tips for conveying how serious it is......

Getting in a car from a parking lot, I'd not put him for one minute on the ground. he'd go from my arms or stroller or carrier right into the car without question. i'd have something to hand him as i was strapping him ito the seat. If we were getting out of the car, I'd carry the toddler or hand him a book or small toy or cracker as I strapped him into a little umbrella stroller. I *simply* wouldn't take the chance. he's too young to reliably understand that degree of danger.

I would also not 'trust' that a toddler could learn this for every single occassion or remember the danger every single minute. When I had two small children 16 mos apart, one was in the sling or backpack and the other was in a little stroller. Not to sit in forever, but for as long as we were in a dangerous spot. 2 yr olds are too young to be be reliable in a dangerous, crowded, busy parking lots full of speeding cars and distracted drivers. it has nothing to do with being good or bad, but has everything to do with not being developmentally ready to understand danger. Its a parent's job to keep a toddler safe. As hard as that is.

How is sharing our own experiences with toddler issues and growth, guilt-provoking? Talking about developmental expectations is taking the guilt *away* from the parent. I didn't feel guilty that my children weren't ready to be free in a parking lot--it was good to know he/she simply wasn't ready for that step at 2. Nobody said, "karin, you silly fool, don't you know anything?". I mean, gosh.

Reassuring a person that toddlers aren't quite up to the parking lot challenge isn't about guilt, girl! I would think it obvious that we're all going to tell our wee ones 'Let's be safe. Mommy will hold onto you now (or put you in the stroller so she can carry the baby. Or put the baby in the stroller so she can carry you). The cars are going so fast! It's dangerous!". I just assumed that was a given. Now maybe I should feel guilty for reading that into your post! Remembering how children develop isn't about not talking to your child about what's going on.

I can't say that I have any other words for a 2 yr old other than what you're already saying. One can't get too dramatic- "You could die and then Mommy would be so sad..." I mean, that wouldn't be appropriate. You could show something little getting squished by something really big and fast, but i am not sure a toddler can apply that to the parking lot. A 5 yr old might, though.

I like to write directly what i am thinking...that whole dance of 'Please, i am so sure you are already doing this, or already know this, but just in case, I'm going to say it anyway' gets tired and to me, seems condescending. Finding the right posting style for all the different personalities on the board is impossible. Plus, I find that if MDC psoters think someone iswrong or stupid, they go right ahead and say so.

My tone can be too direct. I'll try to work on that.

What you're doing-- holding him, and talking to him, is right on. There is nothing magical about it. I swear. Toddlers challenge us, but I have not found any magical one -size- fits- all soultion for anything. Except maturity, growth etc. Human children are dependant on adults for a long time for a reason. Full brain growth takes time.

Trust yourself. I know it seems that other parents have certain answers you don't- and sometimes we can share good ideas with each other. But you are no less competant than any of us. You might be newer to parenting, but you still have instincts. Little children need to be kept safe, and we often do that with our bodies- we carry, comfort, hold. Those are all right things to do. Toddlers are barely out of infancy. Their experiences are limited. Not less important, just limited. We care for them as they gain knowledge. You most likey won't need to carry a 5 yr old, your words will be enough. They just aren't enough right now--and you knew it.