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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am curious about potty training a 4 yr old. I dont even think he is ready but there are components that I am starting to think are really different than average age training.

For example, when I ask my son if he pooped, he really doesnt want to talk about it. He generally doesnt want me changing his diaper. (But I do because he wont do it either-he says he wants to leave the poop in the pull up.)

I dont imagine I will ever have an eager, excited son running up to me yelling "I pooped! Change me!" or "I used the potty!" He isnt the least bit excited about it even when I praise him.

What is different about encouraging a 4 yr old?

Jenny
 

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I am sorry I don't have advice, my DS is 3 1/2 & I can see it takeing until he is 4 before he is useing the potty. I want to see what others say.

What you said about him wanting to stay in the poopy diapers made me wonder if he it isn't sensory thing for him. Maybe the extra feel of the poopy diaper is pleaseing in some way. Sorry if I am way off, but my son has alot of sensory seeking tendancies & I think that may be part of our problem. That is why I mention it.

Whatever the case, good luck!
 

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I offered my daughter a handful of chocolate chips to just try sitting on the toilet this morning. It worked, and she even peed! That was the first time she sat on the toilet since last autumn I think. Alas, it only worked once! In the afternoon when I tried to bribe her again she no longer wanted the chocolate chips. LOL

I'm subbing, hoping to read an idea that might work for us.
 

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Well lol, dd is five and she's not in diapers, but she sure pees her pants a lot.
Yesterday she came in from outside and headed straight to her closet. She looked over her shoulder at me and muttered "I'm really getting to old to be peeing my pants this much."

No advise from me.
 

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My eldest trained at 4 yo. I was hoping to train her by the time her brother arrived (she was 2.5 at that time) but that wasn't in HER plans
! She told me she would go to the bathroom when she was 4 and sure enough w/in weeks of her 4th birthday she was trained! My second will be 4 in Sept and has indicated that he will train when he's 6
It just seems to me that kids have their own toileting schedule and they will follow that (if allowed)...they'll go when they're ready
!
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by maciascl View Post
What you said about him wanting to stay in the poopy diapers made me wonder if he it isn't sensory thing for him. Maybe the extra feel of the poopy diaper is pleaseing in some way.
Its possible-although I dont *really* know what that means. (I think he has sensory issues by instinct but if my dh asks me to tell him what it means, I'd have a hard time explaining it-I feel like I know in my gut what it is though)

So if that was the case-what doyou do for sensory issues? Can a child be "diagnosed" with sensory issues?

Jenny
 

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I didn't like to ask questions I already knew the answer to. It seemed to put more spotlight on the problem. A quick "you pooped, you need to get changed" made it seem more matter of fact than "did you poop? You need to remember to go in the potty." The first focused on here's the problem, here's the solution type mentality. The second seems to imply shame.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I can see that could feel like shame. I actually dont say "You need to make it to the bathroom..." And I ask because this is a 4 year old, he rarely slows down enough for me to "know" that he pooped. If I know he did, I dont ask-I only ask when I dont know.

When I say "You pooped, I need to change your pullup" He runs and screams "Nooooooooo!"

Jenny
 

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My ds' first step towards toilet training was to put diapers on him when he asked for one, rather than keeping him in them at all times. That worked for us since he has mild sensory aversions and good body control (he was 2 1/2). He never had accidents, didn't like wet clothes. I started not putting diapers on him simply because he wouldn't let me take off the wet ones or put on dry ones. He started using the toilet (or a jar, or outside) for peeing right away.

But he wasn't comfortable pooping w/o a diaper (wanted to be standing up). So he used a diaper once every 2 days to poop from the age of 2 1/2 to past his 5th birthday. I actually ran out of diapers accidently which forced him to use the toilet (I told him he could go in his undies and I tried putting a cloth diaper on him but he wasn't comfortable with either). It took about a week (3 bowel movements) for ds to feel like he was a toilet user. It took longer before he wanted to share the news with daddy, grandma, or anyone else. He still won't try using a toilet w/o his ring seat.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by transformed View Post
Its possible-although I dont *really* know what that means. (I think he has sensory issues by instinct but if my dh asks me to tell him what it means, I'd have a hard time explaining it-I feel like I know in my gut what it is though)

So if that was the case-what doyou do for sensory issues? Can a child be "diagnosed" with sensory issues?

Jenny
If you google 'sensory seeking' you will get a ton of sites with good info. A basic way of explaining it would be that the senses are 'dull' so they seek out sensory input. Here is a good explination
 

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The ONLY thing that motivated my then 4yo DS to attempt to use the toilet was the threat of not being able to go to pre-school in the fall. He was trained that summer. We tried so many different was to train and he was never interested. Apparently, DH was extremely difficult to train, too, so says his mother!
 

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This thread makes me feel so much better. I've been having trouble training DD#2. I almost had her fully trained by the time she was 2 and a half (because she was interested in the potty) but DH came home from deployment and DD#1 got out of preschool for the year and it seemed to throw DD#2 way off course. Now she is 3 and a half, wants to go to prek in the fall, but can't unless she is potty trained. Every once in a while she'll take herself to the potty. Normally we have to make sure we take her. When we do she'll pee, but she almost never poops. Then we end up changing her a little while later because she pooped her pants. It doesn't help that I had her in panties and DH switched her back to pull ups when she started having accidents all the time again. She'll do good for a week or so and then she'll go back to not doing anything. I'm currently using a potty chart that has the days of the week on it and times so that everytime she uses the potty we mark the hour with a smiley face. I'm trying to focus on the positive side, when she is actually using the potty. And trying to not really pay much attention to her accidents. I'm hoping that that will help. The chart is partially so I can track when she uses it. But also for her to be able to look at it and see all the smiley faces and be proud of herself. I also mark when she has an accident (or at least that I've discovered she had one) so that I can try and make sure I take her to the potty during that time if there is a pattern. I just started that on Wednesday. I know patience is key in this, but it does get frustrating sometimes.
 

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DS is a bit like foerevermom's... he uses the toilet by himself to pee, but asks for a diaper to poop. I wonder if the being standing factor has something to do. We've run out of diapers but that didn't solve the thing, he just didn't go and I was afraid that he could constipate himself. Same with his 4 hs waldorf kinder, he goes in underwear and pees there, but never poops. he has a potty and I've asked very matter-of-factly a few times if he'd go there and he said he was afraid. He sat a few times on it but nothing. The funny/sad thing is that when he was 2.3 he did poop in the potty by himself a few times, so I know there is an underlying issue going on, that's why I don't want to pressure or bribe him, I really sense I shouldn't do that. I mentioned the issue to ds's homeopath and he said that it matched with a general physical pattern in ds's symptoms , like coughing, built up frustration...a pattern of retaining things instead of releasing them. We are working on all this stuff in a very subtle level,but I don't feel that he'll potty train soon. Did I mention I am due with 2nd baby? I wanted only one in diapers!
Oh well, come what may
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mab View Post
I really sense I shouldn't do that. I mentioned the issue to ds's homeopath and he said that it matched with a general physical pattern in ds's symptoms , like coughing, built up frustration...a pattern of retaining things instead of releasing them. We are working on all this stuff in a very subtle level,but I don't feel that he'll potty train soon. Did I mention I am due with 2nd baby? I wanted only one in diapers!
Oh well, come what may
No one wants 2 in diapers, LOL.
Except I applaud you for listening to your instincts on this. Especially when your ds is....am I reading it right? 4? Its hard for me to be patient with my 4 year old because I am just not able to get out of "the box" on this issue. I cant stop thinking "He really should be potty trained." Its frustrating-I wish I could just chill out about it and let it flow. (LOL)
 

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I had a 4 year old in diapers and I agree it's different in some ways. He also had zero motivation to use the potty/toilet. And the usual reward type of things like candy didn't work with him. He just didn't care.

I think what worked in the end (and I could write a whole story about the process) was a combination of watching the video "Once Upon a Potty" and the promise of a certain train he really wanted after peeing 5 times. We did 3 weeks with no diapers at home and cleaned up LOTS and in the end he just suddenly used the potty of his own intiation while watching the video for, I think, the second time and then got his 5 pees all in a row. I did have the feeling for him it would just be a matter of doing it once (or twice) and then he'd get it and that is what happened. It was literally overnight.

I didn't feel he was really ready before he turned 4. But once he was getting close to 4 I did get the feeling he was starting to be ready. He was fully trained this time last year (his birthday is in May) and it's been a breeze every since.

Best wishes!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by transformed View Post
No one wants 2 in diapers, LOL.

Hahahaha... so how about THREE?!! Anyone?


Ds1 started using the toilet on his own at 18 months and that lasted for two weeks when he decided it was cramping his play, so he just started going in his pants until I put the diapers back on. Then when he turned 3 he went back to the toilet (again on his own) and was doing great- no misses druing the day and dry during the night, but I did put a diaper on him at night just in case. THEN, ds3 was born and ds1's morning toilet schedule collided with ds3's nursing and DH continued to tell him to 'just go in [his] diaper because he doesn't want to get up that early
: so he did and now at 4 yrs old, he still demands that he wear a diaper at night and does still several times/week use it in the morning instead of the toilet, then says, "Well, if Daddy didn't put a diaper on me then I wouldn't use it." This is true, but until we have moved (next month) and I have a reliable washing machine, I cannot hazard a middle-of-the-night puddle since he shares a sibling bed.

Actually, I wrote that I might end up with three in diapers, but only if this isn't resolved by the time dc4 is born, since ds2 has been out for eight months now, day and night.

By the way, I told dh that if ds1 does have night puddles, it's HIS job to clean it up, do the laundry and change the bed as well as put all three dc back to bed afterward. I need my sleep; I'm pg
 

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umm...i'm know for off the wall suggestions...crazy family...but if your child needs motivation, go and get some ping pong balls (with the smiley faces) and a dip net(pet supplies) now for the fun part:

put two of these little balls in the potty and tell your child to pee on them
(yeah you read that right)

once child has done business fish them out or leave them in...(they won't flush b/c they float...

* this was the only way dh would train so says his family...i plan on doing this with ds when he is a little older... HTH
 

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Well the promise of underwear in whatever pattern he liked prompted my 3.5 year old to sit on the potty today. He didn't do anything other than read for a minute but this is so much better than the screaming/crying/sobbing that happened even earlier today when the subject was broached.
I dont' know if it'll hold up but I can tell you, at this point with two in diapers and one on the way, I'm not above bribes or anything else. I'm buying some ping pong balls tomorrow too.
 
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