[mamassong]

Hi,
On Saturday my H and I are beginning a trial separation. We were originally planning on moving into a new place together on this date, but I decided that this was a good time to separate, since we were packing and registering in a new school, etc., anyway. He will go to the new rental place, and the kids and I are going to my parent's house.

So, my questions are,

Would you recommend a 'legal' separation, since we have kids? (We have NO money, I don't even know how we're going to pay the utilities here. They will probably go to collections.) I am a SAHM.
Should I borrow money from my parents to see a lawyer? I don't really know where to start.

I wasn't really concerned with the details, because it seemed like we would be able to make decisions together. But, today he told my DD (3.5) that she was going out with him, and I asked him where they were going, and he said "I don't know", so I told him that now that we had a plan for separation, I would like to know what time they're leaving and a time they're going to be back. He kind of blew up, slamming the fridge shut, saying "you can't talk to me like that".
I'm not sure what he was thinking, maybe it hasn't sunk in yet. But his outburst made me think maybe we can't be as civil as I thought we could.

Any advice? Thanks

 

[Rosehip]

Unless you have a serious plan for rehabbing your relationship that is already in place, it seems like you expect to be heading for divorce. Is that correct? I started the legal separation process immediately. I think that's wise unless you truly forsee this as being temporary - going to your parents for two weeks while you guys cool off, for instance.

In my state, during the separation process, you basically hammer out everything that needs to be done for divorce - custody, visitation, other parenting issues, child and/or spousal support, how far the CP can move away from the other parent, etc.

Unless you think that you can put aside your animosity, and cooperate fully regarding financial and parenting decisions, getting such an agreement would be wise.

 

[Bad Mama Jama]

i would go for a legal separation to set up some support parameters through the court system. i would have a plan as to if you all even what to get back together because that is key. if you all plan to get back together at some point, maybe you all should seek counseling. but if you find that you all are happier apart, then a plan for divorce also needs to be put in place.