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My 5 yr old is circumsized. I do not want the same done to my second child who will be born in late May/early June.<br><br>
I am concerned about DS1's emotional state. I do not want him to feel like he was "less loved" because his parents were un-educated when he was born. But I feel like the difference will be so obvious, he is going to ask.<br><br>
I feel like he's going to feel like he's less than his baby brother. I love that little boy so much, I can't stand the thought of him feeling bad about my stupid mistake.<br><br>
How did your older child/ren re-act with the un-circ'd son/s? How did you tell them?
 

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My boys have noticed their differences, but it is much like how they have different hair and eye colors. It is just a part of them that is different and they have never been upset about it.
 

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OK. we have 1 circed son (10) two un (6 and 3).<br><br>
it is a NON ISSUE. when they were all small and all bathing together and the differences were noticed I knew the oldest (age 5, borderline auspie and hypersensitive) could not handle the "well we thought it was a good idea at the time" line so I brushed it off and allowed them to think they all were different jst because (ds1 has my nose, ds 2 has dad's nose--they explained it to themselves and everyone was fine with it)<br><br>
Over time ds 2 because preoccupied with being like his older brother in every way possible. At age 5 (his borther was 8ish and now showering) this also included a penis like his brothers' <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">. First I gently let him know staring at others peoples penises sometimes infringed on their privacy<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
Over a few days this discussion lasted and eventually we talked about circumcision, and what in entails if he wanted to have one when he was older. (we're a medical family, so even at 5 you can have an intelligent conversation) DS 1 over heard and later asked me if I was lying to ds 2 about that (I'm a smart alek and known to strech the truth for drama)<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
I said it was true and what did he think about it. He wanted to know why people wold do that to babies (wasn't upset he's very scientific in approach to everything) I told him the truth: I didn't have a penis so didn't know what it was like to be cut or uncut so let Daddy have the final vote at that time, that I was sorry he didn't get to decide what style he wanted to be. He shrugged and said he was glad he didn't remember it. I think it's ALL in the approach. If mama is crying, very emotional and distressed the kid is going to think something is WRONG with them for not having a foreskin and behave accordingly. By that point I had made my peace with my part in his unecessary surgery and was able to explain it without making a big deal about it. There will be bigger issues in his life.<br><br>
at home we never use terms like cut or uncut, altered or unaltered, natural or unatura...l words that that may carry loaded feelings. Simply circumcized or not, to protect the kid that IS and to make certian the ones the aren't don't feel entitled.<br><br>
Everyone still bathes and pees together. No issues. Everyone likes how they are.<br><br>
HTH
 

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<a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=697885&highlight=intact+circumcised" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ct+circumcised</a><br><br><a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=631398&highlight=intact+circumcised" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ct+circumcised</a><br><br><a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=537438&highlight=intact+circumcised" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ct+circumcised</a><br><br><a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=703061&highlight=intact+circ%27d" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ntact+circ%27d</a><br><br><a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=719774" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=719774</a><br><br><a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=462554&highlight=explaining+to+my+child" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ng+to+my+child</a><br><br>
adding your thread:<br><a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=831504" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=831504</a>
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Rockies5</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10327246"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">OK. we have 1 circed son (10) two un (6 and 3).<br><br>
it is a NON ISSUE. when they were all small and all bathing together and the differences were noticed I knew the oldest (age 5, borderline auspie and hypersensitive) could not handle the "well we thought it was a good idea at the time" line so I brushed it off and allowed them to think they all were different jst because (ds1 has my nose, ds 2 has dad's nose--they explained it to themselves and everyone was fine with it)<br><br>
Over time ds 2 because preoccupied with being like his older brother in every way possible. At age 5 (his borther was 8ish and now showering) this also included a penis like his brothers' <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">. First I gently let him know staring at others peoples penises sometimes infringed on their privacy<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
Over a few days this discussion lasted and eventually we talked about circumcision, and what in entails if he wanted to have one when he was older. (we're a medical family, so even at 5 you can have an intelligent conversation) DS 1 over heard and later asked me if I was lying to ds 2 about that (I'm a smart alek and known to strech the truth for drama)<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
I said it was true and what did he think about it. He wanted to know why people wold do that to babies (wasn't upset he's very scientific in approach to everything) I told him the truth: I didn't have a penis so didn't know what it was like to be cut or uncut so let Daddy have the final vote at that time, that I was sorry he didn't get to decide what style he wanted to be. He shrugged and said he was glad he didn't remember it. I think it's ALL in the approach. If mama is crying, very emotional and distressed the kid is going to think something is WRONG with them for not having a foreskin and behave accordingly. By that point I had made my peace with my part in his unecessary surgery and was able to explain it without making a big deal about it. There will be bigger issues in his life.<br><br>
at home we never use terms like cut or uncut, altered or unaltered, natural or unatura...l words that that may carry loaded feelings. Simply circumcized or not, to protect the kid that IS and to make certian the ones the aren't don't feel entitled.<br><br>
Everyone still bathes and pees together. No issues. Everyone likes how they are.<br><br>
HTH</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> I think you took a wonderful approach here. Its a hard thing to balance. But its so important to not let personal views to spread to children, because in the end it can cause a lot of problems to develop.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>perspective</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10328031"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> I think you took a wonderful approach here. Its a hard thing to balance. But its so important to not let personal views to spread to children, because in the end it can cause a lot of problems to develop.</div>
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Thank you. I think that's true with many issues we adults carry around<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
imagine the change in only a generation if kids were allowed to develop without our prejudices!
 

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kldliam, awesome job on getting all those links together!!
 

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My Father was the only one of 7 boys that was circumcised. As far as I know, there were never any issues between them.<br><br>
One uncle gets so mad that he could eat nails because his son was circumcised against his and my aunt's instructions not to. Another uncle was intensely pressured to be circumcised by a girl friend. He had it done at 40 years old. Within 5 years, he said it was the worst decision he had ever made. He had become totally impotent and the girlfriend had left him for greener pastures. That was the last girlfriend he ever had.<br><br>
.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Phoenix Rising</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10330259"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My Father was the only one of 7 boys that was circumcised. As far as I know, there were never any issues between them.<br><br>
One uncle gets so mad that he could eat nails because his son was circumcised against his and my aunt's instructions not to. <b>Another uncle was intensely pressured to be circumcised by a girl friend. He had it done at 40 years old. Within 5 years, he said it was the worst decision he had ever made. He had become totally impotent and the girlfriend had left him for greener pastures. That was the last girlfriend he ever had.</b><br><br>
.</div>
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Wow. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Absolutely tragic.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Phoenix Rising</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10330259"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My Father was the only one of 7 boys that was circumcised. As far as I know, there were never any issues between them.<br><br>
One uncle gets so mad that he could eat nails because his son was circumcised against his and my aunt's instructions not to. Another uncle was intensely pressured to be circumcised by a girl friend. He had it done at 40 years old. Within 5 years, he said it was the worst decision he had ever made. He had become totally impotent and the girlfriend had left him for greener pastures. That was the last girlfriend he ever had.<br><br>
.</div>
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Ignorant people can do so much damage to the world. I really hope she knows the damaged she caused to this mans life, hopefully so she wont do it again.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Phoenix Rising</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10330259"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My Father was the only one of 7 boys that was circumcised. As far as I know, there were never any issues between them.<br><br>
One uncle gets so mad that he could eat nails because his son was circumcised against his and my aunt's instructions not to. Another uncle was intensely pressured to be circumcised by a girl friend. He had it done at 40 years old. Within 5 years, he said it was the worst decision he had ever made. He had become totally impotent and the girlfriend had left him for greener pastures. That was the last girlfriend he ever had.<br><br>
.</div>
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That's just awful <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Phoenix Rising</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10330259"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My Father was the only one of 7 boys that was circumcised. As far as I know, there were never any issues between them.<br><br>
One uncle gets so mad that he could eat nails because his son was circumcised against his and my aunt's instructions not to. Another uncle was intensely pressured to be circumcised by a girl friend. He had it done at 40 years old. Within 5 years, he said it was the worst decision he had ever made. He had become totally impotent and the girlfriend had left him for greener pastures. That was the last girlfriend he ever had.<br><br>
.</div>
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Robert Blake also chose to get circumcised well into adulthood because he thought it would "please the ladies". <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Thank you all for your input, my heart is much lighter after reading of the experiences of others. kldliam: thanks so much for the links, I truly appreciate it! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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we have two boys, one circd and one intact. they are too young to have noticed yet. we worried about it when we decided to leave the youngest intact, but seriously it was NOT a good enough reason to have him circ'd. there are other differnences as we learn how to parent, too--we did CIO with my oldest, he had a horrible hospital birth (c section), all his vaxes, he only nursed for six months, etc etc. when you know better you do better. parents are human too, and it will be humbling to explain our mistakes to our children when it comes up. but it's probably a bigger deal to us as mamas then it will be to them.
 

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DS#1 was; we learned from our mistakes and didn't have DS #2 circ'd. DS#1 has noticed, but he hasn't said anything about it (he is only 3, so his age might be the reason for this).<br><br>
It hasn't been an issue for us. When it does become an issue, I plan to just say that people are different.
 

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i'm glad i could be of help. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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