[jaidymama]

Ok, so this forum tends to have lots of questions about troubled marriages... of which mine is one of them... Today I was given a book that resonates loudly with where I'm at with my struggles. I figured it might help those of you who are trying to figure out if you should stay or go... The book is called:

"Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You DecideWhether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship" by Mira Kirshenbaum

For me, this book speaks directly to where I am at. In that there are problems that we have been trying to work through etc, yet it seems like we'd be better off apart... yet there are things we value and feel good about which sways me back and forth. What they call this in the book is being stuck in ambivalence and she claims that being stuck actually creates larger problems for the relationship... that living in limbo actually puts more distance between a partner. The book is set up with questions that are asked, depending on your answer they give you feedback about what others have done/thought in similar situations. She does not say that the book should be used as a definitive "do this" or "do that" but rather as a way to guide you through the confusion you may be experiencing.

Anyways, I've just read the first 2 chapters and I'm super excited at actually making progress in getting to my own answers about staying or going.

 

[mamamilkers]

This book was recommended to me by someone on this board last fall and I really, really thought it was good.

 

[babycarrier]

I read that within the last year and it was a great way for me to get a different perspective on my marriage issues. Great book!

 

[AutumnMelody]

I thought this was a neat book and I really liked the idea behind it, though I doubt that most people's relationships can be boiled down to simple answers like that. It was still a lot of food for thought.

It wasn't entirely helpful in my situation as the answers were totally divided. It was still interesting though and I know of some other people who really felt like they had major breakthroughs after reading it.

 

[KalamazooMom]

I also read this book, and liked the structure of it with the guidelines and questions and all. It does help you to think about issues in a much more straightforward way I think.

My major disappointment with the book was an almost total lack of discussion about kids. The author just kind of says that kids are going to better off if their parents are happy whether they're married or not. And I'm not sure I agree with that 100%. I really would have liked to see more of a discussion about the role of the kids / family in the ambivalent relationship.