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X-Posted in Special Needs...really needing support right now. Thanks<br><br>
I have finally placed 17yoDD (*very* RAD, Bipolar) out of our home and into an emergency youth shelter. Enough is finally enough. I've had it with the stealing, lying, manipulation, dishonesty, and everything else. While she is, and always will be, a part of our family...she no longer lives here, nor is she welcome in our home until she gets her life together. Even then she will *never* live here again. She will be there for 14 days (their max), and my goal is to work my tail off to find another placement for her, either a group home until she 'adults out' at 19, or into job corps, which is my ideal solution as it's residential combined with voc training, which she desperately needs to survive in the real world.<br><br>
She has been volunteering as an aide with an elderly disabled lady for the past couple of months. Keep in mind she's had this facade of maturity and honorability for a while, and she was highly recommended by the church pastor based on her tireless volunteering their as well. Well...she stole $300 cash from this dear woman, right from under her nose, and proceeded to BLOW IT ALL in less than two hours. No joke. When confronted by the woman she confessed, very callously, and the woman was kind enough to call the police and press charges (she has our FULL support with this). This isn't the first time DD has done this, it's just been a couple of years (we thought) that she did it this badly, and genuinely...honestly...I thought she only stole from me. That doesn't make it ok, I mean I've got locks on every door inside my house (bedrooms, pantry, closets, etc) to keep my stuff from disappearing into her world, she just hadn't stolen things from others before (ok she hadn't been caught...I do get that LOL). She's been working so hard to convince everyone that she's this perfect angel, and she's gained so much trust. Well it turns out it was all an act (which I had guessed anyways) and I'm glad others are seeing her true colors, as I'm so tired of everyone thinking I'm a maniac for not trusting this kid. The police ticketed her for theft and I immediately packed a bag for her (while she waited outside, I wouldn't let her back in the house for a millisecond) and took her to the shelter. DH and I went through her room and found HUNDREDS of dollars of stuff she has bought with stolen money (with receipts, of all things to keep)...well over and beyond the $300 she got caught for. Keep in mind the child has a freaking job and makes about $200 a paycheck, she can buy anything she wants, but she prefers stealing. How do we *know* it's all bought with stolen money?? Because her freaking bank account (it's a minor's account under mine so I have access) logs every debit purchase, she doesn't own checks, she hasn't withdrawn cash from her bank account since before Christmas, and she paid for all of the stuff with cash that apparently materialized out of nowhere.<br><br>
I'm so.beyond.done, and frankly I feel like a weight has been lifted and I am so ready to move on with our family in a healthier direction. Honestly, her presence at home has felt poisonous over the last year, although getting anyone outside the family to believe us was impossible (what?? DD??? No, she's AMAZING!, I wish I had TWO of her! etc. etc. etc while DD has a big, smug grin and demon eyes glaring at us). We've dealt with year after year of the crazy lying to my face, the belligerent "prove it" attitude, the framing her brother for stealing when she did it (she would steal things from me, then hide them in HIS room and tell on HIM), the endless manipulation of every adult that has ever tried to help her...the list goes on. Frankly, it's exhausting to even think of everything we've dealt with, and I've lived it since she was 9. I want the best for her, but she doesn't...and nothing I can do will change her mind. So, we have gotten her clothes together, along with her personal momentos, and put them in the shed, awaiting delivery to wherever her long term home will be. Everything else she had in her room...and I mean EVERYTHING...has been donated to a homeless shelter.<br><br>
I really didn't want this to happen, but I'm glad it happened now and not in three weeks when I have a newborn. I thought I'd feel so sad about this, but I really don't. I'm sad for her, sad for her future, sad for her hell bent goal of ending up the best con artist in prison...but I'm not feeling sad about how we handled it. I've always said that when I make a decision I want to know without any doubt that I've done everything I can do before letting go. I genuinely have, and it wasn't enough. Not because I'm not enough, but because her hurt is so great that I can't heal it.<br><br>
So remind me of all this bravado when I'm bawling uncontrollably in a few days, K?<br><br>
Thanks for listening.<br>
Bellevuemama
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">getting anyone outside the family to believe us was impossible (what?? DD??? No, she's AMAZING!, I wish I had TWO of her! etc. etc. etc while DD has a big, smug grin and demon eyes glaring at us). We've dealt with year after year of the crazy lying to my face, the belligerent "prove it" attitude, the framing her brother for stealing when she did it (she would steal things from me, then hide them in HIS room and tell on HIM), the endless manipulation of every adult that has ever tried to help her</div>
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Yep, I completely hear you. Completely. Down to the last drop.<br><br>
This is how RAD destroys children, and it's horrific to watch.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I hope you remain at peace.<br><br>
dm
 

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Thanks dharmamama, I REALLY appreciate it. I've been thinking about you and Desta re: the intensive. Good luck, stay strong, you are doing so much just by trying. PM me if you ever need to talk, it's soooooooo hard sometimes.<br><br>
Bellevuemama
 

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I cannot imagine what you and your family have been through. I pray that there is healing and peace for all of you. May your daughter find the road she needs to find to be made whole, and may the rest of your family draw from one another in learning to function healthily again. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/praying.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="praying">:
 

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I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.....I cant fathom going through what you, Dharma and so many others have dealt with. You are amazing women.....<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
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