Tips for toddler mama with new baby? Advice?

471 Views 8 Replies 7 Participants Last post by suz515, Jun 9, 2005

soulsinginmama

Discussion Starter · Jun 7, 2005

For those of you who have had 2 in 2, I could really use some help. I'm 7 weeks till due date (July 25th) and have an 18 month old dd. Lately she's been more clingy than usual, I think sensing things changing soon and wanting mama all the time. It's not a nursing thing, she weaned herself when I was in my first trimester. She was sleeping for long stretches (sometimes 6 hours) at night on a twin mattress right near our bed but now sometimes will wake several times an hour crying out for mama and "mimis" (she still wants to hold onto the boobs when she wants comfort). I go to her every time, help her get back to sleep (I just can't do CIO, plus she just screams louder if I wait, then gets out of bed and walks over to me) and then I try to get back in our bed. Lately, though, she won't go back to sleep unless I stay in her bed with her (in a twin with a restless toddler and huge belly!) for the rest of the night, and even then, she wakes up crying mama like she's upset or scared and then once she realizes I'm right there will settle back to sleep again.

I'm willing to do this right now because I want to be there for her and give her what she needs, but I'm worried about what will happen once the baby is born. What do I do when she needs me in the night and so does the newborn? (We will have the baby in our bed with us.) Also, she is waking up during her afternoon naps, too, calling for me, but will go back to sleep once I come in and lie down with her. She will go for a couple hours if I do this nap maintenance once or twice. But how to do this with a newborn? I can't just leave the baby and go lie down with my daughter, or bring an awake baby into my toddler's naptime...? I'm sure it's something you figure out as you go, but right now I'm feeling the changes looming and really wanting to be able to give both of my babes what they need after the birth.

Sorry if I'm rambling, but do any of you who have had 2 in 2 have any advice as to how to juggle the needs of both? In these situations or in others? How to give both the quality time and all the love they need?

Thank you all so much for any ideas or support...
Heather

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starbarrett

· #2 · Jun 7, 2005

First of all,

Soulsinginmama! Sounds like you're doing great comforting your daugter. If your desire to meet your babies needs is clear to me, I'm sure it will be to them as well. I have the same fears- my dd will be 18mo also when my next baby comes in Sept. I'm sure the "how" will become clearer when we actually have to do it.

My only thought is-- Bring in the reinforcements! Can Daddy help? Can he help comfort your dd at night and help give her the additional comfort she's seeking? Or maybe when the next one comes, he can help with it at night while you go to dd? If my partner is a great help now, I can only imagine that with two he's going to be essential.

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Mickiswing

· #3 · Jun 7, 2005

I don't know how much help I am, but I want to offer my support at least!

DS was 14 months when DD was born, so we've been there. Let Daddy help wherever possible. And let him start helping now, so your DD won't associate his substituting with the baby's arrival. Does she have a transitional object? A blanket, stuffed animal? If not, take her to the store and have her pick something out (You may want to buy two, just in case something needs washing, or gets left behind) For the first couple days with it, make it a big deal that it's Mommy and DD's special blanket/toy and anytime she needs some lovin, she can hug it as well. It won't work with all kids, but it's definitely worth a try.

Other than that, I would keep it up. I know it's uncomfortable and worrisome, but if you keep meeting her needs, she's going to feel better. And maybe once the baby's here, she'll be okay. She probably just senses that something is about to happen. These kids are very intuitive.

FWIW, I know how you feel! I worried like crazy before my second got here, and now I'm 36 weeks with my third, and worrying about it again. But it will work! They'll be okay and we'll get through it!

Good luck!

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jyanla

· #4 · Jun 7, 2005

When my DD was born in March, DS was 21 month old. A week before DD was born, Grandpa came to live with us. DS loves him dearly and had no problem with DH and I leaving for hospital for two days.

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minimunklemama

· #5 · Jun 7, 2005

Don't worry too much,i spent the last 6-8 weeks worrying and it all turned out fine.sure Issi was as clingy as anything at first but i didn't make a fuss if she squished griffy a little whilst getting a hug at the same time i nursed him.also i let her be as 'helpful' as she wanted bar her dragging him over to me for a nursie by his ankles :LOL the more i let her help with dipe changes even helping griffy latch on,the less clingy she became,oh and daddy was a big help

good luck,

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soulsinginmama

Discussion Starter · #6 · Jun 8, 2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by starbarrett
My only thought is-- Bring in the reinforcements! Can Daddy help? Can he help comfort your dd at night and help give her the additional comfort she's seeking? Or maybe when the next one comes, he can help with it at night while you go to dd? If my partner is a great help now, I can only imagine that with two he's going to be essential.

Thanks for the encouragement! I wish dd would let Daddy help, but she's very attached to me right now. If he goes to her instead, she just screams and cries louder for mama. I know he'll be helpful with the new one at night, he took shifts with me with the first one so we could each get some sleep. I guess I'm just getting worried at this point that I will be jumping back and forth between the 2 babes all night and won't get even the snippets of sleep I got the first time.

I may try the transitional object idea... anyone know where I can get an extra set of boobs my dd can hold onto at night? :LOL No, really, it's worth a try.

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sleet76

· #7 · Jun 8, 2005

I can't help with the sleep issues since we've not had those problems--but having your partner help out as much as possible is a good habit to get in. My DH isn't really an infant guy, and much prefers to do things for DD (who was 22 months when DS was born--7 weeks ago).

I agree with the PP who said that they allow DC1 to "help out" as much as she wants, we can make a game the entertains her out of "let's change Henry's diaper!". A little toddler "help" is much better than rampaging, ignored toddler during a diaper change/nursing/bath/etc...

Also my DD sometimes needs her own baby time. When she gets clingy, I ask her if she wants to be a baby and often she does. So I make a big, sloppy deal out of holding her in a cradle hold and rocking and singing a lullaby, etc. It lasts about 30 seconds. Same with nursing. She's been weaned a long time (nearly a year) but is interested since DS is nursing. So I let her try. She usually just puts her mouth near the nipple and is satisfied.

The hardest thing we are dealing with are typical toddler behaviors--being destructive to grab my attention when I'm occupied, a little hitting of a few friends

: , and related things. I'd read a lot on toddler behavior now when you still can to prepare yourself for your DD's upcoming changes--they are likely to hit right when you have the new baby (just saying that because my DD became very clingy at about 18 months and then started being more toddler-ish than baby-ish and MUCH more challenging)--it may be helpful to not be surprised by new behaviors with a newborn. Sorry I'm rambling.

Both kids were asleep at the smae time and just woke up at the same time...

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starbarrett

· #8 · Jun 9, 2005

Quote:

Also my DD sometimes needs her own baby time. When she gets clingy, I ask her if she wants to be a baby and often she does. So I make a big, sloppy deal out of holding her in a cradle hold and rocking and singing a lullaby, etc. It lasts about 30 seconds.

This is a great idea. I'm sure I'll be using it. Thanks!

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suz515

· #9 · Jun 9, 2005

I had 2 under 2. 15 months apart. They could not be any closer.

My son was well aware that there was a little baby in mommy's tummy and was sooo excited to see my daughter.

He was nothing but attached to her from the start. Not too much changed. My toddler slept with us all while baby was in a cosleeper.

Now at 1 and 2 they are as close as ever. I love that they know nothing but each other. It's sweet. Baby kisses her big brother all the time and they are always looking out for each other.

You'll do fine!

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