[phoenix78]

<p>Hi Mamas,</p>
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<p>I took a break from Mothering after posting for a while during my loss at 12.5 weeks (in late Sept) of my third preg...I had a D&C on Sept 20th and we asked to have the remains, if any, cremated.  Surprisingly, there were ashes and it took me a while to work up to what to do with them.  My husband organized a beautiful ceremony in our garden on Halloween, which is about how long it took me to be able to even let go of the ashes.  Since then, I thought I was doing okay.  I've not been consumed with it every hour of the day like originally but am frustrated by how many people think I should be "over" it by now.  Even DH, who was so incredibly supportive for the first 6 weeks or so doesn't seem to understand why I am still thinking about how, e.g., I should have been 20ish weeks now, how I would have known the baby's sex, how I would have been buying xmas presents for the baby, how upset I got when a wind storm destroyed the statute of mother and child I had placed by the baby's ashes in the gardent last week, etc.</p>
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<p>I'm just having a bad night.  I got my second period.  The first was very light, 2 days and minor cramping.  This one just started tonight, 2 days into my first dose of sugar pills on Loestrin.  It is bright red, heavy and incredibly painful.  My entire frontside from utuerus to breastbone is hurting so much I can't sleep.    Mostly I just needed to vent but wondering if others who had losses, esp with D&C had such bad periods later. </p>
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<p>I feel like my body has continued to be in revolt.  I'm still gaining a pound a week on average, just like I was pregnant.  I'm up 8lbs since the loss, which seems unfair.  I still have a baby belly that won't go away and I feel very very self concious of it.  My clothes still aren't fitting right.  I'm just so frustrated by this whole experience and would like to know when it'll stop hurting (which I'm starting to think may be never). </p>
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<p>Frustrated and sad, Phoenix</p>

 

[frugalmum]

<p><span><img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif">I'm sorry you have to be here.  I had a missed m/c at 13 weeks, D&C at 17 weeks.  People were initially as stricken as I was, but now... they've just gotten on with their lives while time froze for me on that day.  Maybe it's something only a mama can understand.</span></p>
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<p><span>Blood and pain are very triggering!</span>  I'm so sorry. </p>
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<p>The weight gain and painful periods are concerning, is this normal for you?  Do you have any idea what might be causing the weight gain?  Could it be the Loestrin? </p>

 

[mom-to-jj]

<p>Oh mama, I am so sorry for your loss. I should be 15 weeks pg with my 3rd right now. Of course you are acutely aware of what "should be." None of this was supposed to happen, and when it does, it throws our entire universe out of order.</p>
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<p>It is still pretty early in your grieving process for anyone to expect you to be "over it." My first loss was the most emotionally devastating for me. This time is easier in some ways, mostly because I was not caught off-guard by how deeply I would need to grieve. It's SO normal for husbands to be way ahead in the grieving process for a pregnancy loss. It is a MAJOR source of contention for a lot of couples. You said it exactly: they don't understand. And probably can't, actually. Don't feel pressured to get over it. You're moving through the process at your own pace, one day at a time. It does get better. It just takes a long time. <span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"></span></p>
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<p>I just got my first post-m/c AF. It's heavier and a little crampier than normal. I honestly can't recall AF after my first loss, only that each time it came (for 4 months) it sent me into another wave of grieving, frustration, and almost panic to get pg again and have the monthly reminder of my loss finally end.</p>
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<p>And I've been gaining weight, too. This week I started kickboxing to a DVD, and while I am punching the air as hard as I can I say, "I should be pregnant now! It's not fair! I hate what happened to me!" It's helping. <span><img alt="innocent.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/innocent.gif"></span></p>
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<p><span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"> and healing to you. I hope your better days are just ahead.</span></p>

 

[cappuccinosmom]

<p><span><img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif" style="width:38px;height:16px;"></span></p>
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<p>I'm so sorry.</p>
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<p>I had horrible periods after my d&c.  Horrible.  And also <strong>insane</strong> PMS, I would say bordering on PMDD.  I don't know if it's an option for you but Vitex/chasteberry made a notable difference for me.  It's not curative, but it has made a dent in the severity of those things.  Still though, I know the date by when my PMS starts (two weeks before af now) and when the cramps start (at least a full week before bleeding). </p>
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<p>Weight gain was also a big issue for me. It is just over a year since the d&c and I am only just now starting to see consistent weight loss.  At about a rate of 1 lb a month, though.  <sigh></p>
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<p>I sympathize.  I don't know any answers for you but wanted you to know that you're not alone. </p>