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Hi, I guess this could be posted in several places other than here but I will try here first.

DH and I have been married for 4 1/2 years, I was 20 he was 37. We had met almost a year earlier and had been pregnant and miscarried twice.

I should say now that I had a low self-esteem at the time and it still gets triggered sometimes now.

Shortly after we got married, I found porn on his computer. I hated it. I was shocked and considdered splitting up. When we talked about it, he said that he doesn't do it often and that I now know all the skeletons in his closet.

We made an agreement that he wouldn't look up porn anymore.

We were on the verge of splitting up a few years ago and after staying together, I found more porn stored in files on the computer. (We weren't splitting up for anything to do with porn). When I asked him about them, he said that he did it when we were thinking of splitting up so it didn't matter if he broke the agreement.

Everytime this comes up, we never get to fully process it and I have to end up stuffing it.
So now his thing is to look up things like sports illustrated swimsuit stuff which lemme tell ya, is pretty simmilar. Sometimes the women are wearing see-through swimsuits, or they have painted suits on, or they are standing naked next to a clothesline of swimsuits. SO he is still getting his thrill.

I expressed dislike for this and he is really bothered that I can't "accept him for who he is."

I know I have seen the topic of porn in several forums here and everyone has their own opinion, but I really am one of those people who just doesn't feel right knowing that DH is looking at other women, naked, when I am perfectly available to him.
I watch a lot of Dr. Phil and really agree with a lot of what he has said on this topic. He has told one man that he was avoiding intimacy by looking up porn and I think DH might be doing this too. DH loves sex and we make so little time for it anymore.
I really think he has an over-obsession with womens bodies and this is really hard on me because when we go places together, he is constantly checking other women out, it's like I am not even there. I've been to the beach with him and it's like is should just be single checking out all the women. He isn't a sleazy guy trying to pick anyone up or isn't even obvious about it, but it is very obvious to me. I want my partner to be into me.
I really think this is beyond the normal guy looking at women thing. He seems to have something repressed, that is what I see when I look at his eyes while he is doing it. Then he takes it really hard when I express dislike. He used to go to strip clubs a few times (not when I knew him) and used to read playboy magazine when he was younger. He says he has never felt comfortable talking to women and hasn't had many partners in life. He is like the ultimate fantaciser because he never would do anything in real life so he'd dream about it.

I feel less comfortable having him see my naked body after he's been looking at other naked women. This is really sad to me.
I read that 33% of divorces happened in 2003 due to pornography. Maybe it's true maybe not but at least I know that some people do split up over things such as this.
I think it represents a larger problem and since it can't even be dealt with, how could the underlying issue? I feel cheated on.
He has told me that he imagines sleeping with all sorts of women and it just kills me.

I need some love and help.
 
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