[mamarsupial]

the last few days i have had some beautiful, teary moments with my belly...feeling this little one press his/her feet up against my hand...and knowing that this new person will be entering my life very soon. i am enjoying the early stages of labor, in awe of what my body is doing to get ready to bring this new person into the world.

i've also had as many beautiful, teary moments with my daughter, who is 2 1/2. she has her own bed now, but still co-sleeps some of the night with us, most nights. she crawls in with me, wraps her sleepy arms around my head, cuddles in (and usually gives my boobs a squeeze for old times sake...she self-weaned a few months ago)...and drifts off to sleep in my arms. i can't help but cry now knowing that those moments will be...what? harder? less likely? juggled?...once our new babe arrives.

her whole life, our daughter has had everything 'on demand' (a term i don't like...i prefer, 'the center of our blissful world' or, at the very least 'respected and responded to'). she has never had to wait for a kiss or a hug or a breast full of milk. she has been in arms and in sling, co-slept and co-bathed. adored with every fiber of our beings. she still WILL be, but now some of the practical every day things will change.

i'm grieving our little family...while overcome with curiosity and joy thinking about this new baby. as our due date gets closer...and the more i contact, dilate, and efface...the more i think 'oh my god, this could be the LAST DAY OF JUST US THREE!' and i feel panic and sadness.

i guess i just needed to vent...but any advice, wise words, or ideas of how to make some of this time extra special (apart from just spending it together - dd is sleeping a few feet away from me right now - otherwise i wouldn't be wasting time online when i could be with her)....would be greatly appreciated and welcomed.

 

[Imonion2]

Awww-here's a hug. {{{ }}} Sounds like you're getting ready to welcome your new one into your family. Your post brought tears to my eyes, I remember how hard it was for me to get used to the idea of having more than one child. Just remember, all that love you have poured into your daughter will come back many times over when she gets to know and love her sibling. Mama's hearts are able to stretch infinitely--in the adventure of our lives, we manage to hug and kiss and love as many children as we've been given.

Good luck! I can't wait to read your birth story.

 

[Shanghaimum]

Mamarsupial we (dh and I) went through, and are still going through, similiar feelings... Our wonderful dd was born 3 weeks ago and already it feels like she has always been with us. Before she arrived, we were SO worried... We were worried about how our son Mac would take it (like your little one, he has been the centre of our world for two years), we were worried that we couldn't possibly love another child like we love Mac, we were worried about cosleeping, about how I could nurse on 'demand' with a toddler, how ds would feel about sharing our attention... we were just consumed by worry...

BUT it is absolutely wonderful. Our son loves his new baby sister - he is always kissing her. Our sleep arrangements have changed once again. Dh is now sleeping with Mac in his room - I am with Aislinn in our room... we didn't plan to do it this way, but we feel Mac needs the extra cuddling and so... It is working out. We have had tears a few times - but usually it is me crying because I sometimes miss being able to just spend my whole day focussed on my ds...

Sorry this is so rambling... I just wanted to send you a hug and let you know that somehow it works out and that you won't lose the bond with your first child - it is still there - it just somehow changes a bit.

You can still cosleep and cobath and cuddle.... We are still doing all that, but now it is four of us!!

Hugs,

Emma

 

[its_our_family]

I've been having hese thoughts but not in as often as you probably are. I til have around 18 weeks to go.....

I asked my dh the same things... Will we enjoy things with the new baby as much and as easily as we did with Tracy? Will Tracy feel rejected and lonely in the first few weeks when the new baby needs us most? Will we still be our happy little family?

He simply looked at me and said, will we lveo the new baby any less than we love Tracy? No, we will love this baby and so will Tracy. Our famly is growing and our love will grow too.

I know those last few precious days must be sad and happy and exciting and scarry and full of the unknown. But the basics are the same. You will love your new baby and so will your dd. Things will be different but they won't be worse...they'll be better

 

[mamaley]

Autumn

Me too. I am feeling this so much right now. To the point where I wonder if it's keeping me from going into labor, because I have a lot of anxiety around this...about how my son will feel, how I will feel being a mother to two. How I will handle it all. Mostly how my son will feel though. And I feel like dh has these same anxieties, and we've talked, but not in depth and i think that would help. I feel like i have so many intense emotions inside right now that are centered around this, and i don't know how to sort through them, or what to do with them. kwim? and to top it off, i'm nervous about having a new baby. there, i said it. What if I don't bond with her like I did with my son? What if it's too hard having someone so dependent, and ds at the same time? I don't know anything about being in a family with more than one child--i was an only child--and all that i hear is that it's hard...that ds will have such a difficult time adjusting. that he will resent her, and me. i don't want that. And it's hard for me to even think of her as being real at this point, you know? because i'm so preoccupied with all of this. It will be so relieving to just be able to hold her in my arms, look at her, and allow myself to feel whatever it is that i feel. I wish I could just cry a lot. Isn't that weird? But i think it would help...

Sorry to make this so self-centered, but it helped a lot to write. Anyway, at least you know you're not alone...

and Emma, your post really helped me.

 

[Shanghaimum]

Mamaley,
I am glad my message helped... I just wrote a long message (trying to pm you) and it somehow disapeared... ugh...
I thought of one more thing - one wonderful aspect of having two children is that you get to enjoy seeing them interact. My ds is so gentle and loving towards his baby sister - this morning we were all lying in bed (dh, ds, dd and I)... ds was holding dd's hand and we were all cuddling.

Emma

 

[Lucky Charm]

I felt the same way when i was pregnant with my second child. But, the heart has the amazing ability to grow, and kids are just amazingly adjustable creatures. your daughter will be fine. Remember, love and family are not finite, but infinte....kwim?

 

[Viola]

I'm very crabby today, so bear that in mind if you read this. I'm not really grieving for my family moving from 3 to 4, but I'm thinking that things aren't going to get any better once this baby is here. My 4 year old is so self centered that I almost hope this baby will shock her into some other way of acting. I've had two other moms from LLL tell me that things will change when she sees someone younger and more helpless than she is. My LLL leader even said, "You're the mom, you can do anything, you aren't going to get her to feel sorry for you." Or words to that effect. I swear to heaven, I could have my baby's head coming out from between my legs right now, and my daughter would be telling me to go and get her toy from the basement for her. I'm trying to remain positive and hope that she will help me with the baby and feel like she is a part of things, but if she gets anymore demanding, well....I don't know what will happen. The good thing is is that she tends to be a gentle person in physical terms, and she is always very loving towards babies, so I'm not worried about her hurting the baby. I could see her yelling at me non-stop, however.

 

[iris0110]

I've been feeling the same way. Even though this pregnancy really just started I have been so worried about Ds's feelings. I don't know how he will feel not being the center of our family any more. And I wonder how I can possibly feel the same way about our second child as I do about ds. My whole world revolves around him right now, and I already see things changing. I'm so sick so much of the time that I can't do all of the things I am used to doing with him, and I feel bad that he isn't getting the best of his mommy anymore. So many people have suggested that we start moving ds to his own bed now, so he will be ready when the baby comes, but I just don't want to give up cuddling with my little boy. I think part of the problem for me is that I didn't plan on having another child until Ds was at least four and then I got suprised by this pregnancy when he is only two. I really wanted him to have more time to be the only one. We have always done so many things with him that will be logistically more difficult with two. Dh and I are trying to cram the next few months full of as many fun trips and activities as we can to make up for the months after the baby is born when we won't really be able to do anything. We went to the beach last weekend and it made me cry because I knew I probably wouldn't be able to take just Ds to the beach again. When I told Dh he said "but next time we can take two little ones." He made me feel a little better with that, but I am still worried.

I also worry that something will go wrong with the pregnancy because I am so upset by this. I know if something happened to this baby I would never forgive myself for all the time I spent mourning over how it wouldn't be just the three of us anymore. But Dh just keeps telling me it will be the four of us now, and that will be good too.

 

[Jish]

I felt the same way when I went from one child to two. In my 8th month of pregnancy I just wanted the pregnancy to be over. Then the closer it got to my due date, the trepidation began to slip in. I would lay with my ds every night after he fell asleep because I knew that it could be the last night he was my only child. It was strangely sad. It was still hard to imagine loving the baby as much as I did my ds. But like you are probably tired of hearing, it happens and it is amazing. I was actually glad I went a week overdue with ds2 cause I wasn't ready to give up my time with my first yet.

However, when the baby came my ds was 29 months old and was totally amazed by it all and loved the baby to peices. If you don't already have one, make the sling your best friend. It was the easiest way to do everything, and the ability to "hide" the baby from my older child made him feel like he was still the center of my universe. Sort of like the old phrase "out of sight, out of mind."

Now I have #3 on the way and I can't imaging loving this one as much as I do my other two. I know it will happen and it will be wonderful. The whole process is just amazing. I don't have a lot of great advice, but wanted you to know that I've been there and and understand.

 

[mamarsupial]

Quote:

I would lay with my ds every night after he fell asleep because I knew that it could be the last night he was my only child. It was strangely sad.

this is EXACTLY how i am feeling. i just want to kiss every bit of her, hug her, hold her, fill her up with love as if i'm going away forever or something...even though i know i'm not.

i've been trying to think about how happy dh and i were before we had kids. so in love, so blissful in each others company. i never thought life could get any better. he is amazing and my life has been so blessed...and then, low and behold, we had ella and things got even BETTER! how could that be? but they did...and now, things seem so wonderful, so perfect...so much so that its hard to believe things could be even better than they are now. i'm trying to have faith that our little family will grow and be filled with love and blessings and that everything will be fine.

thanks everyone for your words and commiseration. i really needed it!

 

[casmi]

Each time I have had another baby, the last few weeks with my then 'baby' was always alittle sad/weepy. I would grieve the time that I felt I was gonna "lose" with them. But each and every time we have had another new baby, my heart has opened so much. I still adore my baby, but my heart just swells with more love for the new baby.

Your first will never lose that place in your heart - your heart will just grow to include your now new baby.

You will be amazed, I promise, at the love you have for both children.