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To those of you with 3+ kids...

2603 Views 49 Replies 43 Participants Last post by  Carley
I'm trying to talk DP into at least one more... to be honest, I love babies and seeing them turn into little people with their own personalities/quirks is so fun!

So... is three really just as easy as two? DS is seven, DD is three months... I'm a homeschooling SAHM and we live on 25 acres.

What about having four or more? Do they all kind of entertain each other - or are you constantly 'on call'? Share your good and bad experiences with me, please!!

TIA
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I don't know the answer, but you and DH are after that 3rd kid.

I haven't had a break from pregnancy/nursing for 5 years now. So I'm personally opposed. Of course, I know DH will manage to knock me up regardless.

My old boss always says, 1 is okay, 2 is like 3, 3 is like 5 and is crazy crazy crazy.

Anyways.

Liz
Obviously it depends on a lot of factors, but really it's just different. 4 was easier than 2 when the baby was very little, because all of my boys could play together and keep each other occupied, while when #2 was a little baby I was still the one and only to my oldest. 4 is easier than 2 because I have been a mother for 6 years (as opposed to 2 years) and I have been through the baby stage 4 times. 4 is harder than 2 when everyone needs something at once, or I am trying to get everyone in to the car or off of the playground, 4 is harder than 2 when I just need some peace and quiet and there are four little ones following me tinstead of 2...
3 hasn't been bad, just busier then it was with 2 but without that adjustment of getting used to splitting your attention. We are on the go so much that loading in and out of car can be a pain, and my biggest concern about maybe having another someday. I don't feel like I have many kids but now that there are 3, I keep getting lumped into another category, one of "those" women. To me a larger family is 5 or so but I guess not for some people.

ETA: And I hear the poster talking about the never ending bfing, as I come up on my 7th year of it, I feel your pain. Sigh.
I have three and it isnt that bad, my kids are almost 8, almost 6, and almost 3. I am DYING for one more baby lol
We are a new 3-kid family - the littlest is just 9 weeks old, and so far it's been really really hard. Crazy, ridiculous, silly hard. Although I was able to split my time two ways between the first two, I'm finding it impossible to split my attention three ways. I sure hope this gets easier and it's much harder than I expected.
i think it depends on a lot of things....how much help you have, the ages of your kids, etc. in 1 week i'll have having #3......i anticipate it being quite hard, because my others are only 3.5 and 22 months....so all in car seats, 2 in diapers, etc. also, my kids still require a lot of attention, which i think will be hard while i'm constantly nursing the new baby. i also think it will be hard because my 3.5 yr old all of the sudden doesnt sleep thru the night, so i'll be on VERY little sleep with 2 up at night. however, as they get older, i'm sure that it will be easier and i'll be happy that i had them closer together. i plan to homeschool, which will be interesting with 3 at different ages/stages....but they arent so far apart....so i should be able to do a lot of group activities with them.
i know homeschool moms of 6-8 and they all say that it's hard while they are little but much easier when they start getting older and start entertaining and playing with each other.
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My three are 8, 4, and 17 months (#4 due in April). The hardest part for me is that my 4 year old has cerebral palsy and visual impairment and is only about 2.5-3 years old developmentally. She needs a lot of help, in many ways she needs more help than her little sister. The hardest is when the two younger ones are both upset and both want me, they can't share and they just get jealous and screech. Most of the time though they all play together and entertain each other pretty well.

I think 4 is going to be a lot harder for me, especially since it will be our closest age spacing. Right now I have a "system" for going out and running errands, it's going to be hard to adjust I think.
Anyone who says it's not hard isn't being honest.


But is it worth it? Of course! And it does get easier with each day that goes by. You have a 7 yo so you should actually have some help. It would be more like you have 2 and an older child to help out, imho. What would be harder is like Reebekah and the ages of her children. I did that with three of mine. It was hard... but fun, too!
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I have a friend who always said: 1 is a sidekick, 2 is a handful and 3 is an anchor. She also said that once you have 3, having anymore is just like plugging them into a system. I think it's true that as you have more kids, and get more used to being a parent/family, certain things are easier--we have way way more of a routine now than we did with one, bedtimes, mealtimes, etc are easier as a result.

I have definitely found the transition to each additional kid easier than the previous one. My younger 2 are 26 months apart which (as a previous poster said) is difficult in terms of car seats, diapers, and general neediness: like having 2 babies. If we have a 4th, I'd rather wait till #3 is about 3.

Jessi
I think it just depends on so many things- spacing, temperments- to name just a couple.

We have 4, the 4th is just 4 weeks old. My most difficult transition was from no kids to 1. For me, going from 1 to 2 and from 2 to 3 kids was easy. Going from 3 to 4 has been harder. Not terrible hard, but harder. Part of what makes this transition tougher for me is that this is my closest spacing (not by a lot, but still). My 3rd was only 26 mos old when Laney was born and he is so much still a baby. I feel guilty that he doesn't get me as much as he used to (and still wants to). The other thing for me is that while my oldest is almost 8, he is my most spirited child and he requires a lot of my energy. He can sometimes be helpful, but honestly he saps a lot more of my energy than he saves.

I always wanted a big, crazy, wild, chaotic family though, so here we are
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For me, three was a big adjustment. Everything seemed to take exponentially longer. it was a year before I felt like my feet were back under me.

But there are plenty of pluses. They do entertain each other quite well. They love each other. And I can't imagine not having our third one! His existence has changed us for the better.
: And we never lack for entertainment--he's incredibly perceptive and clever, and uses that to full advantage.
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I agree that there are alot of variables(temperments and ages) but I also feel they come after a 40 week prep period
and that we always can adjust to one more. Workwise...definately more. Laundry for just one more baby can wreak havok in a schedule, but you eventually adjust. Homeschooling will be made alot more complex when you deal with multi level children, but there are unit studies or multi level curriculum to make it easier. I love having a big family, and can't imagine having even one less, but when I started out I couldn't imagine having more than one. HTH
Wendy
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Quote:

Originally Posted by dachshundqueen View Post
My old boss always says, 1 is okay, 2 is like 3, 3 is like 5 and is crazy crazy crazy.
I TOTALLY agree with this. Two is so calm and peaceful; three is like living in a circus. I'm serious. I don't know what it is about that number three. If only two of my kids are here -- and it doesn't matter which two, or what combination of kids -- everything is smooth sailing. Throw that third one back in, and chaos ensues. I don't know about four or more since I only have three at this point. I can only tell you that my life was much calmer before the third one came to be. (Although the third one is the absolute LIGHT OF MY LIFE, so I wouldn't change a thing.
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We had 3 pretty close together -- our oldest was only 4 and our middle son just 2.5 when number 3 came along. My oldest has autism and is delayed so that made things harder. I had 3 in diapers... I also happened to have DD when my oldest was not in preschool because it was summer time -- so I went from having help with his care to having none. Then all the help I was supposed to have (various family members) basically fell through (mostly because of health/surgery that was affecting my parents and my other sister ended up having a baby at the same time). So...it was very difficult for the first several months. Now that she is 2 I don't feel that it is all that difficult -- she fits right in with her older brothers and it doesn't seem like any extra work for me. ETA: The worst part was the pregnancy and first 3-4 months pp ... because of hormones/lack of sleep/and having two small children that were very needy because of their ages/development.
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Transitioning from 1 to 2 was not hard for me, but adding number 3 was really difficult. It took a long, long time to get back my equilibrium. 4 years later and I finally feel like I'm getting there.
Quote:
have a friend who always said: 1 is a sidekick, 2 is a handful and 3 is an anchor.
I like that--except, of course, there are a few ways in understand the word anchor. I see a largish family as a very positive thing--and anchor, strong roots, an absolute center to my life. I know exactly who I am and what I am about and what my life is focused on on a daily, yearly and long-term basis. Of course, people do with one or two children as well, but given my family sized (4 and one on the way) and age (42) I am now experiencing a rootedness and a sense of of calm focus that eluded me in my footloose and ambitious 20s.

Which isn't to say we are stuck here. We travel. WE've lived abroad a couple of times, once for 4 years, and we have great great fun. My kids work hard at academic work, helping around the house, and their sports and music. They are largly self motivated, in part because they have to be. And they play and play together. All the time. And usually without casualty.

I love having a batch, for all the obvious reasons, and I do recognize the dowsides (mainly financial). The best reason of all is that each one really is a person in his or her own right and so interesting and exciting to know and see grow, change, and become. I have afront-row seat on the best show ever, and feel so lucky about that.

Because of our family size and the nature of my husband's job (which is demanding, involves lots of travel and is unpredictable) our division of labor is very traditional (though Dh and I both consider ourselves feminists and progressives.) There is a lot of meal making, cleaning, and stuff managment here, but many hands make light work!

HTH
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We have four daughters, aged 8, 6, 2 and 5 months. Going from 1 to 2 was a fairly easy even though they are 22 months apart. Going from 2 to 3 was pretty hard honestly. My third daughter is very high spirited and very vocal and demanding. I love her with all of my heart but she is hard. We waited 4 years to have another after the first 2 so I think that might have been some of the problem--just being out of the "baby" phase. She was supposed to be the last and then I got pregnant with #4 and was terrified of having another difficult baby. But you know, Evelyn(#4) just fits right in. And Georgia(#3) loves her baby sister and I now know she was never meant to be the last child. She needed that sibling close in age(24 months apart) to kind of buffer her personality.

Getting out can kind of be a hassle but I do it with 4 kids all of the time. I do only try to grocery shop with just the baby or by myself now that she can go more than an hour between nursing. I don't like having 2 in diapers but my 2 yr old is peeing in the potty now so that cuts diapers to only nap and bed which is nice. I am not saying that it can't be hard. Dinner can be hectic and so can bed time but honestly you just find a groove and hang in there.

Honestly I am so glad that I got pregnant and we had a fourth. She is just what we all needed in our family and we love her so.
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3 was an adjustment because you are officially outnumbered. At least for awhile. Mine were all really close in age, though. But 4 was so easy it was a joke.
Quote:

Originally Posted by *violet* View Post
We are a new 3-kid family - the littlest is just 9 weeks old, and so far it's been really really hard. Crazy, ridiculous, silly hard. Although I was able to split my time two ways between the first two, I'm finding it impossible to split my attention three ways. I sure hope this gets easier and it's much harder than I expected.
Hugs! It is hard and I felt the same way a few months ago. Third is 8 months now and it has steadily gotten easier. It does get better!!!
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