[calimommy]

hi everyone, i posted here a few days ago but im not sure where i posted at

so im doing it again... i have a question for all those who are in grad school- how do you do it??? Im planning to start graduate school (MFT program) in October. My baby girl is 1 mo and 2 weeks old today and i'd like to know what some of the obstacles, barriers, etc some of you all have encountered while going back to school so that i can be prepared.
My husband is all for me going back to school But I really think its going to be totaly diffrnet once i start. ie: expectations of me doing all my homework in 1 hr, droping out, etc. please e-mail me or send me a post if there is anyone out there who has gone through this... I ahve tried to look for people in this situation but all i have goten was "ya should of thought of that BEFORE you had a baby"!!
I look foward to hearing form you all soon!!

:

 

[themamamama]

Hello!

I had my baby (well, almost toddler now

) last September and started a new grad school, um, last September. Fortunately my school offered paid (!) maternity leave so I didn't have to really start until February. My first semester back was really rough -- I've never done so badly in classes in my life. Part of the trouble was that I've always been the type to study late at night, but with a frequent night-waker, I just couldn't do that. I couldn't use weekends or evenings either because those were my times with my son. So, things that didn't get done during the day just didn't get done -- when it came to a choice between being a good mother and being a good student, I chose motherhood of course. I just had to lower my standards a bit. I still scraped by in my classes, so I don't have to take them again, at least.

One of the best pieces of advice I heard was not to let myself drop out in the first semester. If you can get through that, it can only get easier. I hope. I've been working on research all summer, but start my second real semester in September...

Not sure what else to add, just wanted to say, been there, done that, and still there, doing that!

- Melanie

 

[aisraeltax]

my ds1 was born while i was in college. then i went to lawschool when he was 3 and grad school when he was 6. not sure if you are interested in my experiences, since he wasnt a baby during grad school and was only a baby during college (i was a sophmore). if you would like any advice from me, just let me know and ill be glad to share!
coffee became a good friend!

 

[chinaKat]

subbing b/c I'm going to be in the same boat (HOPEFULLY), we're ttc and I'm getting ready to apply to grad school.

I am SO looking forward to school but I know it will be so very hard.

Any advice wrt scheduling would be greatly appreciated!!

 

[rinnerin]

Just do it! I had my DS during the first and second years of a three year, highly structured, highly competitive MHA program. It may be amnesia, but I think it was easier than I expected. I actually had a tougher time in school the year I was pregnant than I did the year after he was born. DH was incredibly supportive and was a very equal parent during that time (still is!). He slung him, fed him, nighttime parented when I had an exam or presentation and would take over when I needed study time. I also put DS in daycare during my school hours and added some extra so that I could have study time during the day. I am also a night time worker/studyer, but it ended up working out for us. I napped alot when DS was in daycare (when I probably should have been studying

). We viewed school as my job, that is how we rationalized day care. IME, grad school was much easier than when I went to work full time during my residency year. That is when things got interesting. And what's an MFT?

P.S. I actually got pregnant 3 weeks after starting school - I got alot of "what are your thinking" comments along with "are you capable of doing this?" Tell 'em to stuff it. There is no reason that you can't be a mom and get your education. It's not like you lose your mind or ambition when you have a baby.

 

[calimommy]

Ok, so there is a bit more to the situation, but not much. 1. Im a latina (first in my family to go to finish high school, etc, etc) and I work full time (have to). My MIL lives with us and is a blessing that she will care for the baby... kind of. se, shes 68 yrs old. the other day she told me that she is still "scared" of holding the baby...which only made me think shes not compleatly comfortable.
Maybe this is me imagining things but I sense a bit of hostility from her towards me going to school (as it was when i was in college i was always bugged with "why dont ya have a baby? she is /was a great mom...turned my husband into a man...she was a field/cannery worker, single parent with almost no other relatives helping her out, doesnt speak english and cant drive (to say the least)! (if anyone wants the whole story let me know..dont wanna bore anyone)
at anyrate, shesshe soens not se how/why i need to go to school if i have a dreee and a job already. she tells me how I'll end going crazy for being in school so much and that money is not everything (I know this already!) I think that to some extent she feels threated by me.
On the other hand she is always telling people how i have a great job and how her son married a "college grad" that makes good money. (my husband did not finish high school , has a steady job but makes about 8 dollars less than I do.
with that being said...my family is not taht supportive of me going to school. I figure it means more money down the line and a bvetter job as a therapist. (an MFT is a masters in family therapy) . there whole thing is "...and your gonna leave your baby??", don't you care about her? you dont REALLY have to go to school, etc, etc. Im 29 years old so I'll be done when im about 32. I think my MIL thinks Im a bit too ambitious.
I took an on line class this summer and ended up dropping it cuz the baby was peeping and my husband called me to the room to help him (it was an on line test i was taking) so when io got back... my time was up!

 

[Dmitrizmom]

to MDC!!!

I got pg with ds about 2 months before I finished my BSCE. I started my Masters in August 2000, and had ds about 2 weeks after the semester ended. I took classes part-time. I returned to classes when he was 3 weeks old. I too tended to study late hours before he came, but after I had to be better about studying between classes. You can do it. I took 2.5 years to get my masters (normally a 2 year program). Time management is the key.

My biggest challenges were and continue to be days when one/both of the dc are sick (thank goodness that doesn't happen very often), and they can't go to their care providers. Sometimes, if it is just a fever, I take the dc to school with me. More often, I stay home with them when they are sick. With my current program, I often can't take them with me.

I'm lucky that sometimes my dh can work his schedule to help and other times, my mom will make the trip to help out for a few days.

My dh is the biggest help. When I have exams that I need to study for, he takes care of the kids so that I can get out of the house to study (too many distractions for me at home-- need to clean, do laundry,... the list goes on and on

)

I've had to accept that I won't always have the neatest or cleanest house, my laundry won't always be done, folded and put away. Just knowing that what I'm doing will benefit my family in the long run means alot... especially when I've missed a first. Ds is 5 and dd is 3. It is getting easier, but I still miss the time that I can't be with them. I've got less than a year of school left and am looking forward to going into practice when I'm done.

Please join us over at the student mama's thread... we love having other mama's join us and we're really good when you need advice or just support and hugs. http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=463146

 

[calimommy]

what is a BCSE???, I think that deep (way deep0 i now i can do it, i just need encouragement. my hubby tells me "i know you can do it" but soemtimes its jsut me who doesnt belive it... I want to be a good mom, a wife a student, etc and so far i think i have been but im not sure what kind of preasure im going to get from graduate school. On the one hand i love to learn and cannot wait to go to grad school, I hope that when my daughter faces a rough situationa nd does not think she can handle it, she can look up to me and see that i went to school, worked full time and was a mommy at the same time!
ps. thanks for the invite!!

 

[Dmitrizmom]

BSCE = Bachelor of Science in Civil and Environmental Engineering. (looks more important than it is...

)