[Oceanjones]

I am crying as I write this because I just do not know what to do about her!<br>
Our nursing relationship is in the toilet. Just like another mama here in another thread put I too feel like I want to throw her off me or even bite her from nursing so much. I am also nursing my 5 mo old ds. I am touched out by 2 pm everyday and no amount of reasoning, trying to set limits or even distractions will get this girl to STAY OFF MY BOOBS! She will wail for hours if she doesn't get her way. I have tried getting her to just nurse for a few minutes but she clamps on to my breast and I have to literally pry her mouth off of me. I just want her to quit. I feel so guilty because I wanted to CLW but it is just not working. I have no patience with her anymore or with my 12 yo when she gets home from school because Sophie has just taken everything out of me. Sometimes I feel like I almost hate her. She is back to the newborn poop again today because she has been even worse the last few days. I love her but nursing is destroying our relationship. I want to just cut her off completely but I know I would be in for days of screaming and all around bad behavior. I'm not the only one who is suffering from this though. Poor Jude and Bridgette it seems get pushed to the side because everything revolves around Sophie and her insistant demand to nurse!!!! HELP ME I feel like the worst mother in the world.

 

[blsilva]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you, mama. I remember this feeling- being so overwhelmed by it all. Please make sure to find a way to get some time to yourself, even for a few minutes or an hour! It usually helped me when I felt like this for dh or my mom to take the oldest, especially when the baby was napping, and go to the store, or to get ice cream, whatever. Just so that I could have some time to myself. Even a bath was great.<br>
Remember that it is okay to ask for help, and to get some time for you to be by yourself sometimes. And remember that it will pass.

 

[BelgianSheepDog]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Not there yet, but I could see myself in your shoes in a year's time or so. You need some rest. Is there any way you could get someone to help you for a day, or even just 5-6 hours? I think your post says it all. You know what you need, you know things are getting unbalanced and it is hurting your whole family. Some time alone to rest, eat, drink, and relax would help you clear your mind enough to decide what you need to do long-term.

 

[Thalia the Muse]

I think BSD has a very good idea there. Also, if she were not constantly with you, she wouldn't be able to constantly nurse -- or nag you to nurse. Do you know how she handles it if you're not there? It might give her a chance to learn other ways of amusing/comforting/feeding herself in addition to nursing, without so much drama.

 

[LynnS6]

I agree with the pp - you need some help and you need it SOON!<br><br>
Another thought:<br>
Right now she's spending a lot of the day tantruming and whining about nursing, right? So, why not do a partial weaning now? (After you get some rest.)<br><br>
How many times do you think you can stand to nurse her a day? Morning and night? Morning, nap and night? One more? Decide on what feels good for you. Make the times something you'll be able to tell her easily "I'll nurse you after dinner."<br><br>
Then, make up a little 'chart' - with pictures for the times you'll nurse. After you nurse, put up a sticker on the chart. Then if she asks to nurse again, tell her, "The next time I'll nurse you is naptime/dinner time/bedtime. See, we've already nursed for the morning." This isn't a 'reward' chart, it's a visual aid to help her understand the time.<br><br>
THEN, STICK TO YOUR GUNS FOR A WEEK. Offer sympathy "It's hard, I know you really want to nurse." But if you've decided to do this, DO NOT NURSE HER. (I know, I just night weaned dd at 33 mos.) Yes, she will cry. Yes, you won't be able to sit in your favorite (nursing) chair unless it's nursing time. But she will get over it. You are not abandoning her to the wolves, you are helping set boundaries so you have the energy to deal with her and the rest of the family. After a week, I would be willing to be that things will be MUCH MUCH better in that dept.<br><br>
(The most effective way to get a child to whine and cry and NOT wean is to tell her you won't nurse her, and then some of the time follow through and sometimes not. Then she'll never know which of the times is a follow through time and which isn't, so she'll keep pushing.)<br><br>
It's OK to set this boundary. You need to care for yourself in order to care for your daughters and son.

 

[mommyabroad]

I'm there with my 3 1/2 year old. I've tried limiting to three times a day (morning, nap, and before bed), but it's just not working. Lynn, I like the chart idea because it is not reward based. I am so touched out and a complete grump by the 1:00pm. DS was very sick two weeks ago and nursed around the clock. I think he wants that again but I can't do it. I'm angry at myself for not being able to meet his needs/wants for nursing and think that if only I could just relax more, be more available, etc. etc., then I could keep nursing on cue. But I've got to give up that fantasy because I find myself avoiding sitting down just so he won't ask to nurse! And I'm adding anxiety to his life because he's not sure when he gets extra nursing time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">

 

[Oceanjones]

I appreciate everyone's responses so much!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat"><br><br>
I know I do live in this fantasy where I think I can do it all but that is not even close to the reality. I don't have anyone that can take her for even a couple hours but my 12 yo dd tries to help keep her occupied. (Another source of guilt)<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/guilty.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="guilty"><br><br>
I am going to try to make up that chart. She loves stickers so I will let her put them on and I'm just going to have to stick to my guns. I have been bad about going ahead and letting her nurse just to shut her up. She's good at pulling guilt trips too with her "Please? Please?" over and over again.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"> I feel awful and then I cry & she says "Crying?" and touches my face and smiles and kisses me and is so sweet.<br>
SO.....<br>
It seems like we will have a week of hell but if I am consistant it WILL get better? I am going to try not to nurse her the rest of the day until bedtime. She's napping now<br><br>
I will be checking in for help with strength from all of you!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy">

 

[blsilva]

Please don't feel guilty about using the help of your 12yo! I was 15 when my little sister was born, and I know that the times I helped my mom by taking care of her, it was fun- good for bonding, too.<br>
You do have to let yourself accept help where you are able, though I know the feeling, sometimes we just want to be able to do it all. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">

 

[jamsmama]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LynnS6</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7994427"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">How many times do you think you can stand to nurse her a day? Morning and night? Morning, nap and night? One more? Decide on what feels good for you. Make the times something you'll be able to tell her easily "I'll nurse you after dinner."<br><br>
Then, make up a little 'chart' - with pictures for the times you'll nurse. After you nurse, put up a sticker on the chart. Then if she asks to nurse again, tell her, "The next time I'll nurse you is naptime/dinner time/bedtime. See, we've already nursed for the morning." This isn't a 'reward' chart, it's a visual aid to help her understand the time.<br><br>
THEN, STICK TO YOUR GUNS FOR A WEEK. Offer sympathy "It's hard, I know you really want to nurse." But if you've decided to do this, DO NOT NURSE HER. (I know, I just night weaned dd at 33 mos.) Yes, she will cry. Yes, you won't be able to sit in your favorite (nursing) chair unless it's nursing time. But she will get over it. You are not abandoning her to the wolves, you are helping set boundaries so you have the energy to deal with her and the rest of the family. After a week, I would be willing to be that things will be MUCH MUCH better in that dept.<br><br>
It's OK to set this boundary. You need to care for yourself in order to care for your daughters and son.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
This post is just what I needed. I'm in the same boat as the OP. I'm nursing my 28 mo toddler and a 4 1/2 mo. I'm TOTALLY touched out and getting resentful. My feeling right now is that weaning him (who knows how long this will take) is better than having an angry and resentful mom.