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what do you consider a threat??<br><br>
example:<br>
We are in a store and 3 year old dd won't stop touching everything and after asking numerous amounts of times to stop I will usually say "if you don't stop touching we are going to have to leave" and if it continues we leave... is that a threat?<br><br>
I like to tell my daughter what is going to happen if a certain behavior continues to give her a chance to stop before I take her out of a situation. Does that mean I am threatening her or giving her fair warning? I only do this when what she's doing can end up causing damage or hurt someone. Can someone tell me an example of a threat, so I can be clear on this?
 

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On the one hand, it's a matter of tone..."You touch that one more time and I swear to God I am taking you home!" vs. "Listen, kiddo, the rule for this store is no touching. If we can't follow that rule, we can't be in the store, understand?"<br><br>
Additionally, I think it's a matter of whether you're alluding to natural consequences or some completely unrelated punishment. As above, that seems like a natural consequence IMO...but if it had ended, "If we can't follow that rule, then there's going to be no afternoon snack today, understand," then that would have seemed like a threat to me, no matter how nicely it was said.
 

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A threat assumes unkind or unfair treatment. If you are threatened by someone it usually means that they are going to treat you poorly.<br><br>
You are giving your child a warning, it is not unfair of you to expect her to respect other people's property (ie: the store's and future owners of the items), and it is not unfair if you remove her gently from doing something she should not be doing.
 

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ITA with the other posters.<br><br>
"If you don't stop touching things that don't belong to you, we'll have to leave the store". is a warning.<br><br>
"Keep your hands to yourself or you're not getting any snack today!!!!" would be a threat.
 

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Yah, I think stuff like "You can't keep touching stuff. I'm feeling stressed about this. If we can't find a solution, we're going to have to leave" is totally a-ok. Definitely warning, not a threat. (I feel stressed relatively easily in public)<br><br>
That type of thing is my goal. Over "Stop or we're leaving, and I'm never taking you anywhere ever again." Which I'm pretty sure I've said <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent">
 

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The pp posters have given good examples of threats. Telling a child that we will need to leave if she continues to touch untouchables is just information about the reality. She may in fact prefer to leave, after all!<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div style="font-style:italic;">We are in a store and 3 year old dd won't stop touching everything and after asking numerous amounts of times to stop I will usually say "if you don't stop touching we are going to have to leave" and if it continues we leave... is that a threat?</div>
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Maybe try phrasing what you want her to do, rather than what you don't want her to do. If it is appropriate, we often used the "one finger touch" rule. If touching is out of the question, I probably wouldn't bring a 3 yo into the store <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">. But if I had to, I would review the rules before entering and have a game plan--stay in mommy's arms/sling, stay in the cart with a toy (we often grabbed a toy from the shelf for dd to explore while I shop, and then returned it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">), or bring something to keep her hands busy--maybe a portable etch-a-sketch for these occasions?
 

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I consider a threat to be "if you keep doing this, this is going to happen" ... I don't like that type of parenting, but I'll fully admit to doing it on occasion. Like in the store yesterday my 5 year old (who knows better!) kept wandering off. I had to tell him that if he didn't stay near me, he would have to ride in the cart to keep him safe. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">
 

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But you have to follow through.<br><br>
We had an incident at a restaurant where dd1 (3 + 3 months) was stomping on the benches and being very noisy.<br><br>
I told her, " That is not respectful. We need to use gentle voices in restaurants. We need to have quiet bodies - so no stomping. If you continue to be disruptive, you and I will have to go to the car and Daddy and Sister will stay and finish supper without us."<br><br>
Well, she stomped.<br><br>
So, I picked her up and took her to the car. When we got to the car I said, " We have to have quiet bodies and gentle voices in restaurants. So, now we are in the car instead of the restaurant."<br><br>
After tne minutes of jostling about in the car and being kind of annoying she said, "Okay Mommy, I can have quiet feet and voice. We can go back."<br><br>
Super. Okay.<br><br>
It is effort, and kind of annoying to have to leave our dinner, but there has to be follow-through. I think.
 
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