[smlame]

Hi all! I need some advice/thoughts from some like-minded mamas. My hubby's family gets together every July and rents a house on a lake for a family vacation. We live in OR.....this is NY state. Of course, we'd love to go but I have some reservations about travelling with our 2 month old (or younger) and our older daughter (who will be almost 3). I had made my decision not go but when we had a recent visit from the in-laws-we got a lot of pressure about coming back (after we had already told them we decided not to).

It got me to thinking.....am I''m being a stick in the mud or is this a legitimate decision? Here's where I'm coming from......the baby is still so little and I remember with my first not really feeling like myself for about 10 weeks. Plus I had the care of my midwife-so for instance when I felt a little breast infection coming on, all it took was a phone call for the some herbs, etc to be on my doorstep and crisis is averted. Also, I love that magical time when not much else matters but baby-mama bonding and while I know it won't quite be the same as with baby #1-we can still try to have that special quiet family time to adjust to our new member. I also know myself and I know I'll feel tired-and then feel bad when my MIL makes comments about me "sleeping in" or whatever. She is not a bad person but doesn't really have an understanding of the demands of attachment parenting. While it could be a nice time to intro our newest addition to the family, the whole idea of packing up two kids, flying across the country which always takes a full day, staying with others the whole while I'll still have a sore nether region and leaking breasts just feels overwhelming. Anyone have any experience with this-travelled with two kids-one a newborn? Would you do it again? Would the warm fuzzies of being with family outweigh my "discomforts?" Any thoughts would be really appreciated!

 

[emnic77]

Personally, I wouldn't...I drove 7 hours to go to my high school reunion and visit my parents and grandparents at 8 weeks post partum with DS, and it was fine, but flying - personally I could not do. Flying is stressful for me as it is, dealing with a newborn and a sore crotch and sore boobs...and layovers if you end up with them, etc...nah. Wouldn't do it. Especially if I'd be going into a situation with family that wants to play pass-the-baby if that sort of thing bothers you (not saying you would be, but that would be a consideration for me).

(We'll be driving 3 hours to go to my cousin's high school graduation party for June 26th, when baby will be between 4-6 weeks, and my aunt warned me that her husband's family is baby-grabby, so I know to keep the baby in a sling with a boob out the entire time

)

 

[organicpapayamama]

After I had ds I drove 500 miles 8 days postpartum for him to meet his greatgrandma and a couple of aunts and uncles. I had no problem driving. Flying, no way. I was ok showing ds to a couple of family members but I am not ok exposing a newborn to a large group of people. I'm afraid of germs and such. Eveyone loves a new baby and they will want to hold her and his her and I'm just not comfortable when I'm delaying vaxes.

 

[Crispie]

Truly mama, it sounds like you already know your answer and just need some lovin support that it is ok to say no! Say no say no say no!!! You can always commit to next time, or maybe plan a visit over a holiday or another time even a little later...blame it on H1N1 and the airlines

Honestly, I would worm my way out of that one, even if they thought I was lying about my reasons.

I do plan on travel after birth myself. We do a family camp trip with my daddy on the beach almost every year-except when someone is literally in the hospital...which has happened alot the last 5 years. Baby girl will be about 3 months old though, a little later than 8 weeks as you mentioned. It's a 12 hour drive that we usually take at night, but are planning on catching a motel this time to ease the all night trip with an infant. Dad has an RV and we use tents, but the RV is great for showers and what not, makes it much easier. My family is much more supportive though as far as my parenting styles, they are just so happy to see and hug us all that they could give a crap if we sleep til noon and don't shower all week long lol! but, that's why we go

if they were judgemental or very mainstream and non understanding (hello DH's family

) then no way in hell would we go.

We camped with DH's family last summer, my son was 14 months and they couldn't understand why we were asking them to be quiet at night and not get drunk and loud ten feet from our tent. Their kids are trained to sleep through that stuff, mine, not so much...it was a major PITA and we left a day early and vowed not to camp with them again!

I hope you are able to take it easy and they don't give you crap about it. At least they aren't trying to invite themselves to come stay with you! Thank God my DH has good boundaries!!!

 

[Zangua]

It does sound like you know your answer/boundaries and just need to stick to them. Or you can make it tentative and 'see how you feel'. If you feel great/want a lake vacation that should be an option, but the fam needs to give you room to bow out.

Personally, we are flying to Uganda mid-July. We spend half of every year there and this year won't be any different. So in my book, NY state sounds totally sane.

 

[smlame]

Thanks for the input and support! You are so right, Crispie.....even as I was writing the post I was thinking-I already have my answer! It's nice to have some validation and to know I'm not "out there" with my ideas! At dinner tonight, DH and I decided we are putting this issue to bed! We are not going-if we have a change of heart and somehow we could get there then great but the plan is to stay home all summer and bond as a family. There will be plenty more summers to travel to the lake house but we only have this one summer to welcome our new one the way we want to.

Also, good point on the germs......we don't do much vaxxing either and I would be really nervous about being in large groups, on planes and in a new environment while the baby's immune system is so young. I'd feel better if the baby is in his/her home environment to develop a strong immune system-at least that's what I'm thinking!

 

[trumpcard]

Just dropping in to throw you my support for staying home. I posted a nearly identical thread just last week and can relate to so much of your situation (minus the 3 year old of course!) Glad to know I have some company!

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1196666

 

[smlame]

Thanks for the link Trumpcard....I just read your thread which was really helpful! And it sounds like you made the decision not to go-so I'll just throw my two cents in that I think that's a great one! Since this is your first, it's definitely worth protecting your time as you'll be adjusting to so many things and those first few months with hormones and all can be really intense-you might feel more sensitive than usual to others giving their opinions or not agreeing with what you want to do. Also, it really is SUCH a magical time with the first because you really can make it all about baby. My midwife had me on pretty limited activities due to some complications so I never left my house for 2 weeks after dd was born. I LOVED that time. Everyone else took care of "life" and I got to fall in love with my baby. At 6 weeks, you have every right to still want to protect that time!

 

[katelove]

No experience yet but I support the stay at home team too.

We are *considering* an emergency nursing conference in October (4hr flight) and I am very committed to going to our annual extended family gathering in December (another 4hr flight) but earlier than that I would need a **very** good reason.

 

[OrchideZ]

You already sound like your mind is of staying home. If you feel this way, I would not give in to pressure. Your baby is only a darling wee little newborn once and you sound like you enjoyed the bonding the first time round. I think you might have regrets if you get pushed into going.
You say you both already said you weren't coming and they aren't accepting that decision?

If you cave in, this might set the tone for always getting walked over by them.
Even if someone isn't doing AP, they should be able to understand and respect it.

 

[copperfox]

Team Stay Home!

 

[Tenk]

I personally would NOT do it unless I had to. That said, we have a wedding to attend in July, and baby girl will be 3+ months old by then. I'm 100% dreading it. 1st off, I HATE people wanting to hold my NEW baby and she will be slinged most of the time so they can't ask, 2nd it's hard to be comfortable at someone else's home when you need to rest and recover.

I know you have made your decision, but I wanted to post my 2c worth LOL

 

[LilMama23]

We will be doing it. We are attending a wedding July 9th in Wyoming, and then flying home to NJ for 6 weeks from there. We'll have a 2-3 month old and our 4 year old daughter. Although we live here in CA, it's not home to me - we just moved here last year, and I know I'll feel much more comfortable being home in NJ for the summer where my family is. It's all about your comfort level, and it doesn't sound like you'll be comfortable there, so I wouldn't do it.

 

[NullSet]

Stay home if you can. It doesn't sound like a once in a lifetime event so I wouldn't go. Plus, I hate it when anyone pressures me. I'll say no to something just because someone is pushing me too hard.

I drove (actually moved my entire house) cross-country when ds was 3 weeks old. And that was without dh! It can be done but I wouldn't say it is advisable. It couldn't be helped in my case though.

I've also got a June wedding to attend this time around that I can't miss. So that will be a long weekend driving 17 hours with three kids, one a newborn, there and 17 hours back. My kids have always been great travelers (hope the new one is too!) and my family isn't the hog the baby type so I'll do it.

 

[jecombs]

I went on a wonderful trip when DD was about 2-3 mo. old. I flew from North Carolina to Michigan for my grandma's 80th B-day/ family reunion. We spent a week at the lake with my parents, sister, and my extended family. I had a great time and was totally comfortable. But, it probably would have been a different story if it had been a trip to my DH's side of the family. My family, I have no problem setting boundaries and "letting it all hang out". His family is a bit different. If I had not been totally sure that I would have a wonderful time on the trip, I would not go.

This time around, with a toddler and a newborn I don't know if I would make the same choices... chasing a toddler is totally different than just toting a newborn around. We are contemplating another trip to Michigan in Oct., when DS will be around 5 mo. old, but are still not sure.