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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How do you avoid possible and totally unintentional disappointment?<br><br>
What I mean is this: I am not finding out the sex until the baby is born. I don't have a gender preference at all, but feel this strong belief that it's going to be a girl. I have two girl names I am totally in love with and find myself looking at girl clothes more than boy clothes (it doesn't help that there is much more selection for girls than boys either).<br>
In another thread, someone said from my belly photo that they are guessing I am having a boy. Obviously this isn't a science or anything but it got me thinking, what if it is a boy? Will I be sad because I feel like this baby is a girl? How do I prepare for this possibility?<br><br>
So any and all suggestions or ideas on how to stay neutral or get excited now for any gender would be much appreciated.
 

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I too am not finding out the sex. My husband is sure it's a girl, I'm sure it's a boy.<br>
If you can find some boy names to get excited about too, that could help. Or talk over with your husband your hopes for how you'd raise a boy, etc. Try to visualize what a son would be like.<br>
I think, in the end, though, that baby comes out of you and you'll love it. I don't believe that its sex will make you feel differently about it. So it doesn't matter that much what your hopes are- you'll be happy to have a baby!
 

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Hope you don't mind me replying...our first two were unknowns (though we did know they were identical)....<br><br>
I think you'll get more comfortable with these thoughts as the pregnancy progresses. I found that, through the months, I'd go through stages of daydreaming about girls (and get really excited about girls), then go through stages of daydreaming about boys (and get really excited about boys). Throughout the pregnancy, I did think more about girls than boys, but I think it's because I'M a girl, and I was raised with just one sister, so boys were completely unknown.<br><br>
They ended up being boys. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"> I'm sure there are some moms who go through disappointment at birth, but I haven't met any. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Trust me...it is such a miracle, such an amazing sight to see YOUR child, that the sex hardly matters. The face matters. The movements, smell, sounds, and teeny-tiny-ness matters, but other than at diaper changes you won't be all that distracted by thoughts of gender. It's just all-consuming love and wonder at the child that IS. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
And hey...I found that shopping for gender-neutral clothing was a sorta-fun challenge. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> I liked it! And those gender-neutral clothes sure have come in handy for future babies!
 

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The moment baby is born you will love them regardless. I have never done it myself but my grandmother who was certain all four of her girls were boys told me it doesnt matter what you are having, when that baby is born you are happy to have THAT baby and not a different one.
 

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Healthy baby is all that matters.<br><br>
We'll pick out both girl and boy names.<br><br>
It's exciting! I'm excited that I will be the first person to know when that kid pops out and get to announce to everyone!<br><br>
Liz
 

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Not really DDC since I am due in Sept, but I haven't officially joined and this is my first post here <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
I felt this way with all 3 of my children and I turned out being right about the gender everytime. So, maybe this is your mother's intuition speaking out?
 

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I didn't find out with DD. My preferences flip flopped between boy and girl until somewhere in the 3rd tri where I just really did not care, at all, but really was convinced it was a boy. Then about a week before birth, I thought, hmm, maybe it's a girl. Maybe. So then I just plain didn't know. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
DD arrived and she had to go to the NICU and the fact that she was a girl was the last thing on my mind. Once your child is your chlid, unless there's severe PPD or something, you'll just love them no matter what.<br><br>
I decided to find out this time only because we were having the CVS done, it was a huge surprise pregnancy, and I wanted to know if I should keep all DD's baby clothes or not. It's good both ways.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MaerynPearl</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15374463"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The moment baby is born you will love them regardless.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that"><br><br>
With my last, we were all certain it was a boy. Even strangers in public would come up to me and say "you're having a boy" (no kidding!!).<br><br>
We bought mostly gender neutral stuff but a lot of it erred on the side of boyish.<br><br>
When "he" came out a SHE I was totally shocked, but in a GOOD way. I was crying tears of joy not because it was a girl, but because it was my baby that I carried for 9 long months. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I actually kind of think NOT finding out in advance will help. Me and my hubby (and pretty much everyone else in the family) are convinced this baby is a girl, and have been since very early on in the pregnancy. Although I started out without a gender preference, I've become so geared up for this little girl, that I think at this point I would be disappointed if I had a U/S that showed a boy. However, I think if I wait to find out when the baby is born I will already be so in love with the little person who just came out of me, that the gender will just be a sidenote.
 

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I was just thinking about this, since we aren't finding out for the first time. I'm also having strong girl feelings, although this is recent. I'm not even thinking about boy names right now. I agree with Marilyn though, I think once I have that beautiful baby in arms, I won't be disappointed at all! I can't imagine looking down at my newborn child and feeling anything but awe. I was disappointed with my son after his 20 week u/s showed "boy" when I was thinking "girl" and although I had 20 weeks to get over it, I don't like now that my first thought upon finding out he was a boy was "Oh, a boy, I wish he was a girl!" This time, I'm quite sure my first though will be, "Oh! My beautiful baby! And we have a XXX" I'm really not worried about it!
 

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I found out the sex this time, for the first time, but didn't with my other three babies. They were birthday surprises!<br><br>
I have to admit that as soon as I looked and saw the sex of the baby I was overjoyed! It just *fit*. THIS was the baby that was supposed to join our family and it felt so right to be holding him/her at that moment. I've also never met a mom disappointed with finding out on the birthday, but I have met a few disappointed with finding out at the u/s. I think that's because at the U/S you can't SEE your baby and count the toes/fingers and marvel at their gorgeousness like you can when you find out on their birthday, kwim? Sure, you can look at a pic of sound waves bouncing off the baby, but it's not the same.
 

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<span>I'm glad I'm not the only one not finding out. It seems like there are fewer and fewer of us.<br><br>
I didn't find out w/ #2 and I was sure she was a boy. Everyone else told me so too. In fact, when she was born, I had to look twice, just to be sure.<br><br>
I was so positive she was going to be a boy, I was truly <i><b>shocked</b></i> she was a girl, but not disappointed. Not sad. It will be wonderful--<br><br>
And as a sidenote, with #2, I suffered severe postpartum psychosis, largely related to the birth itself I think now in retrospect, but bonding with the baby wasn't really a problem. I think I have AP to thank for that! I didn't know it at the time, but AP really helps w/ PPD ect.<br><br>
I don't know of anyone personally who was upset their baby was the opposite gender, but an acquaintance in my circle was. It took her a while to get used to the idea her baby was not the girl she wanted. And I've known a couple of people who brought their boys home to pink rooms because their U/S was wrong!</span>
 

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I'd never thought of it the way some of you have stated: that one is more likely to be disappointed finding out at the U/S than at the birth. It makes total sense. We didn't find out with my son and I had no feelings either way as to whether he was a boy or girl and I LOVED not knowing! I loved being the one to discover his sex and tell everyone. We're not finding out with this one either but I had a moment of indecision based purely on practicality (if it's a girl, as I think it is, I can go ahead now and get rid of the tons of boy clothes I have downstairs!). After reading this thread, I feel better about not knowing again!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Galatea</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15375870"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Does anyone know of someone who was disappointed upon finding out the gender at birth?</div>
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One of my friend's moms, but in a weird way. She wanted a girl SOOO much and was in fact so obsessed with the idea that she decided to convince herself that she was having a boy so she wouldn't be disappointed. This was in the early 80's, so no gender u/s. When she had a girl, she had actually psyched herself out so much on having a boy that she was disappointed and cried. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> She obviously got over it and let herself remember all those reasons she wanted a girl and was thrilled, but in the actual delivery room, she was very upset!<br><br>
My mom also wanted a girl so much she convinced herself she was having a boy and painted everything blue, and here I am. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> But she wasn't disappointed at all. I actually wish my mother had at least one boy because she's so negative about boys, it infuriates me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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interesting story...<br><br>
with our last pregnancy we decided not to find out. But at 256 weeks DH started getting ancy. We agreed to look just ONE time and either see or not see. ( sono @ my MW's home office , not that super duper machine they use for 20+ mins at the lab)<br>
When w couldn't tell the sex because of a well placed umbilical and crossed ankles - it became a challenge. DH wanted to look again, he felt he;d been thwarted.<br>
2nd time - still couldn't tell. At this point I'm totally on board with discovering this 'mystery'. So we end up taking a look at every appointment left in the pregnancy.<br><br>
In the meantime I am having a slight gut feeling that the baby is a girl. Earlier in the pregnancy I had no feeling wither way, but by 30ish weeks I think maybe it's a girl. My mom tho - the resident baby guesser , not wrong in her last 32(!!!!) guesses for friends and family - thinks it's a boy. And so does most everyone else. I carried #3 differently, my cravings were different, and I had no pregnancy face.<br><br>
Finally at 36 weeks the baby cooperates and we are able to get a glimpse past the errant umbilical cord when the legs are uncrossed. Freeze image, rewind ... everyone agrees. It's a boy. plain as day. 8 people in the room -thats a BOY!<br><br>
my 3rd DAUGHTER was born 4 weeks later. I had just spent 4 weeks in boy bliss. I had boxes of little boy dress suits ( i had loaded up on easter clearance in sizes up to 3t... I don;t know if you've ever had to buy a dress clothes for a boy? but it is dang expensive and we need suit clothes for church) i had <b>hand embroidered</b> a newborn cap with the boy name.<br>
Everyone I had ever met had been informed about our soon to b son.<br>
When the baby was born I was in a birth pool and the cord was very short.<br>
I had the baby pulled up to my chest, head just 2 inches above the water line and the cord was taught.<br>
As we waited a few minutes for me to get myself together to climb out ( i wanted to birth the placenta out of the pool since I felt it was precarious there with the cord so very short) I cuddled with my "son".<br>
Xitlaly was near 3 min.s old before I reached down and pushed the tight cord aside to double check.<br>
She was not a boy, she was a girl. And for a heartbeat it really really sucked.<br>
I have to admit. It sucked.<br>
I was absolutely IN LOVE with her. She was in my arms, she was perfect, life was fabulous.<br>
But i really wish I hadn't looked. This time we are sticking with the 'not finding out plan'.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Thanks for all the great perspective mamas.<br><br>
I do think that at that moment of birth, when we finally do get to find out, it will be magical and it won't matter boy or girl because it will be my baby! If my intuition is wrong, it won't matter because I am not relying on it to be right anyway.<br><br>
DH and I talked about it a bit too and are going to work on finding some boy names we absolutely love.<br>
(I've always loved Judah, but am seeing one born in every DDC here! Not that that's a lot, but DH has a very common last name so I want something to separate our kid from the pack just a bit.)<br><br>
One thing on the mothers who hate boys note bri276, DH's mom had only two boys and while she has never said one way or the other a preference genderwise, she always says "I'm just the boy's mom" in relation to all things wedding planning and baby shower planning. It's really frustrating to me because I want her involved.
 

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We found out this time, but did not with babies #2, 3, 4 or 5. In there are 2 boys and 2 girls. I was NEVER disappointed in which flavor of baby came out - I think you'll be thrilled regardless... I guess I was always so happy after birth and thrilled with the baby that to be otherwise never entered the realm of possibility. I was never set on a particular flavor showing up though.
 

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wryknowlicious, Thank you for your story! I had no desire to find out, at all, with DS, but this time 'round I'm so curious to know! You just reaffirmed my desire not to find out until baby is born. I wasn't going to anyways, but all my friends that are pregnant right now are finding out and I was starting to think... maybe... but I won't! Thanks!
 

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Wryknowlicious - before trying to find out dc3's gender, did you WANT a boy? I am curious if that affected your moment of suckage at her birth - if you had 2 girls, and wanted a boy, and the U/S said boy, and you were happy to get what you wanted, and then it was not a boy - that makes total sense! I had 2 boys and then with my 3rd baby, I found out the gender at 15 weeks b/c I just HAD to know if "I was getting my girl," and she was a girl, and I was overjoyed! But if she had popped out boy, I would have been very disappointed, after so long thinking she was the girl I wanted. So I think, if you have a gender preference, the U/S is only good if it shows you what you want!<br><br>
The other night as I was falling asleep, the thought popped into my head very clearly, "It is a girl," but then I don't know b/c I don't feel like I have any intuition.
 
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