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<p>So I told my dad via e-mail last night (If I thought he'd appreciate a call, I would have called but he's always told me he prefers e-mail because he doesn't like talking on the phone).</p>
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<p>I found out two months ago (9 1/2 weeks ago to be exact) that my brother is expecting a child through his girlfriends facebook page. This was when we were testing and waiting for a positve result so it REALLY upset me to find out that way.<span><img alt="mecry.gif" height="15" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/mecry.gif" width="40"></span>  We had been planning this one for a year thinking that maybe this baby wouldn't always be compared to his child since we didn't figure they'd have another so soon after getting back together.   Anyway, I'm ashamed to admit that I reacted like many of the people everyone complains about on here but it was the exact timing and insensitivity of the announcement.  At least I got a phone call last time!</p>
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<p>Anyway, I announced our new one as my dad's 5th grandchild (which will be true if you count my brother's unborn child).  He responded "Congrats! I'm assuming either you are having twins because if you are having one it would be my fourth grand child".  My brother hasn't told my father yet <span><img alt="jaw.gif" height="68" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/jaw.gif" width="15"></span> She is at least 21-22 weeks by now, and as I said, she announced it on facebook book 9 1/2 weeks ago (and the ultrasound pic said 12 weeks 3 days). We are no longer facebook friends so I really don't know anything else but I think my mom would have told me if something happened.  Truthfully, the girlfriend told my mom.  I found on facebook.  I'm thinking that he is just embarrassed. I honestly think she planned it and my brother is embarrassed that not only did it happen a second time but she is telling everyone the same thing she told them last time (and probably about the one in the middle that would have had a different father had she not miscarried)  "I missed a pill". </p>
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<p>So anyway, I didn't come right out and tell him someone else's news but did imply the situation when I responded.  I feel kind of bad but I thought for sure that he would have said something. I've seen my dad since I found out and kept my mouth shut....but I still figured being over half way there, they'd say something!</p>
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<p>Anyway, I hope no one reads this wrong. I'm not totally judgemental. I know people have unplanned pregnancies out of wedlock all the time.   It was just the way this whole situation has unfolded and it makes me uncomfortable and upset.</p>
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<p>(Not to mention that with my youngest, my mother constantly compares her to my nephew who is the same age. Mostly it's things like "Cool, you guys are actually doing something to get rid of the clogged tear duct instead of waiting for surgery like they are." or "Oh, she's way ahead of [newphew]" but it's still annoying to hear her being compared :(  And I would assume we are setting ourselves up for the same thing this time).</p>
 

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<p>It's so hard when there isnt open communication in families.  You never know what you are supposed to say to who when.  My inlaws are like that.  It's this super complicated dance of letting everyone share their information when is right for them.. but then there are members who have reactions to information that has been shared with them that they should get to express too.. and all in all, it's a cluster.  Sounds like it was an honest mistake.  Sounds like you arent super close to your brother, so hopefully it wont cause to much drama.  I kinda feel like once you put info out on facebook you cant really expect it to be kept a secret unless specifically asked.</p>
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<p>Well, it's funny. He used to call me about twice a week or so (and talk for at least an hour)  before he found out he was having another little one.; I had no idea why he stopped calling and three months later, the announcement was made. I thought we were getting closer but when this happened, it seems that he shut everyone out.  Even my mom whom he and his girlfriend were living with at the time was shut out from him but the girlfriend still talked to her.  He lived in the same town as my dad while he was living with my mom and stopped visiting. My dad was telling us last time we were there that he'd asked my brother to come over so he could do some things that no one should have to do without someone around (like clean the chimney) and he refused so when we were in town, he did that stuff while were there.  </p>
 

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<p>weird?! </p>
<p>well it's not your fault you said anything. they announced it on facebook already! sheesh!</p>
 

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<p>I feel sorry for your dad  :(</p>
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<p>Not because of anything you did. Of course, it is only natural to assume your brother told your dad.</p>
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<p>Interestingly enough, I just found out my dh hasn't told his parents yet...after I'd announced it on fb. His brother's wife and his sister are both my friends on fb so I had to call both of them really quickly to keep their mouths shut because si think it should be his responsibility to tell them not for them to have it slip at dinner.</p>
 

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<p>I wouldn't worry about it. It's your brothers fault for not saying anything. And they posted it on facebook. And try to stop worrying about your family comparing the grandkids. I recommend learning to let dumb comments roll off your back. I learned that a long while ago. It just makes life a whole lot easier when you stop caring what people think - including family.</p>
 

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<p>I can totally see how each part of this put you off.  It sucks that you are sort of in the middle since you have the information.  I agree with some PP's that once it's on facebook...they obviously intend to be public about the news.  If your Dad feels hurt that he wasn't told directly, then he feels hurt by your brother, not you.  So it's for them to work out if they so choose, as uncomfortable as it is for everybody in the meantime.  But I can't imagine holding <em>you</em> responsible for ruining the surprise or leaking or anything.  This just isn't a typical situation and I guess everybody's (your dad, you, your brother) reacting and responding the best they know how given the odd circumstance.  Hope it all irons out.  I thought I was holding out for a ridiculous amount of time trying to wait til Christmas (17 wks, just wanted the announcement to be one they'd never forget on Christmas morning) but 20-22 weeks to wait to tell the grandfather does seem like they're keeping it from him on purpose whether it's embarrassment as you suspect or not.  I mean by that time you usually know the gender and you're painting the nursery! </p>
 
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