Honestly, with a friend that has opinions that different on such a strong topic, I would probably limit contact.
Congrats on your new baby.
Congrats on your new baby.
told to nurse in a bathroom!
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Hi mamas,
How do you handle a very close friend who is disgusted by nursing? (especially when you consider yourself somewhat of a "lactavist" I'm even working on becoming a La Leche leader in my town) I'm actually having a converstation via Instant message now and she was saying how it disgusting when woman nurse in public and they should have be respectful of others and at least go in a bathroom. I said, well if a mom ever said that to me I'd tell her to go eat HER food in the bathroom or feed HER baby her bottle in a bathroom... Anyway, I don't nurse around her anymore which makes it VERY difficult with a newborn who nurses every hour (will be there in 3 months when this one is born...). I am very proud that I am a nursing mother! I am proud that I nurse my 2 year old and will be tandem nursing in a few months. She gives her children formula and I would never tell her my opinions on that because every mother is entitled to do what they feel is best for their children (plus, it wouldn't matter anyway because she thinks breastfeeding is gross). I've said that it's THE most natural thing in the world and I was hoping to get some nursing pics of my and Savannah since I don't have any of my nursing my other kids and she said that was gross and asked why on earth I would want that! And asked if I would take pictures of sex? I was shocked and wrote that breastfeeding has NOTHING to do with sex. How could someone think that???
OK, I guess I'm not actually asking a question but more having a little rant. It's hard when you have such a close friend who is so against my way of life. If I even talk about nursing my almost 2 year old she has to leave the room
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And I wouldn't dear nurse Sam in front of her now, even when he asks
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When he was a newborn I never thought twice of nursing him in front of anyone- she asked if I wouldn't nurse in front of her kids because she didn't want to have "that converstation" with them yet. In MY own house!!!! I'm a very strong person and VERY proud that I am a breastfeeding mom. I had a hard start with my twins and have overcome breastfeeding problems to exclusevely nurse my last until he was about a year (and I'm still nursing him). I nurse in public a lot almost to make a public statement
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(especially at mainstream playgroups....) I guess it just bothers me that a close friend is so against something I think is so beautiful.....
Ok, rant over- thanks for listening
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I'm going to go and call my hubby at work and tell him my rant because I love hearing his support of breastfeeding. He's my biggest supporter and although writing this helped a little (you know how it sometimes helps to write stuff down???) maybe I'll feel better when I hear him tell me how beautiful it is
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Thank goodness I have such a great breastfeeding community of friends where I live because they'll be hearing about this at our next LL meeting
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How do you handle a very close friend who is disgusted by nursing? (especially when you consider yourself somewhat of a "lactavist" I'm even working on becoming a La Leche leader in my town) I'm actually having a converstation via Instant message now and she was saying how it disgusting when woman nurse in public and they should have be respectful of others and at least go in a bathroom. I said, well if a mom ever said that to me I'd tell her to go eat HER food in the bathroom or feed HER baby her bottle in a bathroom... Anyway, I don't nurse around her anymore which makes it VERY difficult with a newborn who nurses every hour (will be there in 3 months when this one is born...). I am very proud that I am a nursing mother! I am proud that I nurse my 2 year old and will be tandem nursing in a few months. She gives her children formula and I would never tell her my opinions on that because every mother is entitled to do what they feel is best for their children (plus, it wouldn't matter anyway because she thinks breastfeeding is gross). I've said that it's THE most natural thing in the world and I was hoping to get some nursing pics of my and Savannah since I don't have any of my nursing my other kids and she said that was gross and asked why on earth I would want that! And asked if I would take pictures of sex? I was shocked and wrote that breastfeeding has NOTHING to do with sex. How could someone think that???
OK, I guess I'm not actually asking a question but more having a little rant. It's hard when you have such a close friend who is so against my way of life. If I even talk about nursing my almost 2 year old she has to leave the room
Ok, rant over- thanks for listening
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Sorry, but ITA that you need to rethink your definition of a close friend. I'm really lucky that all of my friends nurse their babes and I have never been confronted for NIP. I have actually had a few ppl come to tell me how great it is that I was nursing my son. My point is, if total strangers can support me then don't you think that your close friend she at least not bash you? Kudos to your DH btw
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That's fantastic!
She has issues. Serious issues.
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Quote:
I totally agree. To accommodate someone else's perception that you should behave as thought breastfeeding is a shameful activity is just icky.
Furthermore, somebody should have "that conversation" with her children so that they have some exposure to breastfeeding as normal, healthy, etc. If she won't do it, why not you?
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If they see you nurse and have questions, it's a lovely opportunity for you to answer simply that mamas make milk for their babies, and this is how babies eat.
Originally Posted by sbf I would breastfeed in front of her and I would breastfeed in front of her children, without apology. I would make it clear that to do otherwise would be completely unreasonable. |
I totally agree. To accommodate someone else's perception that you should behave as thought breastfeeding is a shameful activity is just icky.
Furthermore, somebody should have "that conversation" with her children so that they have some exposure to breastfeeding as normal, healthy, etc. If she won't do it, why not you?
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Hi All,
Thanks for your responses. This is such a tough one and still bothering me in the morning.... I didn't sleep well all night because of it
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I didn't say in my post that in my own house I didn't leave the room (it's MY house!) but I told her if she's uncomfortable she could have her children go in another room. From then on she told them to leave the room. I don't know if her children asked what my daughter was doing with her baby dolls whenever she put them to her chest to feed them
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Anyway, this is a friend I knew before kids but now our kids are best of friends
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She is a great friend when it comes to being there for us during medical problems, etc. My kids adore her and her kids. But our parenting styles are completely different! Other than the nursing issue (she has serious issues with that but it could ahve to do with childhood abuse? Who knows... she definitly has some issues). She jokes that I'm a hippie (which I don't mind) but she's so NOT...
Thank you all again for your responses. I think I'll have to talk to her. My husband just said I have to think of it as "cultural" differences- she's mainstream and I'm AP. He asked if I would stop being friends with her because she was a different religion, etc- (which of course, I wouldn't)and that's how I have to think of it. However, he said that I need to bring it up that it bothers me so maybe I will... Oh dear, just still bothers me...
I just don't get how someone could feel that way... Thanks everyone
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Thanks for your responses. This is such a tough one and still bothering me in the morning.... I didn't sleep well all night because of it
I didn't say in my post that in my own house I didn't leave the room (it's MY house!) but I told her if she's uncomfortable she could have her children go in another room. From then on she told them to leave the room. I don't know if her children asked what my daughter was doing with her baby dolls whenever she put them to her chest to feed them
Anyway, this is a friend I knew before kids but now our kids are best of friends
Thank you all again for your responses. I think I'll have to talk to her. My husband just said I have to think of it as "cultural" differences- she's mainstream and I'm AP. He asked if I would stop being friends with her because she was a different religion, etc- (which of course, I wouldn't)and that's how I have to think of it. However, he said that I need to bring it up that it bothers me so maybe I will... Oh dear, just still bothers me...
I just don't get how someone could feel that way... Thanks everyone
I have to agree with the others. A true friend would not be going out of her way to express disgust, would not go out of her way to remove her children from the room when you're nursing, etc. At the very least a real friend would remain silent and would allow her children to see that there are other ways to feed a baby than what she did.
Let's take this religion analogy another way. She is telling you in no uncertain terms that you are going to her religion's hell equivalent everytime you see her, everytime you feed your baby, and she's telling this to your children and hers everytime she makes them all leave the room when you feed the baby. Is this how a true friend acts? Really?
Of course you wouldn't do the same to her. Why would you continue to allow her to do this to you and your children?
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Let's take this religion analogy another way. She is telling you in no uncertain terms that you are going to her religion's hell equivalent everytime you see her, everytime you feed your baby, and she's telling this to your children and hers everytime she makes them all leave the room when you feed the baby. Is this how a true friend acts? Really?
Of course you wouldn't do the same to her. Why would you continue to allow her to do this to you and your children?
2
Oh, she's only said anything about nursing twice, not everytime I see her
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(and I've been nursing children for five years...) She's only mentioned it one other time other than last nights converstation- but it just really upset me. Anyway, I'm very glad all my other friends are not only supportive but most breastfeed
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I've been thinking a lot about NIP again. We're expecting a little girl in July, so I'll be dealing with NIP then. Ds is almost 3 and still nurses, but we haven't needed to NIP in quite a while.
It's so easy to feel alone when it comes to breastfeeding. Even with a community like MDC and La Leche League, I remember feeling outnumbered! So many bottles, so few raised shirts!
I hope that you and your friend find your way back to common ground, and that the hurt she has inflicted heals.
Have you thought about getting her (or lending her) a good book about breastfeeding? You could gently tell her that this is something that is really bothering you and that you feel hurt when she expresses disgust. You could humbly ask that she try to educate herself a bit before blindly passing judgement. If she truly *is* your friend, just reading a book shouldn't be a problem (like 'That's what they're for', or 'the Womanly art of breastfeeding'.
Good luck, Mama!
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s
Good luck, Mama!
I feel your pain. My in-laws are the same way....I had to hide in another room while they were here. The whole time I was nursing I was
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: that I was banished in my own home. Then it occured to me that this thing that I love to do and that makes me feel so close to my son was being hindered by the "PC" thing to do. My attention was no longer on him, but on my growing resentment for my in-laws (who are really great people).
My #1 is my son, so by the end of the weekend I was bf in resturants right at the booth.....it just became a fact of life, and there was no more said about it.
If your parenting style is such that you nurse your son without being ashamed, why change that now? and if you do, what message does that send him? Who are you responsible for raising?
You should let your friend know that the sooner she has those talks with her kids the better....less hard questions will be asked...and the body will not be looked at as only for sex.
good luck!!!!
My #1 is my son, so by the end of the weekend I was bf in resturants right at the booth.....it just became a fact of life, and there was no more said about it.
If your parenting style is such that you nurse your son without being ashamed, why change that now? and if you do, what message does that send him? Who are you responsible for raising?
You should let your friend know that the sooner she has those talks with her kids the better....less hard questions will be asked...and the body will not be looked at as only for sex.
good luck!!!!
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