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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We are expecting a new baby in Feb. and I've been reading books to dd, where some show babies nursing from the breast. She asked about it and I told her what they were doing (getting milk from mommy's breast). We also have some animal books where the baby animals are nursing. When she got curious about me having milk I squeezed some colostrum out of one nipple so she could see it.<br><br>
In addition we are part of an AP playgroup where many of her friends still nurse and she sees them doing it. She's going to be 3 in December. She was bottlefed from birth after some major breastfeeding problems. I pumped for a few months, then she got formula, and self-weaned from bottles at 17 mos.<br><br>
She's been going through a phase where she's acting like a baby sometimes, and I don't mind going along with it. It's helping her work through feelings about the new baby coming. Mostly just crawling around on the floor, fake-crying, telling me "Mommy I'm a baby." I tell her she's my big baby and pat my belly and say there's the little baby and she's fine with that.<br><br>
I have a bottle left over from her infancy that she uses on her stuffed animals. She asked to drink from it the other day so I put some water in it (I will probably exclusively pump again with this baby so don't mind having bottles around for her to play with-- it's a reality in this house). She figured out how to drink it. Then this morning she pulled my shirt up and wanted to nurse on my breasts!<br><br>
I distracted her away from the idea, but her friends still do it so how can I give her a good reason why she can't? It was just kinda awkward. I don't want to give her a negative impression about breastfeeding. I have explained how some mommies take milk out of their breasts and put it in bottles, and other mommies put the baby on the breast and baby gets it from there.<br><br>
How should I handle this next time she wants to nurse??<br><br>
Darshani
 

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I would let her try. But thats just me and I don't think you should do something you aren't comfortable with.<br><br>
But I would let her try, and I would guess that it won't feel exactly "right" to her and she'll drop the issue once she is finished exploring the idea.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I was thinking I probably could-- I have very flat/inverted nipples so she wouldn't be able to get a good latch anyway and would probably give up. We've been teaching about private parts and I just didn't want to confuse her further by allowing her to touch something that I told her was a private part. I had told her that it's okay for babies but not for big people to touch breasts. Sigh. Life is sooo complicated! lol!<br><br>
Darshani
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I had told her that it's okay for babies but not for big people to touch breasts.</td>
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This is exactly why she wants to try. She needs reassurance that she is still your baby!
 

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My ds#1 has asked if he can nurse a couple times recently. His little brother is nursing and I am expecting #3 in January, so he is curious. He was nursed until he weaned at 19 months. He's now 3.5. I let him try, but he has no clue what to do. He puts his lips near my nipple and walks away laughing. I know that he just wants to be reassured that he is my little guy too.<br><br>
She probably will have no clue what to do.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">He puts his lips near my nipple and walks away laughing</td>
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I think this is probably the most common reaction. DD would occasionally ask to nurse after she had weaned (at 50 months) and it would always end up with her laughing it off.<br><br>
Good luck,<br>
Kay
 

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Darshani,<br>
I don't think that there is anything wrong with telling her the truth--that you tried to nurse her, but your breasts don't work quite right. So you had to use a litte machine to get the milk out to put into her bottle. If she asks for you to use the pump to get some milk out for her to drink (that would be my kid's next question!) you could say you don't have enough in there yet, but after you have the baby you will and she can taste it then.<br><br>
After the birth of my second child I went into ovarian failure (became postmenopausal--permanently) and I have explained to my kids that I have a hormone problem that makes it impossible to carry any more babies in my tummy. My oldest is very curious about it, and we have talked a great deal about hormones and how they effect the body--health wise.<br><br>
These are the kinds of things that my mom would have never shared with me as a kid--but I think kids can understand a great deal more than we think. They are a part of our family, and it is good for them to understand that sometimes certain things can happen to our bodies that we don't expect, but then we look for other solutions to work the problems out. For you it was pumping breastmilk for your daughter, for me I need to take meds everyday for my hormone problem...and we also adopted Emma.<br><br>
Hugs,<br>
Lisa <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks so much for your thoughtful and sensitive remarks. If she asks again I'll let her do it. No harm will come of it.<br><br>
You are right, she probably just wants reassurance that she's still my baby. She's just recently potty trained and moved to her own bed, and I tell her what a big girl she is now and how I'm proud of her. But I know that she has mixed feelings about growing up, so that's where the baby thing comes in. She is the one who told me one day, "Mommy I'm a big baby." Then patted my belly and said, "That's Mommy's little baby." We've been using those terms with her ever since.<br><br>
Lisa, I'm glad you were blessed to adopt! :) If we have a third we'll be adopting from India. Dh and I felt strongly about this even before we had children, that if we couldn't have any bio kids, or if we had more than 2 we would build our family through adoption and bless a child who is already born and needs a loving family. Kids sure do understand more than we give them credit for!<br><br>
One of my friends also went through early menopause and adopted her 3 kids. When she told her oldest she didn't have any eggs left to make babies, he led her to the fridge and said, "Here's some eggs Mommy!" lol!<br><br>
Darshani
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
DD wanted to nurse again yesterday afternoon. I lifted my shirt and she looked at my breasts and said, "Want to see milk." So I squeezed a few drops out for her. She shyly took her finger and wiped some on it and tasted it. Said, "Mmmm" and "want some more." So I squeezed and she tasted with finger 4 times. Asked her what it tasted like and she said "tastes like candy." Then she said, "Finished now." and it hasn't come up since. So maybe that satisfied her. Thanks for helping me not get my panties all in a twist about this. lol! It was no big deal really.<br><br>
Darshani
 

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Maybe you should let her try. Most likely she won't know how and will be happy that you just let her try. I think she just wants to know that she has the option.<br>
On another note maybe she will be successful in drawing out your nipples if she does decide to nurse.<br><br>
Of course you need to decide if its something you don't want to do then you don't have to.
 

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I'll just de-lurk now to say good for you, USAmma! It's natural for older children to be curious about these things, and when we don't explain them, I think they either get more insistent or get scared. I'm sure your dd is reassured that you were willing to let her try what she has seen other children doing with their mamas.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="clap">
 

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de-lurking to say that I followed your link for the new baby,a nd those 3-d pictures are GREAT!!!! wow!!<br><br>
congratulations!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Good for you! May I ask why you aren't going to try and nurse your new baby? I am not trying to be invasive I have just overcome a lot of nursing problems and would love to be of help if I could. It would be wonderful if you could nurse your baby, it's such a special experience! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Ds#1 just asked to try my milk last night. I was talking to my dh while nursing ds#2 (he's down to one nursing a day, basically to keep him in practice in case I decide to tandem nurse) and I told him that I think my colostrum is in. I tried to squeeze some out to show him and ds#1 (who hasn't nursed in 2 years or asked to nurse in 18 months or so) asked "Can I try some mama?" I said sure. He put his lips to my nipple, pretended to suck for about 3 seconds, and said "I'm done".<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">May I ask why you aren't going to try and nurse your new baby? I am not trying to be invasive I have just overcome a lot of nursing problems and would love to be of help if I could. It would be wonderful if you could nurse your baby, it's such a special experience!</td>
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<br>
Long, long story. The short of it is that I have very flat nipples that invert when latched on, powerful OALT, and the most severe case of OSS that the third LC I saw said she'd ever seen. Most people's correct after pumping, mine never did. One of those rare cases of very strong ligaments holding the nipples in. Only a pump is strong enough to pull them out, not a newborn. I tried 3 LC's, worked with LLL, one of my close friends is a Leader, tried all kinds of devices (don't even have enough nipples to fit into a nipple shield-- nipple just collapses inward at the slightest pressure from the areola), never gave up trying to bf for four months. Just didn't happen.<br><br>
I will have the same physical problems this time and it was so emotionally trying for me that I don't want to do it again. It will be an uphill battle. I have no desire at all to even try. I'm good at pumping, have lots of milk, and am compfortable with the idea of pumping full-time. So why not?<br><br>
I'm on a list of moms who exclusively pump and there are a few women that have all three problems like I do, and all of them tried to seek help and ended up pumping full time. One woman is preparing to pump full time for her fourth. Tried to bf the first two and it didn't work. I just think that there are tough cases out there and I'm one of them. But that's fine, I accept this with the blessing of two healthy daughters.<br><br>
And BTW I have found it fulfilling to coach a few of my new mom friends through their own breastfeeding problems, including someone in India with twins. I coached her via email and her twins are now 9 mos. old and still nursed full time. :) I know how to problem solve, but in my case the physical problems, as well as the emotional scars, are hard to get past.<br><br>
Darshani
 

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Darshani -- your decision to pump full-time for your baby wins my absolute and complete admiration!! I've never worked even 1/2 as hard as you have to provide your babies with breastmilk (and even I have had my share of obstacles.) You are awesome!<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Darshani -- your decision to pump full-time for your baby wins my absolute and complete admiration!! I've never worked even 1/2 as hard as you have to provide your babies with breastmilk (and even I have had my share of obstacles.) You are awesome!</td>
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I just wanted to say that really made my day. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> Thanks!<br><br>
I've had people tell me I just didn't try hard enough, and lacked confidence, and that made me actually cry a couple times. I'm in the process of finding a LLL group in my area that will support me with pumping full time. The two groups I went to last time practically made the sign of the cross when I brought out my bottles of breastmilk. Oh well.<br><br>
Darshani
 

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You sound like a very Awesome Mommy !!! Your DD is very lucky to have you just as your new baby will be. I didn't ever actually have any BF difficulties but DS and I both had a lot of medical difficulties requiring us both to have surgeries a few times while we have been BF. I think these difficulties have just made us stronger and me more determined to do what ever I had to to BF.<br>
I wish you the very best of luck when it comes to you BF your new baby. I think you did very good by letting her taste of your milk. They may be all she needed. Just to know that she can if she wants to. MAy have made her feel better
 

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darshani,<br>
you are awesome.<br>
i'm so sorry i've been out of touch - a bit busy with the new little guy you helped bring into the world (he's great btw, 10wks now, just shy of 14lbs. nursing like a champ and sleeping too! whoohoo!.)<br><br>
anyway. chelsey was 10 when i was pregnant with zoey and wanted to taste my milk. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!">: i told her calmly that when i had the baby and my milk came in i'd express some for her. she liked it. told me it tasted 'like chicken' LOLOL<br><br>
zoey has not asked one single time (age 3) to taste it. she said matter of factly "babies drink from mommys boobies, i am big and i drink from a cup.". She also sees her toddler friends nurse on occasion and i thought that might confuse her but she's had no issue with it and seems to stand by her plan that she'll teach Romy to drink from a sippy cup or a straw soon as he's big enough. lol<br><br>
i think what you're doing is just fine. let her taste on her finger if you're comfortable. maybe even sips from a bottle when baby arrives if she wants. She'll be reassured that she's still yer baby and that you love her and then she'll forget all about it and move on.<br><br>
sometimes Zoey "helps" me nurse Roman by squeezing my breast. lol. She has asked me to pump milk into a bottle so she can feed him, but unlike you i stink at pumping and really dislike doing it.<br><br>
maybe Abi can give the new baby mama milkies from the bottle sometimes?<br><br>
email me sometimes - would love to catch up and hear bout your pregnancy.
 
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