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<p>Kids can play at your house only.  That would be my first rule.</p>
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<p>As far as social events, I wouldn't avoid them altogether because of his very rude comment, but I wouldn't be pretending like everything was hunky dory.  You can still socialize with the other friends and if he tries to talk with you, you can just turn around and walk away. </p>
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<p>A letter from the wife doesn't cut it.  A normal person, if they have made what they thought was a joke and it comes out totally wrong, apologizes themselves.  He knew there was a problem when your dh talked to him, and that was his opportunity to try to clear the air.  He didn't.</p>
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<p>I'd go with your intution, especially in regards to letting your kids be around him without you.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>oceanbaby</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1280686/totally-humiliated-by-friend-s-husband-wwyd#post_16060664"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>A normal person, if they have made what they thought was a joke and it comes out totally wrong, apologizes themselves.  He knew there was a problem when your dh talked to him, and that was his opportunity to try to clear the air.  He didn't.</p>
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How many times have you made a comment or a joke that came out the wrong way? When I do that, I feel like a complete tool and apologize for about 5 days straight. This isn't your first inclination that something is off with him. Go with your gut. I wouldn't be alone with him and I would call out every comment he makes that offends you but, beyond that, I have no advice. <img alt="hug.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif">
 

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<p>I don't get it.  Why would you be so offended?  You're very skinny, so that guy's obviously completely crazy.  I'd just ignore him as much as possible and see only his wife and kid.</p>
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<p>*My DH's best friend is very anti-social.  The first time I met him he commented on how small my breasts are in front of a whole bunch of people. (I was 90 lbs, that was just normal.)  I immediately mocked him about some of his features.  That certainly made him take me more seriously then, realizing I was completely different from DH.  He never changed much after that.  Always the type who criticize everybody and everything and doesn't have much tact.  However as I got to know him better I learned to appreciate that he's a good person and loyal friend.  Maybe your friend's husband is one of those critical and socially awkward people?</p>
 

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<p>Are you seriously asking what someone would be offended by being told she looks like a "fat sl*t"? The OP's size has nothing to do with it.</p>
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<p>ETA: calling someone what the "man" in the OP called the OP, is not socially awkward or critical. It is cruel and abusive. If he truly thinks those sorts of comments are funny I would worry about his wife and children's emotional well being.</p>
 
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>MusicianDad</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1280686/totally-humiliated-by-friend-s-husband-wwyd#post_16060759"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Are you seriously asking what someone would be offended by being told she looks like a "fat sl*t"? The OP's size has nothing to do with it.</p>
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<p>ETA: calling someone what the "man" in the OP called the OP, is not socially awkward or critical. It is cruel and abusive. If he truly thinks those sorts of comments are funny I would worry about his wife and children's emotional well being.</p>
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<p>Exactly! And your friend's apology wasn't much of one.</p>
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<p>If you want to remain friends, you should. Only do what you are comfortable with.</p>
 

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<p>email your friend back and tell her exactly what you wrote here. tell her that if that is his sense of humor its of the most cruel kind that you hope ur dh never says to anyone else. that you dont welcome that kind of joke.</p>
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<p>next time he does that be right on his face.</p>
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<p>help your friend see what a real piece of work he is. if you so desire.</p>
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<p>and yup go with ur gut. if you are good friends i would try to salve the friendship ... but by speaking the truth.</p>
 

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<p>I'm sorry but I would stay a million miles away from the whole family.  If you must see them at neighborhood stuff be civil, polite, keep your distance.</p>
 

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<p>Wow, that was fairly rude, wasn't it!</p>
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<p>I would stay away from him and avoid him like the plague.  BUT I would also not give him any reaction at all if this happens again.  He's looking for a reaction, don't give it to him.  No more drama of your DH confronting him, nothing like that...it puts him back in the spotlight where he wants to be.</p>
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<p>I would stay friends with your friend though, it sounds like she could use a good friend.  But I would not be at her house - only at yours or neutral territory.  If she asks, tell her why but expect her to defend him.  I'm guessing you'd be amazed at how much courage it took for her to write that apology note to you.  Living with someone like that, apologizing for his behavior was huge.  And I'm guessing he doesn't know she did that.   Make sure it stays that way or she could get a lot of backlash from him. </p>
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<p>A joke? And the wife had to write a letter stating it was just a joke? If it was a joke(odd one) then certainly he would have stated it as such when he saw your reaction to the comment.</p>
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<p> I would not let my kids over to their home. I would not go to their home. I would ignore him at functions that would bring us together. Over time there may be less contact anyway as your child makes other friends. If your suspicions are correct you really don't want the negativty that will come from maintaining a friendship with this family.</p>
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<p>Also,if he should show up don't even open the door for him.You get a bad vibe-go with it.</p>
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>mattemma04</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1280686/totally-humiliated-by-friend-s-husband-wwyd#post_16060958"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif"></a><br><br><p>A joke? And the wife had to write a letter stating it was just a joke? If it was a joke(odd one) then certainly he would have stated it as such when he saw your reaction to the comment.</p>
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<p> I would not let my kids over to their home. I would not go to their home. I would ignore him at functions that would bring us together. Over time there may be less contact anyway as your child makes other friends. If your suspicions are correct you really don't want the negativty that will come from maintaining a friendship with this family.</p>
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<p>Also,if he should show up don't even open the door for him.You get a bad vibe-go with it.</p>
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<br><img alt="nod.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/nod.gif"> Yes. Trust your gut with this man. Stay away from him. If you feel comfortable, allow the kids and wife to come over to your place occasionally. But never ever be alone with him.
 

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<img alt="hug.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"> I'm sorry that happened to you. <img alt="hug.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif">
 

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<p>I don't have a good answer, but if you remain friends the kids should play on your terms only. Imagine if he decides to speak that way to children.</p>
<p>Your friend sounds very co-dependent. He messed up, she tries to fix it. She could probably use a friend, but you are not obligated.</p>
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<p>And it doesn't matter what the OP's size is -- calling anyone names is offensive.</p>
 

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<p>wow, yeah i'd stay away too. and yes do NOT feed into it, or give him anymore attention. i would still be friends with her as long as you can deal with her siding with him. that would drive me nuts.</p>
 

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<p>I used to be married to someone that I had to apologize for all the time.  So I have sympathy for your friend.</p>
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<p>I personally would probably avoid the entire family.  I would not be able to get past a comment like that.  Even if it isn't anywhere near the truth, that doesn't mean it isn't a cruel thing to say.  Not funny at all, IMO.  Good for your DH for standing up for you, OP!</p>
 

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<p>I read the original and I had to get up and leave.  </p>
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<p>I do wonder if the guy did it so you would de-friend her.  He sounds verbally abusive.  What better way to isolate her by destroying her friendship.</p>
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<p>Her kids and her are welcome at your house not him. </p>
 

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<p>OP, your rewrite in the first post sounds like a good plan. The easing out would be much safer and easier (this is from one who has lived with a verbally abusive man). It will definitely keep you safer.</p>
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<p>When you said she had written an apology, I immediately got an image in my mind of a woman I know who would probably do just that to try to smooth things out. I do agree that he is chasing her friends away, so that's a hard call to make. I'd definitely include her in my prayers. She needs help and friends but you can't destroy yourself and your family.</p>
 
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