the nanny on an outing or you can stay home with the baby
* you'll never have to wake baby up to go pick DD up from school (no fun, especially when baby is sick and just fell asleep)
* you won't have to worry about taking baby with you to attend class parties and events at the preschool
* if you've been up all night with baby, you won't have to get everyone dressed and out of the house by a certain time
* if you need to go to an appointment without the baby (dentist or such), you've got a built-in time that you can schedule the appointent for without finding childcare for the baby

I found our sitter through the college career counseling service. I do wish I had empowered her earlier to take the children on outings, so I would make sure that is part of the job description.

Good luck finding a solution that works for your family!

Can I just say I am : over the idea of needing to enroll children in preschool at birth?

I agree, don't play the game. PP had great ideas about getting the pieces you feel your dd is missing by not going to preschool.

Besides, Reggio developed from a universal infant care and preschool concept for ALL children in the town. Is a school that is that elitist truly going to foster the Reggio philosophy?? Is a school with that attitude really the environment you want your dd to grow up in, no matter how good the school is otherwise?

There are other ways to fairly choose students for selected spots, like having a certain ap deadline each year and then drawing a lottery if there are more students than spots (but once you're in, you're in, and siblings get first shot). I really think these schools that are so hard to get into are all about feeding the egos of the administrators and parents, and have little to do with what's best for the kids.

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Umm, friends? She is 1 1/2?

Honestly, kids generally do not play together until they are 3. Until then they play side by side. (this is a generalization, b/c some kids do play together well before then...my girls... but as a rule of thumb, 3 is the age they start playing together).

Truly, they don't NEED preschool. Can't you keep her on a wait list for the school, and maybe she can get in next year or if a new slot opens up? Have you talked to the school you want about this possibility... let them know you REALLLLLY want this school and want to be on a wait list, that you'd rather wait for this school than go anywhere... just talk with them and figure out how you can make it happen at some point, if that is what you really want.

And yes, you can do things at home. I have a 2 month old and a 3 and 4 year old... all of us are at home.

Tammy

Here's an article that might help think it through - the title is taken from a comment the author's little boy said upon coming home from his 3rd day of preschool:
"Preschool Is A Stupid, Boring, Waste of My Time!"

I have to add that my own child did go to preschool, and it was okay - even quite fun at times, and the teachers were absolutely wonderful (it was in Mill Valley, across the bridge from you) - although it before the time when preschools started pushing 3Rs in any way. But with all the fun resources available today, you can very easily provide all the fun stimulation a child that age needs - without the expense and hassle. It was definitely a mixed bag - there were lots of days when my little one didn't want to go into that big crowd of children. If it hadn't been that his best little buddy went there, we might not have done it - although I must admit that I was influenced by everyone telling me this was an absolute must in order to get ready for kindergarten in following years. I knew nothing at the time about all this, and they had older children, so I assumed they knew. Looking back, I think it was simply local tradition. - Lillian