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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
After successfully avoiding the process server for days and days, Grace's birth mom was FINALLY served with adoption papers. So that makes today the first day of thirty that will constitute 'default' in our case for termination. We tried it the easy way, by giving bm (what's a better term???? not that I care all that much.) the chance to join the petition, but she thinks we're liars when we say that she will always be a part of Grace's life. She thinks we'll, at some point, just decide that she can't ever see her again.<br><br>
Funny.<br><br>
She hasn't called or written or sent a gift or ANYTHING in almost a year. You'd think she was pretty much over 'seeing her.'<br><br>
I'm trying so hard to not be angry with her. Anger can't be good - for me, or for Grace, or, especially right now, for dh. He's really suffering over this because he just feels like he's lost all of his family now in this decision. I don't think he'd change anything, but it's just hurting him. His grandparents, who are functionally his parents, have decided not to 'choose sides' between their grandchildren (dh and his sister) - which means that, effectively, they're not supporting us. His grandmother, further, keeps insisting that 'this isn't bm's fault, it's just that she was so young.' VERY FRUSTRATING.<br><br>
Anyway, I know this is a rambley mess. Sorry.
 

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Sending hugs. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Hopefully 30 days from now this will be final.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Most people agree that bm isn't the kindest term for women in the triad. It's just so "bowel movement," you know? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I've seen bmom as shorthand, but I think birthmom is probably the best.<br><br>
I wish you were getting more support from your family. I know how tough it is to go through an emotional experience on your own. It's not fair. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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you have done all you can for the bmom -- i see bm and think breast milk <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> --<br><br>
she is after all an adult -- this is about the baby -- you DD .....<br><br>
We'll be counting the days with you ...<br><br>
Aimee
 

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what day are you on now?<br><br>
Aimee
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you and your family.<br><br>
I hope the days move quickly. With time maybe some family members will see things differently and be more supportive.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Fourteen days and counting . . . .<br><br>
Thanks, y'all, for keeping this in mind! DH clarified some stuff for me yesterday (we've not had much talking time lately). Apparently when the default (on Day 30) happens, our lawyer will then file for a 'failure to respond' or something like that. THEN, she'll have either one or two weeks to respond to THAT (I guess 30 days isn't quite enough time <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">), but we'll already have a court date, hopefully around May 1st. THAT date will be the final date. But I've thought I knew the final date before. I know I'm not on the same roller coaster as a lot of you who are waiting (I don't know how y'all can do it!) on referrals, but this waiting is like waiting for a burglar to break in in the middle of the night. I think it might happen, I've installed the alarm system and armed it, I can't see two feet in front of me . . . .
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Yay! I am starting to get hopeful that it's almost over.
 

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Wonderful news Wendy!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/fingersx.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="fingersx">:
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biggrinbounce.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bgbounce"> Saturday was day 30 for dd's bmom to reply to the TPR filing. Not a peep out of her. (Actually, she did send dd an Easter card, which she signed 'mommy' with her name in parentheses.) Anyway, she did not contest the petition.<br><br>
Our atty is going to file the notification of default on Friday and then there will be a default hearing next Friday, at which he will request a finalization date of APRIL 28TH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Three weeks! I cannot believe that we're almost there. It's just crazy.<br><br>
So, now I'm planning some sort of consecration ceremony. I'd love to hear about any that you've had and what worked/didn't work/held particular meaning, etc.<br><br>
Y'all I'm just beside myself and wish the days would go fast! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biggrinbounce.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bgbounce"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bouncy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bouncy"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/energy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Energy">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/luxlove.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="throb"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumbsup.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbsup">
 
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