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Tired, frustrated, and at the end of my rope

609 Views 7 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  prettypixels
I am a MotheringDotCommune lurker and have gotten so many great things from this website, but I never here goes

I have a 5 year old, 2.5 year old and 7 mo. old in a tiny 2 bedroom house. Nobody sleeps. Let me repeat: Nobody sleeps. My 7 mo. DS wakes every 3 hours on the dot for a little nurse and then usually goes right back to sleep. Doesn't sound so bad, but I'm sure as all of you know this constant waking leads to exhaustion over the course of months. He is sleeping in a pak n play in our room while the other two are in bunk beds in the other bedroom.

So, I may be lambasted for this on this forum, but in a state of utter desperation I let him cry for a few nights. Didn't work, so we're back to nursing every three hours. However, if I don't get to him right away and he cries my 2 yo DS has started waking at a pin drop through the night. It's comedy really
: I nurse the little one and then head down the hall to see what's wrong with our 2 yo. and sometimes on a really hilarious night my 5 yo will wake screaming that she can't stand the baby crying. Oh, and then my husband will get in on the action. He's a bear in the middle of the night and I'd rather he'd just stay asleep then try to communicate with me. We usually end up screaming at each other and the whole house is crazy!!! We've always started our babies in the family bed for about six months but then they've always moved to the crib with no problem. Our 7 mo. doesn't sleep any better in his own bed or in our bed. In fact, I think he tends to squirm and wiggle more in our bed. We play musical beds at night with everyone. We've even tried sleeping in the living room for awhile.

Needless to say, everyone is exhausted. I can't handle tired kids during the day and I cannot see this ending anytime soon. We've tried everything and it comes down to me getting frustrated that our house is so small (you can hear everything even with fans - lots of fans) and we can't afford anything else, because we have chosen for me to be home with the kids instead of out working. Then I think, we can do this. I don't need a bigger house. I would be perfectly happy here if we could just get some sleep at night.

And honestly, my husband is not much help right now. We run our own business and he's just trying to stay afloat while being exhausted while at the same time I try not to scream at the kids while being completely fatigued. <-- This sentence is funny - obviously I'm tired.
We don't have a lot of help because a. babysitters are not cheap and b. family does not live nearby except my sister who is busy with her own life.

I hate to boo-hoo like this as I have been trying to stay positive and visualize what I want our nights to be, but I'm feeling really low this morning as my house is a wreck and we're about to have a playdate over with kids that I'm not crazy about.

Thanks for reading. I don't even need any responses. It just helped a little to write.
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ok..i lied about not needing responses. I'd love to hear from any of you that may have experienced a similar situation for encouragement and support. Thanks
when my son (4 months) was newborn we had many nursing issues and he and I cried an awful lot which led to a lot of crying and fighting in general among me, my husband, and my older son (13 years old)

so I cannot advise, as this passed for us at about 8 weeks but it was hell while it lasted so I feel you there
it's very hard.

I see that you realised quickly that CIO would not work so it's good you wont be doing that anymore. when your 7 month old wakes to nurse are you able to side-lie and nurse you both to sleep?
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I only have one 18 month old and our own sleep problems are small in comparison but feel so BIG, I can only imagine trying to juggle three children (and I also have the husband who just turns evil when he misses sleep. Ok, not evil, but even before we had our kid NOTHING is more important to him than his sleep. His mother says he's always been like this. He's just a jerk to anyone who interrupts his prescious sleep). I wish I had any advice. The only thing I can think of is to move someone to sleep in the living room - either seperate your older children or move your husband out there.

We also use tons of fans to cover noise, as well as humidifiers and recordings of fans we play on continuous loop all night. ANYTHING to muffle the sound so that whoever isn't on baby duty can sleep.

I truly hope it gets better for you soon.



I agree with PP about using something to drown out the noise. We sleep with "raindrops on the roof" playing continuously all night, every night, since my 13 mo. DS was born. Although my situation is very different from yours, it may help!

I would use it in both rooms.... let the kids choose what noise they like to lull them to sleep.... explain why and tell them they are going to sleep so well because of it. It will drown out the baby's cries maybe even make falling asleep easier. I'd recommend a raindrop noise, soft classical, anything soothing. You can play it at a low enough volume so it does not seem disruptive to their sleep. Then leave it on all night so it can help them sleep through the baby's cries.

I would also do this in your room. It may help the baby sleep better as well. I know it does for my DS. But it may not please your DH. Regardless of whether you do it in your room or not, I would get DH some foam earplugs right away. I know you want him to help more at night, but right now you should focus on stabilizing the situation at home and avoiding the craziness at night. That is not good for anyone and will only escalate! Get it under control now. Get DH the ear plugs and let him sleep. If DH catches up on some sleep, he can get focused on his work, and get himself together again. That will allow him to be more helpful in the long run and he will be grateful for the sacrifice you are making (well, he better be!). It is a sacrifice you make but his sanity will help the overall household's sanity too.

Go and find two DVD players THAT HAVE A REPEAT FUNCTION. Get some good noise to play and give it a shot. Make sure you explain to the kids what you are doing, because their expectation that it is a great solution will help to actually make it work.

Stay calm, take it one day at a time, keep the peace at home and know that it will all be better soon! You can do it! Keep up the awesome work momma!!! Hugs!
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I soooo hear you! I have gone through this. Probably NOT to the extent that you are but there are many levels of this. I think that maybe the fans aren't loud enough. My kids are super sensitive to the "everyday" sounds out there so I do have to drown them out with LOUD hepa filters and the dryer and so on and so forth. My 6 week old daughter can sleep soundly through the washer spinning at 1500rpms and the vacuum blasting but as soon as they go off...she wakes to the sounds of sparrows chirping.

Just know you are not alone. I am the walking frightful often getting by on no more than two or three hours of interrupted sleep nightly. Eventually all of this will pass by us and you will be lying there saying...."hmmmmm, I can hear the crickets and tree peepers" and you will be nodding off to la la land. Then your TEENAGERS will suddenly blast some loud music and wake you up again. hehehehe. Enjoy your babies while they are babies even if it comes with the headaches of no sleep.

I'm feeling your pain
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Am I understanding that the main problem is that your 7 month old DD is waking up every 3 hours in the Pak-N-Play, crying and waking the rest of the house?

If, so -- could you bring her into bed with you? My DS usually doesn't make it to the crying stage when waking to nurse since we're so aware of each others waking state. Maybe that would keep her from crying and waking the rest of the house?

I only have one babe so I've not been in such a hard situation!
I'm currently having my own sleep woes, so I don't have any good advice. Just sending you a hug and my mantra, which is... "Now is not forever." Though lately I'm too sleepy to remember my own mantra... yikes! I feel your pain!
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