[because]

OK, new mom here. What should I have done?!

DD (8 months) and I were at a indoor playground today. We didn't know anyone except one mom and her two boys. The mom and I were sitting on some chairs and DD was happily crawling around and playing with some toys. She had crawled about 10 feet from me and was sitting in the middle of about 20 feet of floor space. She was not near any play structures or other kids. We had only been there about 10 minutes.

Out of no where, this stranger boy about 2 or 3 y.o. comes running toward DD. I don't do anything at first because I don't even realize that a kid would do this to a baby... He runs full blast into DD and knocks her down. I leap up just before he hits her and get to her just after.

I ignore him as he's laying where he fell. I pick her up as she starts to wail and immediately take her over to the chairs to nurse. The boy's mom comes over and picks him up but I have no idea what she said or did to him because I was focused on DD. She didn't say anything to me all day.

Later, the boy is throwing a rubber ball at some other kids and being a general bully. If I had seen him acting like that before, I would have been much more protective of DD when I saw him running.

My question is: What should I have done afterwards?

My mom says that I should have scolded the boy as I was picking up DD. You know, the whole "it takes a village" thing. Am I just niave or should his mother be doing that? Is it my place to scold? What would I say? Should I have spoken to his mother instead? If so, when? I wasn't going to ignore DD's wails to talk to her then and I would feel weird tracking her down later.

Please help a mama who's new to this!! TIA!

 

[MomInCalifornia]

I'm sorry you had that happen at the indoor gym!

I have never been to an indoor play area, so I am not really sure how it all works. Was the other childs mother right there? Did she see what he did. If so, I would certainly have expected her to speak to her son, and to make sure your daughter was ok. If she was not right there, perhaps she did not see her son hurt your daughter, and just was coming to get him.

I have a daughter who is 9 months old, and I am not sure what I would have done had some one done that to her. I may have said something as I was picking her up, like "I'm sorry he hurt you, I know it really started you to be knocked over like that". Obviously more for the sake of the older child and his mother!

Are they play ground staff around? If it looks like one child is really being a bully, and the parents are not handeling it, maybe you could ask the staff to say something. Do you pay to get in to these places? If so, I would thik you have every right to ask them that bullying children be asked to leave, as you have payed for a safe place for your child to enjoy.

Again, I am sorry to hear of your hard day, and I hope your DD is doing much better!

Sarah

 

[Piglet68]

Well, I probably would have done exactly what you did: tend to my DD first, comfort and nurse her. You say you don't know what the other mother did during that time, so maybe she did have a talk with him. When you then realized the child's behaviour was overall "bullyish" then I would have just kept a very close eye on him and kept my DD away from him. Being down on the floor with her if need be. I also would have mentioned something to a supervisor if there was one, but I wouldn't have approached the mother (I'm a poor confrontationalist, plus I think it's a very touchy area to criticize someone else's kid/parenting).

 

[USAmma]

My dd is going through a bully stage-- I think what that toddler did was probably just him going through that stage. But his mom should have been watching him more closely first of all. If she wasn't able to prevent him shoving your dd, she should have at the very least apologized to you and asked if your dd was okay.

Sorry this happened to you, but I can tell you as someone who has an almost 3 year old that what that toddler did was probably normal toddler behavior. It's been hard for me to see my loving, gentle dd turn into a grabbing, shoving little tyrant. If you see kids around that age, try to stay nearer to your dd just for her own safety. I think you reacted just right-- if you had been scolding that boy you would have not been able to take care of your dd. Leave the parenting to the mother and if she doesn't do it, she's doing her son a disservice.

Darshani

 

[turquoise]

You poor thing! I hate it when stuff like this happens, not only because it's no fun to have DD run over by a freight train preschooler, but also because you think of all the good things that you could have said or done well after you're gone.

But for me, the word "scold" has a bad sound to it. Maybe I'm more passive-agressive when it comes to scolding other people's kids. :LOL I probably would have said something as I was heading over to pick up DD like "hey now, that's not nice! Let's be more careful and look out for our friends next time" or my favorite "it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye". And then said, something to DD about "that boy didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sure he's sorry." Not sure if I would have checked to make sure he was ok too. Depends on whether I got a strong feeling that it was an accident or that it was him being mean. I usually err on the side of accident until I get good proof that this is just a mean-spirited kid. Then I'll either leave or steer clear of the little devil.

Yes, it is the parent's place to say something to stop their kid from being mean, but you also have the right to say something especially when the bullying is directed at your kid. I think it's good for the bully and for your kid because it shows that bullying is not nice and you won't accept it, also (hopefully) preventing your kid from picking up the bad habit.

If my kid had plowed over a baby I would have been ALL apologies and made him say he's sorry. Even if it was an accident. But you also have to remember that there are those folk who could care less about how their kids behave, let alone what happens to your kid, and if you say something to them or their kid they'll just get mad at you. If you do run into that, then it's definately time to leave - and ask for a refund.

 

[Liz]

We just got back from an indoor playground that we have been going to since ds was a toddler - he's now 3 - so I have a lot of experience at these places. The beauty of them for me is that the kids can run around and get really physical in a way they just can't at home. Most people with babies stay very close to them because the other kids are running around and are not always in full control of their bodies. You handled it exactly as I would have and I'd assume the other mother did talk to her son. If it had been my son I would have tried to catch your eye to apologise and make sure your daughter was alright. If I knew my son had a tendency to do this kind of thing intentionally I'd stick close to him but I could still see this happening unintentionally. I would stick closer to your baby because in a room full of rampaging kids - even 'nice' kids - it's just not safe.

 

[merpk]

Agreeing that a barrelling 2 or 3 yo is a normal 2 or 3 yo, not necessarily a bully.

I'd pick my baby up, soothe, and maybe say to the 2 or 3 yo (if he's within earshot) something like, "We have to be careful of other children," and that would be it.

If I was 2 or 3 yo's mom, would have apologized profusely, inquired after your baby's welfare, and then told my 2 or 3 yo that he has to be more careful of the other children, and if the shoving happens again, we're leaving the playground immediately. Even if he was just running toward something else and accidently hit the baby. Because he's got to learn to watch where he's running, doesn't he.