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tired, cranky, whiney, yelling, and thats mama!

454 Views 4 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  SleepyMamaBear
i need a hug today mamas.
this morning i lost it.
Addy is almost 21 months old, she had started sleeping for more than a few hours a couple of months ago, but still woke at least once in the night, that was more than ok with me, i was able to get her back to sleep and then get myself back to sleep, and she ended up sleeping approx 10.5 hours total a night, a bit less than recommended, but still not bad.
lately she WONT sleep. she will sleep for maybe 45 minutes then be up whining needing to be rocked back to sleep. thats the ONLY thing that will put her back to sleep now. i used to be able to shhhshhhshhh her and rub her face and she would go back, now i have to full blown rock her every 45 minutes. and while this post looks like its for nighttime parenting so far, its not, thats not the issue. the issue is this morning.

after a week of practically no sleep for mama, and a whiney toddler most of the time, cause she isnt getting real sleep either, i lost it. she woke at 7:30, normally she is up at 9:30. so two hours early.. great. i had JUST gotten back to sleep. and she woke me up with a roar. yeah she roars to wake us up now. cute, if you arent the tired cranky parent being woken by the roar.

so i yelled. i swore. i made an a$$ out of myself. the whole time crying, cause i felt out of control. it was like i was an outsider looking in on myself, seeing what a horrible mommy i was being, and yet i felt like i couldnt stop myself from yelling. it was terrible.
just sitting here reliving it makes me cry.
i feel really badly for yelling, and acting the way i did.
i know there is NO excuse for that kind of behavior coming from a parent. and i am normally really put together and calm, even at my tiredest....
i just lost it.

i feel like i need to do bad mommy pennance.

any hugs or support greatly appreciated.
or just yell at me and make me feel like the bad mommy i already feel i am. cause thats what i feel i deserve right now.
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Boy, lack of sleep is the WORST thing. I can handle just about anything when I've gotten a good night's sleep.

I'll pretend I'm your confessor. You must listen to me, because I know exactly what penance you need to do. Your penance is going to be particularly severe, because your behavior was so bad.

First, five bites of dark chocolate. You must eat them slowly, and wash them down carefully with a cup of steaming hazelnut coffee. You must sit in a chair in front of the window where the sun comes in. If you see a bird out there, you must watch it til it flies off.

Second, you must call one friend and ask her to bring her child over for a playdate. Then you must tell your friend about your terrible nights these days. When your friend offers to watch your child for a bit, you must go take a long hot bath with bubbles.

Thirdly, you are not allowed to cook tonight. Someone is going to have to bring you takeout.

Now you are completely forgiven.
this is why i love MDC. thanks. i needed that.
off i go to clean up the winey toddler from breakfast.
i am thinking a VERY early nap is in order.
Do you have anyone that you would trust to be capable of taking care of your child over night, to give you one nights good sleep? That is what I do when I feel like I'm totally loosing it from lack of sleep. Off alien goes to visit his grandparents over night.

Or if that not possible, would it be possible for DP to take one night being fully in charge of getting her to sleep, while you sleep in another room/with earplugs? Because you need to get at least one night's uninterupted sleep.
yes i do need one full nights sleep.
but DH sleeps like the undead. and doesnt wake up for ANYTHING. and if she isnt put back to sleep, or if she wakes and i am not there she screams like she is being killed.
also, i trust NO ONE enough to watch her overnight. i am still in mamabear mode. like i was when she was first born. does it ever wear off a little?
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