[lotusbloom]

<br>
My high need attachment parented son is 22 months old and still breastfeeding, I have no problem with this. The problem is the level of breastfeeding and when. For the most part he no longer breastfeeds during the day, I do sometimes say no boobies until naptime because I feel that things are a bit out of control. We can be playing and having a ball and then it's "boobs" (I could never get him to say cutesie words like nummies, one day I said boobs and it stuck). He is still nursed to sleep for nap and at bedtime and he will usually nurse at least once during the night, closer to early morning. Lately though he has regressed and is waking from his nap if I don't lay beside him; if I do lay beside him to nap myself I am awakened by his attempts to locate "boobs" and begin nursing again. I am also being awakened early in the morning the same way and having a terrible time getting back to sleep and by time I do well, he's waking up for the morning. Case in point, 10:28pm and I had to stop typing this post because he just woke up. he has NO self soothing skills at all when it comes to sleeping. I have tried to do everything the natural way, the gut instinct way from his well researched and prepared for unassisted home birth to co-sleeping from day one until now, organic food, plenty of outside time, book time, extremely limited tv time, teaching him spanish and sign language and yet no matter how much I give he demands more. I'm not trying to wean him yet for I was really hoping to let him self wean but I'm feeling tired, exhausted and drained. I have no support. I've been able to be a stay at home mom up until now but my husband has moved out for we are divorcing and even when he was here he was no help and my family thinks I should have weaned him over a year ago or for that matter not breastfed at all. I gracefully allow him to nurse upon waking in the morning when we aren't waking before dawn because his constant nursing has fully awakened me and I'm refusing to allow him to do it anymore and would rather stay awake then lie there held captive which is what it feels like. I nurse him down for a nap and of course at bedtime and sometimes once during the day because he asks though he gets juice, water and table food. Any suggestions PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I must go now because he's standing here next to the desk asking me to finish as I was desperate to get this posted immediately for today has been one of the worst; he went to bed around 8p last night, woke at 6am due to my frustration at not being able to sleep because of his constant nursing, he napped for about an hour and woke up crying for about 20 minutes because I wasn't nursing him and refused to lay down for the third time, went to bed at 7:45p and up again because I wasn't in there nursing and apparently he dreamt of lawn mowers which he is afraid of. Who has the magic cure? Come on, I know one of you has to!!!!!?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:

 

[rbriansgirl]

You said that you were getting a divorce. It could be that he is seeking extra comfort and security during this rocky time. Even if he doesn't quite know exactly what is going on, little ones pick up on a lot more than we realize. I always notice my toddlers are most upset and clingy when "Mom" isn't happy, or is stressed or upset. I know this sounds to be extremely difficult for you to be dealing with this, sorry I can't offer any magic cures. I hope you can work through this. Many, many <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">

 

[mommadoc]

You have a lot on your plate right now. Maybe your son's needs are increasing because of his response to your marriage? Tough situation to resolve if there is not any chance of keeping your relationship together. I recently went through a rough spot in my own marriage and looking back on it, my own son did similar things. We are slowly getting things back on track and ds seems to be falling back into a better pattern. The "no cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley might be some way to help the self soothing problem. I think that your AP relationship with your son will help him through this tough time, but you should think about what you need to do during the day to fill your own love tank so that you feel refreshed enough to continue caring for your son in the way that you have chosen. Journaling, excercise, a good friend and a cup of tea/coffee... there are lots of things to try. Quiet time for self reflection and prayer are always helpful. Try to focus on the positive things in your environment and the present day tasks, rather than the unknown and the negative.<br><br>
You can do this. Remember how strong you were when you gave birth to your son. Hold that strength and find something that fills you up with constructive peace and love.<br><br>
You have my thoughts and prayers and love.<br>
sally

 

[JustVanessa]

I was ready to wean my ds before I got seperated from my ex and I managed to hold on for a few more months. I felt it was important to not take away his comfort during that transition. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> mama I know its tough. Have you cross posted this to Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy?

 

[lotusbloom]

<span style="font-family:'Book Antiqua';"><span><span style="font-size:medium;"><b>Thank you for your responses. It is the lack of quiet time and time for reflection. If I sit down anywhere aside from at the computer desk which is typically to look up something mommy-baby related, then he thinks that it is book time even if we just had a 30 minute session. When I come in here for no more than 20 minutes tops, he comes too sometimes to play around me but all too often to play right at this tiny desk. I love love love him but I feel that there is not even a hint of balance. I find myself doing dishes just for the working meditation but of course that is not physical rest and I'm lacking that as well. I suppose I posted here more for support than anything else because I suppose when parenting a high need as well as really smart kid (he's hit every milestone months ahead, knows hundreds of words, dozens of signs and some spanish as well) there really is no such thing as time for self, etc..). Okay have to go know as he's squeezing in between my legs saying "pick up". REALLY any more advice or survivor words of wisdom are much appreciated. Thank you all for your posts! Oh what mommy would give for just three daylight hours to herself just once a week even.!!:</b></span></span></span>bfs

 

[lillbeetle]

My son was exactly the same!<br>
He is three now and hasn't nursed until he was about 27 months or so. He loved to nurse, called them boobahs. He still calls them boobahs and grabs them once in a while - he's just a boob man!. Anyway, he would nurse to go to sleep, nurse in the middle of the night, was a terrible sleeper. He didn't let me put him down to sleep until he was 9 months old. It got to the point where my boobs seriously hurt and I also felt trapped in bed as a human pacifier.<br>
We did attachment parenting and I'm so glad we did, but I wanted my body back and I wanted my boobs to not hurt.<br>
I just stopped nursing him. It took a while for him to get used to it but he did, and with no emotional damage whatsoever.<br>
For naptime, we just sang lullabyes in bed or rocked in the rocking chair and watched a movie - he would fall asleep within about 20 minutes. At bed time we would just go to bed and read a book and lay down untill he was asleep. For a few months he would dig at my shirt, try to get in to the boobahs, but after a while he got the hint. I just kept telling him no, he got it.<br>
My son and I are very close, stopping nursing didn't change that. Stopping nursing on my terms was not detrimental to him. Your son will be fine if you don't want to nurse him anymore.<br>
I just stopped and told him no.<br>
We also had to make him learn to self sooth and go to sleep by himself. I could never let him "cry it out" when he was younger, but when he turned 3 it was time. I wanted more time with my DH, wanted to feel like wife and adult instead of just Mommy for a few hours a day. One day we decided that he needed to have the self soothing skills, which I think are important. We put him to bed with a clean body, full belly, and a book. He cried and cried and so did I. It was one of the hardest things I've encountered in parenting. The first night he cried for about 30 minutes, every second for me was horrible. The next night he cried less, the next night less, it only took about 4 nights for him to gain the skill of putting himself to sleep. Now I doubt he remembers those 4 nights. He is a big boy, we are all proud and happy.<br>
Bottom Line is - Our son is a very secure, happy little boy. Attachment parenting was wonderful and we have the wonderful closeness and that will never go away. Quit nursing if you need to, make him go to bed by himself if you need to. It really sucks for the first few days, but after that everyone is much happier. Don't worry about losing anything accomplished during AP, we didn't.<br>
It's not a magic cure, but it worked for us. GOOD LUCK!!

 

[augustacherri]

Ditto to previous post.<br><br>
Though I can't say from too much experience because, though a naturalist, I am not really all that AP from a more traditionalist standpoint.<br><br>
I did the same thing with my son and he did not seem bothered by it at all. It was difficult to deal with crying at first, but within about four days he was happy, I was happy and everyone was getting much more rest. More rest=happier family, IMHO. Now he is nearly 3 and even if I put him down for a nap and he doesn't go right to sleep, he quietly talks to himself or whatever until he falls asleep. He's very good at self-soothing and I am thankful, but I think that it did help that that boundary was set early on.