[Juvysen]

THAT is the question. *sigh*

I've been struggling with this for almost 2 years now. When Ds was around 4 months old, I got the distinct feeling that there was another little girl coming to our family at some point. And, now that feelings gone. But I waffle back and forth between DESPERATELY wanting a baby and being TERRIFIED that something might go wrong and I could leave my children motherless (

and I'm a homebirther - it's a completely irrational fear, but there none the less). Dh isn't really interested in having any more kids because my son is somewhat high energy/needs and it's been a rough year.

Bleh.

I just don't know if I wanna brave the baby phase and all it's little worries (SIDS, Labor, gosh, even the worry about miscarriages...) since I'm a total worrier. But I LOVE being pregnant and miss it terribly, and labor is such an interesting experience that I wanna do again and OMG I love the newborn period

It makes me terribly sad to think that we might not go through this again, but I honestly think the further we get from the baby period, the less likely dh is going to be willing to do it again. I had wanted lots of kids (like 5)... and close enough together to have something in common, I guess.

That said, we don't do hormonal birth control or even barrier methods - it's all NFP + pull out. I just hate feeling like any other children we might have will be an "accident/surprise" (no matter how happy). I want to be able to plan! I had a horrible time adjusting to my pregnancy with my daughter because she was a surprise.

Anyway, thanks for reading my little freak out. Ugh, this is really making me crazy.

 

[Angierae]

It really hard!

Dh and I do this all the time. Except when one is for it, the other of us is not! We always wanted 4, but after the 3rd pregnancy, we decided otherwise. Well, its been a year and we are changing our mind again! Planning would be nice, but I kind of like surprises, too!

We "avoid" the same way as you guys do, and so I can tell fairly well if we may be getting a surprise. I'm actually a little worried a surprise might have started last night.

I, um, totally failed to tell dh we were really close to O. Ah well, in the end I guess you can plan all you want and things sort of happen when they happen, yk? Both of my "planned" pregnancies ended in miscarriages. But do get DH on board if you decide you want more!

 

[fourgrtkidos]

Oh hugs Mamma. I understand how you feel. It is such a wonderful thing to be pregnant and be a mother of a newborn and so much work all at the same time. And, it is nice to plan so there aren't those ambivalant, surprise feelings...... I don't know what to say. Just that you aren't alone in your Mammahood feelings about your fertility.

Love and Blessings,
Michelle