Mothering Forum banner

Tips for bedsharing with toddler AND a newborn?

1523 Views 3 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  MysteryMama
Hi ladies,

I have what are (probably) very silly fears, but what the heck, I'll throw them out there anyway. I'm due in May with my second child-- my firstborn will be 20 months at that time. I have no intention of kicking Maddie (my firstborn) out of our bed when the new baby arrives, but I'm nervous about how well we're all going to sleep together, as well as how safe the set-up will be. The three of us (me, Maddie and my husband) all currently sleep on a king-sized mattress on the floor, with Maddie between us, and I was planning on just shoving the mattress against the wall in May so there's no chance of the newborn falling off the bed (since he/she will not be in the middle with Maddie, but on my other side). Maddie can be a restless sleeper if I'm not turned towards her (she thrashes around till I take her in my arms and soothe her), so I'm a little worried about how she's going to accept this change-- and I've heard that it can be dangerous to bed-share with a toddler and newborn (though for the life of me can't remember the reasons why). I'm also a little worried that the frequent waking of our newborn will wake her up, too-- and I can't imagine having to soothe two kids back to sleep at 3 a.m., you know what I mean?

So how do you other mamas do it? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill, or are there precautions/things I need to know before the four of us try bedsharing for the first time? Any advice is much, much appreciated!
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
I think safety wise you'll be just fine with the arrangement you have planned. You'll be aware enough that if your older child is crawling over you and could potentially hurt the baby, I think you'll wake up.

Now, the nightwaking, that is what I would get prepared for. In the early weeks DD1 would wake to DD2's crying even from 2 floors away (DD1 wasn't sleeping with us when DD2 was born and she was 18 months old). It was brutal. I was changing DD2's diaper in the furthest area of the house from her room which was our tiny bathroom. Over time they got used to each other and now they hardly ever wake each other up. But, if you have any other possible areas to sleep I might plan to have DH sleep with your older DD in another room at the beginning. DH slept with our oldest in the guest room a lot the first few months because even though she'd been sleeping through fairly reliably, she was teething and probably just the transition, she was waking up a lot and wanting someone to sleep with.
See less See more
I just posted about this very thing. I am concerned about night waking and the fact that I may be recovering from surgery, too. I don't want to push one child out of the bed for another, and I want our first to continue sleeping with us. I just don't quite know how to handle it.

Our king size bed is not on the floor, and I do not think that will be an option for me, especially after surgery.

I am really upset and don't quite know how I will handle this...
I've also been thinking about the same thing. I have a babe due in Aug and ds will only be 13mo so I can't just kick him out of the bed. I only have a queen size, but dh sleeps on the couch so I'm thinking maybe I can put bedrails up and have ds1 sleep more toward the edge (he currently sleeps in the center of the bed and I sleep to one side of him) with me in the middle. Like pp said, I know I'll wake up if ds starts crawling around or anything and it'll be a few months before I have to start worrying about the newborn rolling anywhere. But like pp said, I'm not sure about the nightwaking thing, so I may have dh sleep in our bed with ds and then I'll sleep in the guest bed with the new baby. So I'm not sure how it's all going to work out, but I figure it will somehow or another because it has to!
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.