Tools to help 27mo self-soothe

He's still a baby What you're expecting of him will come, in time, on his own. IMO, the first thing you can do to help this occur is to allow him the opportunity to have his mommy while he needs you, without any arbitrary goals/deadlines/expectations of his grown-uppiness (love this word, btw ). The tools you can provide him with might be the reassurance of your continued presence, the comfort you provide him, the security of the breastfeeding relationship.

IME, what he's doing is totally normal, natural and developmentally necessary for his age. It's not all that convenient, and it can be frustrating for sure, but it's not something that we're supposed to be 'fixing.' Because nothing is broken. He's going to get there, I promise I see that you're a single parent---it's so important to remember to make time, however you have to, to carve out some personal time to recharge yourself so you can continue to give your best Meeting your needs is important so you don't get burned out and start thinking it's time to wean or something extreme like that

The following passage is from Peggy O'Mara's book Natural Family Living, and she sums up perfectly (and much better than I could ever do) the way I feel about nighttime parenting:

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Weaning and stopping co-sleeping are absolutely not the answers, btw! Weaning doesn't make his intense need for you any less...and then, you'd have lost the one sure way you have of calming and connecting with him. Taking away your presence so he doesn't expect it won't help either...it would only exacerbate or create issues. IMO, reframing parental expecations can really be the most helpful, sure-fire way to ease conflicts.

Hang in there, mama

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This is a beautiful, thoughtful, helpful post and as a parent who wants the best for her child, I apprecicate it. But...I need sleep!!!!! I've waited 21 months, she's waited 27...how long and how far must we go to meet our children's needs? Yes, I understand that in an ideal world I would carve out time for myself, but how do I do that w/ no family nearby? No babysitter as of yet? I'm unable to sleep during the day but that makes sense--people are supposed to sleep at night! Anyway, I don't need a pedicure or a nap, I need 4-6 hrs of uninterrupted sleep nightly. Not the 8-10 I used to get--just 4-6 so DH and I don't feel postal. Am I so crazy for thinking this???? Has everyone else here nursed every 2 hrs for over 2 years around the clock? How are you keeping sane?

I second the No Cry Sleep Solution. She has something she calls the Pantley Pull Off, which is basically where you nurse him and wait until his swallowing starts to slow, and then you break the seal with your finger and pull the nipple out of his mouth before he's completely asleep--that's the key--don't let him get all the way to sleep. If he cries, give him the nipple again, count to 20 (or however long you think is best), and then try it again. Repeat as many times as necessary until he drifts off to sleep without the nipple in his mouth. It could take quite a few tries.

This didn't work at all for us when my DD was an infant (I think the sucking need is too great for this to work for most infants), but I think it would definitely work with a toddler. It's worth a try at least! Good luck!

ETA: Another thing she suggests is that the way a child falls asleep is the way he will expect to get back to sleep upon waking the next time. So, once the Pantley Pull Off starts to work, I'd try making new associations for him when you head to bed. At bedtime, maybe nurse him in the living room, lights on, lots of noise. Don't let him fall all the way to sleep. Then head to bed with lots of books (have DH help out with this), lights off, tell stories and sing songs in the dark, etc. Just this step helped a lot with cutting down my DD's nightwaking. Again, I don't think this is appropriate for infants, but I think it can work for a toddler. And it probably won't work until the Pantley Pull Off starts to work (where he starts to disassociate being latched on with falling all the way to sleep).

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yep... actually up until my DD was 2 I think she nursed every hour, LOL! I have learned tos leep through the nursings at night for the most part

I know my post will be very unpopular and frowned upon by many mamas here, but I hear your pain - and I didn't even night-nurse for as long as you did. I night-weaned ds when he was 15 months. Dh and I agreed that I wasn't getting enough rest and needed to sleep more at night. Before the night-weaning, dh slept in another room while I co-slept with ds, waking up every 2 hours or so on average to nurse him back to sleep and change his diaper.

When dh and I made the decision, we decided to wean ds cold turkey. Dh co-slept with ds and I slept in a different room. Dh kept a sippy cup of water in the room in case ds got thirsty. We made sure ds ate a lot during the day so he wouldn't feel hungry at night. I think it took a couple of nights...about 2...before ds slept for 5 hours straight. After that his sleep got longer and longer at night. He is 20 months now and sleeps approximately 10 hours at night, waking 2 times on average, due to wet diaper. Sometimes he sleeps for only 9 hours. Sometimes he wakes up 5 times. But usually it's 10 hours of sleep, with 2 wakings.

After one month of ds co-sleeping with dh, we switched back to the original arrangement of me co-sleeping with ds while dh slept in another room. We waited one month to ensure that ds got used to sleeping without nursing. Lo and behold, when I went back to sleeping with him he did not ask to nurse at night, and I did not offer. We had successfully night-weaned him.

I know many moms here will think that I was mean and probably stunted his emotional development to some degree, but there were some nights where I got so little sleep that I was delusional from fatigue. For instance I once literally mistook a pillow lying next to me on the bed for ds and I kept poking it, wondering, "Why isn't he moving? Is he dead???" So, I guess the question is, was it better for me to continue night-nursing or was it better for me to be clear-headed in order to keep ds safe and raise him properly during the day? So, judge me if you will, but I feel like I made the best decision for my family and our unique circumstances.

Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

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I 2nd this...I would just give it a little longer. NCSS for toddlers has lots of good advice as well though. It's definitely a good tool - info on napping issues as well as nighttime sleep.

I understand the bedtime dash to put the baby back to sleep. We've been doing that shuffle for a long time. Bonus for me, I have a partner who can rock Ds back to sleep. After months of this, Ds will, on a good night, sleep one hour, wake, two hours, wake. Most nights its 30-60 min between wakeups until we go to bed too.

What happens if you don't offer the breast immediately? Would Dc fall asleep bouncing, walking, rocking, cuddling? At 27mo I think you could also talk about nursing to a count of 10, or nursing during one song.

I think introducing a lovey (animal, blanket, etc) would be a good start. Since Dc has a strong suck for comfort reflex still how about a bottle of warm water? A dummy/pacifier? If these are things that would buy you time, or encourage Dc to sleep longer since the breast isn't being offered upon waking, maybe.

The NCSS for toddlers is a good reccomendation that I'll fourth. One suggestion I've read about is only nursing in X location that is NOT bed. So if Dc wants to nurse then s/he has to get out of bed and come nurse in a special chair or sofa. The idea being that its undesirable for them so they'll accept other methods of comforting and maybe start sleeping through instead.

Thank you all for your input so far.

I've been hesitant to get NCSS for toddlers because the Pantly Pull Off when we've tried it only escates into hysterical clawing at the breast. It's been a while since I've tried it, though, so I might give it another go.

Nursing someplace specific besides the bed is something we're working toward. We've got it down to two chairs and the bed, and no nursing while watching TV. The final step is going to be hardest on me, having to get up in the night to nurse when I'm so used to sleeping through it. k will like it, though, he prefers the chair to the bed and will sometimes even roust me out of a sound sleep insisting on the chair.

As for dummies and bottles, I can't see him having much interest. I've offered him each at different times and he's just confused. It would be nice, though.

We've come to an understanding that sometimes he may have the breast but only for a limited time, like count to ten, which has helped our relationship during the day, but hasn't done much for night time when neither of us is fully conscious enough for that kind of higher reasoning.

And finally I should clarify that the breast is the ONLY way he knows to go to sleep. Not the car, not rocking, not tummy or back rubbing, not reading a book, not with a bottle or dummy. I did try all those things but he's truly a boob man.

I'll give the Pull Off another try, work more toward nursing in the chair during the night, and try to build some non-boob sleep associations. maybe not all at once...

Again, thanks for your thoughts so far. Everyone of you has helped me.

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I am going to look into this. I have a previously boob-dependent boy (now 3.5) who has been having more trouble falling asleep lately. At first, we thought he was finally learning to go to sleep by himself; then we realised he no longer knew how to go to sleep!

To the op, I totally feel your pain, and was in your shoes for a long time. I waited it out, from inertia as much as any parenting ideals. Ds still nurses once in the night most nights, but he typically doesn't wake up before I'm back in bed. The days when I had to go to him every hour or so are now a convenient blur.