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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
venting, sorry.<br><br>
But I'm sort of tired of people expecting perfection from my 15 month old. They expect her to be good natured all the time, because in general, she is. So when I vent to a friend that julia had a bad day, it's like they can't believe it--"wow, Julia was cranky! can't be true!" I feel as though people expect her to be this perfect toddler, never disagreeable, never whiney, never test limits, be she does, and I expect her to.<br><br>
This worries me, not only now, but in the future. I don't want people putting pressure on her to be "perfect" and "behave" well all the time. It's just not fair to her.<br><br>
Any advice? What can I say to people with such expectations? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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I get this sometimes, too with my DD (18 mos). I usually say something like, "yes she is wonderful, and she does have age-apropriate behavior." That's polite and can sound joking with friends.<br><br>
My MIL is the worst--she will go on and on: "Nora is just the smartest girl--she is going to drive her kindergarten teacher crazy because she will already know everything!" and "I bet she is better at (fill in the blank with anything DD is doing) than your friend's daughter--what's her name again?" and then "Nora, why are you fussing--you're [usually] such a good girl..."<br><br>
I can't stand it, and she doesn't understand what I mean when I try to talk to her about why these aren't the best things to be telling a child. Don't get me wrong--I do think DD is wonderful and smart--but that doesn't mean that she is or needs to be "smarter" than others, or that it is something appropriate to be bragging about--in fact, DD is very average in many areas. But even if she wasn't---still inappropriate! MIL just looks at it like she's just being a loving grandma. Blah! I don't like visiting...and it's getting worse as DD gets older...
 

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hmmm...i think i'm experiencing a bit of the same thing...none of our close friends have toddlers yet. and my ds is definitely in the spirited category. so they're always kind of horrified by his (completely normal) toddler behaviour - getting into things, making messes, testing limits, mood swings, the occasional tantrum. they always talk to him like he's two or three and would totally understand, ifykim. and what really yanks my chain is when they try to discipline him! it's no,no,no all the time. not letting him do stuff. ahem, he's MY child, thank you very much. i have limits for him but he's a toddler for crying out loud, he wants to handle things and explore.<br>
but i just swallow it most of the time and chalk it up to: give them a few years and they'll know what it's like!
 

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Have you recently met my parents or something?? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
I feel so much pressure for my son to behave perfectly with them and it drives me bonkers! Today, for example, my dad and stepmom wanted to come visit. I said, before lunch or mid-afternoon (knowing full well his moods and schedule). He normally naps right after lunch. Well, of course, today, he waits until 2 to go down! So they call at 2:30 and want to come. No. They call back after running errands: No, still asleep. And they are so shocked and amazed - cuz I said he's usually up by now! Duh! Not a robot, he's a 15 month old!!! So finally, I said, you can come now, but if he wakes up from the dog barking, then you get to soothe him!!<br><br>
It's as if they all forgot what kids were like!!!
 

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I hear you. Ds is naturally just a very chill, easygoing guy, and people are endless commenting on what a "good" baby he is, ever since he was born. It irritates me, but I can handle it. What I hate is when they say that he's a "role model" to other babies. Or they say "Look, [other baby], you should be more like T-bone!" So I feel like he is going to have that pressure to be perfect - which is awful - plus the other kids are being made to feel inferior - which is awful - plus if this keeps up the other kids will eventually hate him - which is awful.<br><br>
Oh and then if he *is* fussy, people totally freak out, b/c they thnk it's so unusual for him. He's a baby for chrissakes!<br><br>
BTW he is only 12 mo, so I am getting a little ahead of myself here.<br><br>
On another note, the other night my friend was telling me about another couple he knows who actually got *mad* when their 5 mo old dd peed while they were changing the diaper, and scolded her for it. Can you imagine what the rest of her childhood is going to be like? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shake.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shake">
 

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I'm right there with you!!<br><br>
My DD is 16 months, and for the most part, she's really good-natured and sweet. But she's a toddler, and she definitely has her moments, just like the rest of us. She's also VERY active, and there are days where it feels like I'm constantly redirecting her.<br><br>
We're living with my parents and they just do not seem to understand or care that she's being totally normal when she has a bad day or a meltdown. Like last night, my mom came home and DD was starting to get grouchy because she was starting to get hungry, and she's cutting 2 molars. She also took an early nap yesterday, so she was tired, and she wasn't having her best night ever. She started fussing and whining, and my mom took a really sharp tone with her and told her to cut it out, that she didn't want to listen to it, and my mom's tone really scared DD, and it made DD really start to cry. My mom rolled her eyes and told me that she didn't want to come home to DD when she acted like this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
And my mother wonders why she doesn't get along with her children...
 

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To update on the visit the other day...my son took awhile to wake up from his nap; you know, kinda sleepy and clingy and not quite playful for awhile. He wanted to keep his pacy and hold on to his lovey, which isn't unusual. But, when I tried to pop the pacy out of his mouth and get him to play, he whined a little (so of course I popped that baby right back in!!) and my dad says "Wow! He's really cranky today, isn't he?" UM....NO, he just woke up! And this from the guy who needs two cups of coffee and about 2 hours to wake up!!!<br><br>
Oh, and get this: my cousin has a 4 month old and her baby is one of those kids that HATES the car - screams bloody murder, throws up, etc. My dad and his wife can't comprehend it!!! They keep trying to make these plans for the holidays that includes lots of travel because my son is perfectly fine in the car! DUH!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
oh goodness, sounds like you guys are experiencing the same comments form friends and family. thanks for your comments
 
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