Tough decision- leave my OB?

537 Views 13 Replies 13 Participants Last post by Ianthe, Apr 14, 2009

penstamon

Discussion Starter · Apr 9, 2009

First off, I have no problems with my OB- she's great and the hospital is pretty laid back. But she is an OB and views birthing as a "medical" situation and of course hospitals are not exactly my favorite place. Our new doula is sooooo awesome

: and has finished her midwife training. She has been attending births for years and is full of good info and we just click. At out last visit she has fun showing us where the baby was lying in my belly (my OB never said anything when palpating) and we just had a good time. She lent us many birthing books and here's the problem:

Spiritual Midwifery has just solidified my desire to birth with a midwife, either at home or in a birthing center. Its not just that book, many many things (including many of you on MDC) have made me realize that I would just be more comfortable without the medical intervention environment. So after letting my desire slip to my doula, she has offered to take us as her clients under supervision of more senior midwives (who both come highly recommended). I have had no complications, no history of health problems, etc.

Problems: 1. DH not so into switching...
2. not covered by insurance, will cost around the same or much more than we would have paid for OB/hospital
3. Switching at almost 25 weeks? Our OB will be our pediatrician and I don't want weirdness between us.
4. Nearest hospital is 20 minutes away if there is a problem

What to do?

It would work out either way but now I have this gut feeling that I will only have a few kids in life, why not have them the exact way I want?

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femalephish

· #2 · Apr 9, 2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by penstamon

I have this gut feeling that I will only have a few kids in life, why not have them the exact way I want?

I agree you should have your babies however you want as the situation allows. Here is my take on your potential problems;

Problems: 1. DH not so into switching... This is tough. Is he agaist homebirth? Or just nervous to switch because you have already started with your OB ect? All I can say is talk, talk, talk about it. And watch The Buisness of Being Born together.

2. not covered by insurance, will cost around the same or much more than we would have paid for OB/hospital This has been a problem for us. The only way we have been able to swing it is with a payment plan to our MW and using some of our tax return money. It has been SO worth it so far, though. Ask potential midwives about payment plans.

3. Switching at almost 25 weeks? Our OB will be our pediatrician and I don't want weirdness between us. I'm not sure. How cool is your OB? If she is REALLY unsupportive you might have to decide which is more important; having this OB as your ped? or having your homebirth?

4. Nearest hospital is 20 minutes away if there is a problem That's not too far, in my opinion. I think my MW recomends within 30 minutes.

My opinion might be biased because I am SO excited about my homebirth and I feel SO positive about my relationship with my midwives. Just try to pick what feels right for you. Good Luck!!

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dogmom327

· #3 · Apr 9, 2009

You might come over to the HB sub-forum too. Lots of good advice there on helping get DH on board, negotiating payment options and how to tactfully break it off with the OB.

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lindsayjean

· #4 · Apr 9, 2009

I wrestled with my decision for a homebirth SO MUCH before finally deciding. I realized that I can not base this life decision on money (even though we have none) and I talked to my DH and he was able to ask lots and lots of questions if he wanted to the midwife. Our homebirth is not covered at ALL by insurance and a hospital birth would be free, but this is just so important to me.

Search your heart, you'll find what you should do!

Oh, and my midwife has taken people at like 30 some weeks even... maybe even like 37 she said?

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penstamon

Discussion Starter · #5 · Apr 9, 2009

I spoke with DH last night and his first reaction was very negative, which I expected. After he had time to digest the thought by himself he seemed more open. My DH is soooo proud of the fact he was born at home, although it was an accident, he loves telling people that. So I pointed this out and that certainly helped him to think reasonably.

He really does not want a HB and would much rather prefer to birth at the midwives' place. I believe it is best to do it in one's own home since you have immunity to all the pathogens there, but I am open to another non-hospital location. He is also very uncomfortable about leaving the OB, but I am guessing he would leave that conversation to me anyway

.

So far, not too bad. Maybe he will come around in the next few weeks.

Thanks for the replies! I think I will x-post in the HB subforum...

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Carlyn

· #6 · Apr 9, 2009

I had one hospital birth with OB, then three homebirths with midwives. I am a big fan of midwifery and homebirths! I don't think 25 weeks is too late. For my three homebirthed babies, we had come back to Canada from overseas during my pregnancies. The earliest I had seen a midwife then was 20 weeks, the others were 30 weeks. It worked out fine in our case. We built good relationships. I am looking forward to a homebirth again this time. We live rural, so the hospital is one hour away from our house.

I think that husbands are often more leary of letting go of a hospital birth. I think it is their desire to protect us and care for us. It "seems" safer to go with the pros! But my husband is very supportive of it. Itprobably took a little more convincing for him to go with it at first than me. Now we'd only go to the hospital if there was a serious concern or situation.

I hope that it works out for you to have the birth of you desire, whichever you choose.

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songbird45

· #7 · Apr 9, 2009

Honestly, I'd go ahead and shop around for a good homebirth midwife. When you interview them, go with your dh so he can have input. Talk about payment plans and contingencies and everything else you're worried about. If you like your OB, you might not find a midwife who is a better fit, personality wise, and the whole thing might be moot. Or you might find someone who is so fantastic that you can't pass it up. But you don't know unless you look. Good luck!

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plantmama

· #8 · Apr 10, 2009

I'm sensing the fear of what the medical professional will think in your thoughts on the OB. I have this too so no judgement!

BUT, you can't let your fear dictate how you make your health care choices.
If you want a hb just be upfront and confident. You could honestly just say you're switching to a midwife's care. Either way make the decision before you talk to her. If you go with HB you could also just cancel your next appointment.
Good luck with your dh. If this is what you want it is your birth and should be 100% your decision. But you definitely want him on board

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ATruck

· #9 · Apr 10, 2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by penstamon

.

So far, not too bad. Maybe he will come around in the next few weeks.

Thanks for the replies! I think I will x-post in the HB subforum...

My DH was initially more comfortable with the idea of a birth center than home... until we toured birth centers and he realized that they are more or less like going to someone else's house or a hotel to have the baby. A homebirth midwife brings everything with her that would be available at a freestanding birth center. Keep in mind that you have way more info than your DH does at this point about homebirth. Help him get the info that you already have so that he can see what you are seeing.

25 weeks is NOT too late. Many people have only had about 3 appointments with their care provider at that point-- there is still a long way to go, and a lot of the connection comes later, when your appointments are more frequent.

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AniellasMommy

· #10 · Apr 12, 2009

I'll second (or maybe third) that 25 weeks is not too late. I think you should listen to your intuition. With DD I thought it was too late when I started having doubts about my provider and I WISH I had listened to my instincts. (It was not a fun experience. I probably should have fired my unprofessional, manipulative midwife in the delivery room.) I think its not too late to switch until the baby is already here.....seriously.

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donutmolly

· #11 · Apr 12, 2009

Obviously I'm biased (going on 3 homebirths) but if you want midwife care, and a HB, then you should go for it. Sounds like your DH will come around. Mine had no desire whatsoever for HB before we had our first, now he's the biggest HB supporter around! I always like to point out that there are risks to hospital birth -- the biggest is birth injury to you or the baby -- most likely in the form of an unnecessary c-section or episiotomy.

I also don't think that 25 weeks is too late, especially since you're already a client of your doula, so she knows you. I didn't hire my midwives for either of my births until around 25 weeks (because I was living in a different country).

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LilMomma83

· #12 · Apr 13, 2009

I think it's a very personal decision.

I have midwife care through my practice that deliver at the hospital. However I still explored the idea of birth center and home birth. DH was concerned, but, felt a lot better after meeting the home birth midwife and touring the birth center-he was able to ask questions etc. I told him, "just come with me and learn, so you have tools to make a decision with me...after that I will also be respectful of your wishes." As it turns out the out of pocket for a home birth was through the roof for us, and the other insurance issue is very complicated...but, in short, if I had wanted full coverage for the birthing center they would not have covered our pediatrician...in our case we have an extremely supportive pediatrician (very pro extended BF, delayed/selective vaxing, suggest natural/herbal remedies often), and we have quite a relationship with them at this point because of our 2yo, who has had some ongoing issues that we have been in there a lot.

So in our case finances and staying with our pediatrician won out and we are doing a hospital birth (though I do realize it is a little different sense I still have midwife care), but, I think it just depends what is most important to you.

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Quindin

· #13 · Apr 14, 2009

If I were in your situation, and a great alternative to an OB appeared, I would switch as
late as a week before if I could get away with it.
The best part is that you know this lady already and have great chemistry - this is sooooooo important during labour. It makes it lightyears more manageable.

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Ianthe

· #14 · Apr 14, 2009

With my last pregancy, I made the switch from an OB to a FSBC mw, and I was about 27 or so weeks when I did it. It was really not a hassle at all.. I called the receptionist at the OB office, said I was switching to a midwife at the birth center, and to please forward my records, and that was it.

DH trusts my opinions and feelings though, and was confident I was making a well researched and thought-out decision. It was not hard for me to convince him at all.. I basically said, "I think I want to switch to a midwife at a birth center, because it would be the best and most natural way for me to give birth." and he said, "OK."

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