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DS (16 months) is very sensitive about other children/adults being in his personal space. The following situation is happening frequently and causing me to feel comfortable around other parents.<br><br>
Another toddler takes the toy DS was playing with. DS emotionally cries enough to stop everyone in their tracks. Toddler's parent will either a) punish toddler, b) ask toddler to apologize by hugging DS, or c) say to me "your son must not play with other kids very much." A & B makes DS even more upset.<br><br>
I'm looking for positive/tactful ways let other parents know I'm not at all upset with them or their children, and that DS would not like to be hugged right now. I'm working on teaching DS to express his emotions in a more socially acceptable way, but obviously it's going to take awhile.
 

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Well, I'd say he's a baby, not a toddler at that age, and not at all equipped to deal with the situation. At that age, during playgroup/playdate, I have to be hover mom, to avoid the situation before it happens.
 

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I'd have to agree with the pp--try and prevent these things as much as possible, with a "hi, x, [insert your dc's name] is playing with that, let's find another toy."<br><br>
But since that's not always possible... We've been on the other end, with ds not understanding (of course) that some kids are more sensitive than others, since he's really okay with other kids in his personal space. If my ds takes a toy, I ask for it back and take it gently from him to give back to the other kid, and give the whole "we can't take toys from other people's hands" spiel. At any rate, if your dc is more sensitive, I would step in with an understanding smile and a "not to worry, we'd be happy to take turns once [insert your dc's name] is done playing with it". some of what motivates other parents to "punish" their kids or make them hug, I think, is embarrassment and wanting to DO something. If you provide another avenue, it makes the whole interaction a lot easier.<br><br>
I think you have a really healthy attitude. I've run into some parents whose toddlers are sensitive kids, and they give the glare of death when their child gets upset. Playground politics are nutty.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>nabigus</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8986155"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'd have to agree with the pp--try and prevent these things as much as possible, with a "hi, x, [insert your dc's name] is playing with that, let's find another toy."<br><br>
But since that's not always possible... We've been on the other end, with ds not understanding (of course) that some kids are more sensitive than others, since he's really okay with other kids in his personal space. If my ds takes a toy, I ask for it back and take it gently from him to give back to the other kid, and give the whole "we can't take toys from other people's hands" spiel. At any rate, if your dc is more sensitive, I would step in with an understanding smile and a "not to worry, we'd be happy to take turns once [insert your dc's name] is done playing with it". some of what motivates other parents to "punish" their kids or make them hug, I think, is embarrassment and wanting to DO something. If you provide another avenue, it makes the whole interaction a lot easier.<br><br>
I think you have a really healthy attitude. I've run into some parents whose toddlers are sensitive kids, and they give the glare of death when their child gets upset. Playground politics are nutty.</div>
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Great advice. My DD did that at that age, just cried unconsolably if someone took a toy from her. It was hard. I felt bad about it, and unsure what to do. At first I waited until after the grab and then comforted DD, then I realized that it's my job to advocate for her so I began to step in and and say (hopefully before the grab and with kindness and understanding) "DD is playing with this, when she's done you can have a turn. Hey check this out (offer other toy)." My big realization during this period was "hey, I wouldn't be cool with it if some adult came up and ripped the book I was reading out of my hands. So why should a toddler be cool with it?"<br><br>
I also told DD that if she was playing with something and someone tried to take it, it was okay to say "No, I'm playing with this." Which she changed to "NO! DAT'S DD'S!!!!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> That has been a litle embarrassing at times. But I feel like it's especcially important for girls to know that it's okay to be assertive about their boundaries. And I think it's made her feel less powerless in certain situations.<br><br>
Now, she's sometimes the one who does the grabbing. If she takes a toy out of another child's hands I will step in (if the other child is unhappy) and explain "X was playing with that. You know that it doesn't feel good when someone takes something from you. How can we work this out?" This happened with a ball during a playdate recently and it morphed in to a really fun game of catch for both girls (it's not always that successful, but at least that time it worked out.)<br><br>
Anyway, like I said, mine did the same exact thing at that age. It's phase, you'll get through it.<br><br>
On the forced hugging thing you could just say "actually DS usually needs a little body space to calm down," or something like that...
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Shaki</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8987476"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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On the forced hugging thing you could just say "actually DS usually needs a little body space to calm down," or something like that...</div>
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Yeah, I'm trying to help ds recognize personal space <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:.
 
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