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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I was at the OBGYN and peds office this week for a prenatal check and DS 18month check respectivey. I told both about plan to tandem nurse. As no surprise my OB insisted on weaning him as it is too depeating to be preg and nurse, as it is to nurse a 25month old and a new born. Okay in one ear and out the other. Then I went to peds office next door and the nurse who is also a certified lactation consultant and who raves about the benifits of bfing until the child is ready to wean told me the same thing and the proceeded to tell me how to gently wean ds. I have always wanted to tandem and thought I would but now I am a bit scared as I think a head to the demand of nursing a newborn and DS. In the end I don't think I will entirely wean as he Loves Nummy Nums. But at this point he is still nursing 6-8 times a day and 2-3 at night. So here is what I'm looking for pros and cons of tanden nursing and stories of how it went verses expectations. I am going to order the tandem nursing book by LLL but I want to hear from mommies.

thanks!
 

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i am tandem nursing my 2 1/2 yo and my 1 month old. it is HAAARD. i dont enjoy it at all. once i hit 4-5 months of pg, my hormones took over, and ever since then i get an overwhelming urge to bite or push ds when he nurses. i have no problem with 1 month old dd. when i found out i was pg, i nightweaned ds, and once nursing started to bother me, i set clear limits, and with my direction (but not pushing him more than he was ok with) we got down from 10+ nursings a day to 2-3, unless it was a particularly cranky day. the nursing hasnt increased much since dd was born, but i just hate it!! i hate it!!! and i HATE that i get those feelings toward him! i dont like feeling an urge to bite my child. i dont want to take away is "nursesides" now that so much has just changed in his life, and i believe that tandem nursing can be so beneficial to ds and dd relationship. however part of me wishes i had at least attempted to gently wean him before dd was born. i dont know. i would also be sad if he weaned because that would be just one more step towards him growing up
. and he is still SO young to be weaned, yk?

thats just me though- i have never "loved" nursing- i dont dislike it, its just kind of a neutral feeling. maybe for someone who *loves* nursing, the feeling would be different.
 

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Well, if nothing else I think that babies need to nurse until at least 2 years old, so I'd totally ignore the naysayers


-Angela
 

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nak...

if i read your post in the first month after ds2 was born, i would have said that i wished i had weaned ds2. however, at nine weeks i am very glad i didn't. we have worked into a new routine and i'm glad i didn't wean him.

i first thought that it was causing ds1 so much stress that i wished i had weaned him, but now he will wait wihtout a melt down (most of the time
) and i can even get them to sleep at the same time.

it certainly depends upon your own preferences, but it is working for us.
 

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I did and would again.
If your doctors don't support it, don't mention it. None of their business.
 

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I am pregnant right now with #2 and I don't have much milk left... but my plan is to tandem nurse, if my son can get through this pregnancy. He is 20 months old and absolutely loved his nursies until this point. He gets frustrated now because of my supply and has really cut down the times he asks, but still wants to nurse a few times a day. I am hoping we can keep those times. I just really feel he was not ready to stop, and I will encourage him to keep going.

There is nothing wrong with nursing through pregnancy, and tandem nursing. It is OK to wean during pregnancy if you want, but if both are content with it, there is no reason why you have to. Many mamas I know who have tandemed said it was hard in the beginning, but later on once they got used to nursing two, they always knew where the older one was when they nursed the younger, it helped quell sibling rivalry, and the older one still had that special connection and benefits of a nursing relationship.

It is really up to you, it seems like both your health care providers are misinformed, it is too bad that a lactation consultant is giving out this type of information to people. Adventures in Tandem Nursing is an excellent book, and I would encourage you to take it one day at a time, and see where you wind up. LLL is very supportive of tandeming and a Leader would definitely help you get through any rough spots should you encounter them!
 

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Also check out the information on the kellymom site...

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/tandem/index.html

There's some great information and ideas for either tandem nursing or finding a gentle balance between the needs of your little ones (and you, of course!
). But as long as you are healthy and well fed, tandem nursing is totally do-able from a medical perspective so don't worry about your doctor!
 

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[i could have wrote homemademommas reply. i did like nursing my ds- UNTIL i got pg. and then i would want to hurt him for nursing. i was soooo mad at him. I have recently weaned him dd is now almost 8 months- he is no longer wanthing to nurse- truth be told our relationship would have suffered less if i had weaned him.

that said i am in
full support of tandem nursind- ebf- etc etc. if you want to nurse- nurse!!!
remember it is a relationship- set boundaries- you are a person too( i forgot that!)
good luck!!! lots of mamas do it!!!!! you can too!!!
 

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i still tandem. my baby is 2.5 yrs. my older nursling is 5.5 yrs. i am sorta ready for my 5 yr old to be done, but she rarely nurses more than to sleep at night.

i had those antsy feelings, too, and i did and do set limits and i ask them both to end a session, but overall i'm glad i did it. i've never been in love with nursing either, but dd1 sure was and i just couldn't take it away from her and i don't think she would have gone willingly either. not a battle i wanted to take on. i also recommend "adventures in tandem nursing" . there are lots of mommy stories in it and it tells some of the changes to expect during pregnancy, too. great resource.

oh, and in case you were worried, my dd2 was 9lbs 4oz when she was born. i don't think tandeming harmed her development at all!
 

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We're TTC and I'm also planning to try to nurse through pregnancy and then tandem if DD's still interested. She's 3 years old now.

DD used to be very possessive of me and my body, but lately she seems to be getting used to the idea of possibly sharing her milkies if we have another baby.

Today, we were having a hard time because I was feeling touched out (DH is working long hours) and DD wanted to nurse all the time today. I finally had to tell her I needed to calm down and have a snack first. We read some books while I had a snack and then she asked about 10 minutes later "Mommy, can I have milkies now?" It was so sweet.

We layed down to nurse and then she handed me her baby doll and asked me to nurse her as well.
:

So I got my first practice at "tandem" nursing with DD and the baby doll.

I'm definitely going to check out the LLL book.

I did mention it to my OB/GYN nurse that I was considering nursing through pregnancy and tandeming. She didn't seem concerned at all.


I'm looking forward to reading other mamas' stories here to learn more about tandem nursing. Thanks for starting this thread!
 

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I have always been very glad to tandem nurse. Linda was born early, so there were some latch issues, and so Bobbie was helpful both to encourage my supply and to occasionally take the edge off engorgement later on. There were some jealousy issues to deal with, but at the same time I think it might have helped with sibling rivalries too. And this time around, it has definitely helped Linda adjust to having to share Mommy a bit more.

That said, I don't think it's necessary. Offhand I cannot think of anything more painful than nursing a clingy toddler while in the throes of back labor! It wasn't exactly a pleasant thing during the "normal" part of pregnancy either.

As far as it taking too much out of you...So far as I can tell, that's nonsense. Physically, at least. Occasionally, psychologically, it is a drain. I get sick of being touched sometimes. But proper nutrition will see you through, IME.
 

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My kids are 15 mos apart. I nursed my daughter all the time during the pregnancy although I did night wean her halfway through. My son was born after 41 weeks gestation and was 11 pounds and 22" so no problem there. Tandeming was hard because of the sensation and instinctive desire to wean the toddler, but having the toddler immobile and happy was priceless. A year and a half later ... she's been nursing just twice a day (mom's limit) for a long time and I'm thinking of cutting her back again, to once. I think it is a great thing for sibling bonding if you can do it. It has been unpleasant at times, I won't lie. I think it's been worth it.
 

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Well, I don't know what you would call what I'm about to do, but I will be pumping for my 12mo after his baby brother is born. Tandem milk-giving?? My oldest was weaned at 6 months and has unfortunately forgotten how to nurse
: We're working on fixing that....and I won't give up until he finally returns ( even if he's 2yo when it happens ). I think you have a fantastic opportunity and you shouldn't pass it up. I say tandem nurse
 

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hi--
ignore your health care providers, unless you have a medical issue that would make nursing anyone (not to mention two) a danger to your health.

I am currently tandeming my 8 month old and my 3 yr old. I won't tell you what to do because it is so individual. The pros, in my experience: less jealousy, ability to calm older dd, continuation of one stable thing through a lot of change, the health benefits of nursing, and a continued feeling of closeness to dd, no engorgement or blocked ducts or those sorts of problems. the cons: it is hard at first. Older DD was so demanding, asking to nurse all the time. I felt very overwhelmed having two to nurse, it seemed I got nothing done. I have body boundaries issues and having two nurslings pushes me, even at this time. And as another poster mentioned--I physically react in a negative way when older dd nurses. it makes me feel sick. I want to push her away, throw up, make her stop. We are in the discussion stage of weaning at this point. She is three and it feels like she is using me now. My goal is to have her wean by Halloween. I am glad we have tandemed this far, but it is time for change. The drawback of not weaning during preganancy is that my baby will still be nursing, while I will be cutting older dd off--that will be a challenge.

Good luck.
 

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When I got pregnant with ds I figured that I would be tandem nursing when he was born. I was very surprised to find out how much I hated nursing while pregnant. I had always loved nursing before that and was amazed by how strong the feelings were when dd was nursing. I just wanted her OFF of me and felt awful for feeling that way. Eventually she "weaned" herself a few months later when my milk dried up which devastated me even though I had been really struggling. I had planned to nurse her until she was at least 2yo. She only nursed once the entire rest of the pregnancy. When ds was a few weeks old she asked for 'meemee' again, so I let her try thinking she'd get over her curiosity and be done. The next day she asked again, and this time actually drank some milk. Then the next day she asked twice
Suddenly we were tandem nursing! She nurses probably about 4-5 times a day now (and is nursing as I'm typing
). My point is to go with the flow of what works best for you and your toddler. You may or may not have cranky feelings when nursing while pregnant. Your toddler may or may not decide that they want to wean themselves due to changes in milk flavor and supply. If your toddler "weans" you never know if that is the end of it until you actually they go through watching their sibling nurse and then react to it. Some toddlers will just ask to try once and thats it. Others are like my dd. Then there are those that never stop nursing through the whole pregnancy! Wishing you a healthy happy pregnancy and nursing relationship!
 

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Your doc's "info" about tandeming is way off.

That said, for me personally it sucked and it sucked for the whole 14 months I did it. I wouldn't and haven't done it again. My now-toddler was weaned at 2 during pregnancy, and while I am seriously quite sorry he doesn't have that comfort and nutrition, I know that my oldest had a much worse overall situation because he WAS tandem nursed. It's not for me, and it's not for a lot of mamas. I think we owe it to would-be tandemers to speak the truth about that.

I wish we had a crystal ball.... because obviously tandem nursing is *beautiful* and works great for other mamas. It's so hard to know how it will go until you take the plunge. Good luck!
 

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I am tandem nursing a 3.5 yr. old and a 7 mo. old, and will never nurse through pregnancy again.
I have never liked nursing and it was especially painful during pregnancy, especially from months 2-4 when I had no milk. My son was 27 mos. when I got pregnant and nursed at least 10-15 times a day throughout my pregnancy and beyond. He's recently made great progress towards weaning and only nurses 3-5x a day.
It was hard on me, but I am glad I did it. It just wouldn't have been fair to my oldest child to wean him. I plan on letting both of my boys self-wean and if I have a third child, it will be after they are both done nursing. They are both very healthy, big boys (my littlest was 9 lbs. at birth and 18 lbs. at 4 mos!) And really, tandeming is fine now. It was just the last 7 mos. of pregnancy and first 5 mos. of the baby's life. A year of miserable nursing isn't that much in the grand scheme of things, especially when it's something as important to your kiddo as nursing.
 

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My experiences are on both sides of the fence. I currently have a 15 month old and my older toddler will be 4 years in about 2 weeks. Both boys if that makes a difference.

At first during my pregnancy, there was no difference. Until I started into my second trimester. Maybe even further toward my 3rd trimester. Then it started getting uncomfortable. Maybe it's natures design to make room for the next baby. I don't know. But I had a c-section with all my boys. They won't let me even try a VBAC anymore. But that's another story. But I don't know what it's like to have to nurse during labor. But at the end of your pregnancy, your milk will turn back into colostrum. Which is healthy for your toddler and it can decrease his nursing amounts. He won't get much out and it will start tasting different. Some kids will wean on their own, some wont. Mine almost did. But just as soon as he saw the baby nursing, he wanted to try too. Then as soon as my milk came in, he was hooked again. Like there was no tomorrow. I think we had some jelousy issues in the beginning. And quite a few looks from the hospital staff as they would come into my room and see me with both boys latched on at the same time.

They let me keep my toddler in the hospital with me all day and night.

Keep pictures! You will love looking at them in the future. At first, breastfeeding both at the same time was just a matter of positioning. But as the days wore on, I started having issues with it. I went thru the aggression as well. Everytime my kids would breastfeed together, I felt like literally picking them up and throwing them off me and running far far away. I had to keep these feeling bottled up because I so wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted to have the love and peaceful feelings like before. So I have since had to change the rules over. I tried to double as long as possible but I realized if it's going to be a good thing, then some things need to change. I will occasionally feed them both at the same time for a moment or two. But most of the time, I make one of them wait. Which is hard, but I try to compensate with hugging the other one at the same time. Or rocking in the rocking chair. Or just getting my husband to distract one. Something of that nature. It has helped quite a bit.
I do think that double breastfeeding (both boobies active at the same time
) has helped them develop a relationship. Even though they still have sibling issues. But my toddler has learned that Mommy isn't leaving him to be with the new baby. He just has to share me. Night night time has been an interesting juggle since we co sleep. At first I would try to put them both down at the same time. Then that was too frustrating. I actually started giving the older boy a bottle to get some of his sucking needs dealt with while I would get the baby down. Then he would nurse for a minute and go to sleep pretty quickly. I know what people say about the bottle but it did work for us for a while. More as a distraction than anything else. But we have survived 15 months and still counting. I don't see any end in sight. My older son has slowed down on his nursings and only nurses a few times a day. Some days less.
The biggest issue I have found is attention.
I used to spend so much time with my toddler and I didn't even realize it. All the nursings really added up. Even if I was doing other things at the same time. He was spending time with me. And then after the new baby was born, I wasn't spending as much time with him as before. I was toting the baby around everywhere and when he needed a minute to reconnect, he was told to wait until the baby was done. I was a complete change in his world and he didn't get the Mommy attention he deserved. That was a hard issue for me to fix.
Good luck. And unless you have a medical or nutrition reason that sets you apart from the average person, there is no reason why you can't nurse through pregnancy and beyond. Just remember not all medical professionals have experience with this.
And if you have aggression feelings, it's common. And annoying. Don't feel alone about it, but you should address them before they get so bad you decide to act upon them. I haven't known anyone who did but they can get really bad.
Good luck and congrats.
 

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As a mama who has been tandeming for almost 11 months now, I say it is definitely worth it!
I also had a OB who tried to tell me that I would be hurting my unborn baby if I continued nursing while pg
:, but I did my research and determined that for me, there was little risk. One thing I would highly recommend though, is setting some limits for the older one. DS was night-weaned, down to about 3 times a day when DD was born. He was 2y8m. When she first came home, I let him nurse a bit more often for a few weeks as she was nursing a lot round the clock, but we gradually settled back into our usual pattern and now he is down to a very manageable twice a day, and she nurses about 6 or so times a day. It DEFINITELY helped them develop their relationship (nothing like your nurslings holding hands and smiling at each other while nursing!
). It is more and less work. More in that you have to be careful and eat and drink well to take care of yourself, plus you spend a lot more time nursing, but less work in that you don't have to be quite as creative in ways to entertain the older one while nursing the younger one. Good luck in whatever you decide!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Thank you all for your words of wisdom! I knew all long that I wanted to do it, even before I got pregnant, but all of you reconfirmed my feelings that this is the best thing for my babies. I do have to say that I know that I an going to have to set limits with DS prior to the baby coming, and to stick with them after. I have always let him nurse on demand even when that ment I was nursing my 10 month old every hour at night. I think that tandem nursing is the right thing to do for both of us. He loves his Nummy nums and could not give them up. My OB stated sib. riv. for a reason not to tandem, but it seems that for many of you that was not the case! I also like the idea of setting limits vs. calling it partial weaning, it sounds so much nicer! I have always loved nursing and I hope this works. Only time will tell but I will give it a chance if it is to happen it will.

Thanks again Mamas


Mama to peanut
8, Little dude 18 months
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: , and
baby due
: in feb. '07

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