Help! I've been doing EC with my now 4 month old for 2 1/2 months now and it's been great... I never missed anything. Now suddenly either she's not communicating anymore or I am not getting her signs... Please help! I feel like I am failing :'(
First, just having one less messy diaper is a success. Second, 4 months tends to be both a growth spurt and teething so no wonder cues would be tricky. I like going to timing when things are tricky. Basically, offering every x amount of time from the last diaper change or catch. That way there are still catches, but without the stress of wondering if every little thing is a sign.
Focus on the communication and offering the opportunities, not how many wet diapers you get.
I agree with the PP. There are growth spurts that distract a child and also make it tough for them (and you) to be on top of their bodily functions all the time.
Secondly, sometimes kids just stop being as interested and you may also not be paying attention as well as you think. Also, not a big deal (there is so much new going on every day).
That is not a failure and catching every single drop is also not the ultimate sign of success.
COMMUNICATION, however, is a sign of success (even after the fact of a miss - talk about the wetness, the way it feels, about changing the wet clothes).
Maybe watch for new signs of communication with your child. They get more sophisticated every week and perhaps your child is trying to communicate in a slightly more complex way with you and you are missing it at that moment, expecting the old tried and true signals.... and hence, imagine how frustrating for the child.
But, really, don't fret, you are doing great! Even one catch a day is success, no matter how the rest is going. It will come, it really will.
Oh, you know, I was assuming the communication from parent to child would continue. It's the communication from child to parent that I think can lead to stress when the parent is having a lot of trouble understanding. For me, increasing parent to child communication "let's try the potty now" helped keep the dialog open when I wasn't able to understand what, if anything, my child was trying to communicate about the potty.
I've been in the same boat, for about 2 months now. Around 6 months DD stopped signalling, and I relied on timing. Then I took long attempts at figuring out her signals, which I realize might have changed since she became mobile, etc. She did signal sometimes, but honestly it's super tricky to distinguish her EC sounds from the rest, and they keep changing every week. Now it's gotten to a point where I can't recall the last time she pooped in the potty, which was one thing I could count on every single morning. She also hates the pottytunities, always pees/poos 5-10 minuts after I offer, and I feel like EC isn't working at all apart from the pees after I take her out of the carrier. Super frustrating, I don't use thick diapers, just flats and split crotch pants, which holds a pee well but not poop. I tried backing off, offering only so often, changing location did work for a little while, but now she hates all new and old ones. I realize this isn't the end of the world, but she is only 8 months, and a long time from independence, so it's sad that we can only EC 2 pees a day until then
I hope your situation will change for the better soon though, I feel your pain!
Just another thought, because of the age - becoming active crawlers and scootchers.... having a potty nearby in every room your child is in can make the opportunity just "appear" unexpectedly. Maybe the child doesn't go first thing after waking now (poo, that is), but after playing for a few minutes in the living room, if s/he feels the need and the potty just happens to be nearly, may crawl to it or be very open to being put on it then. It helps to offer that in-between type of opportunity - not timed per se, but not purely signalled either.
Thanks Ocean spray. I have potties throughout the apartment.
She is very active, I just hoped it would pass after almost 3 months but I'm starting to accept that EC will not happen for us. I'm not sure what I did wrong, must've been that I relied on timing and cues not cues alone. She doesn't signal at all, and when I hold her over the potty a little longer she still withholds only to pee in the diaper a minute later. I tried being more assertive but gentle, and right now I think I will stop offering altogether. I even started putting disposables for naps sometimes because by the time she falls asleep (may take up 30 mins) she is wet and I have to change her.
I hope the original poster is having a better luck with their LO.
Nina, I am sorry to hear that, but backing off sounds like the right thing for you for now. Maybe you will see cues in a little while and think, maybe we can try this again? But I don't think you did anything wrong by responding to cues and using timing. I used both at different times and ages and stages and it did not create a "bad ECing process" for us. children are just different and you should not take responsibility for being "at fault" for it. It sounds like you were doing it all the way we usually know it works. All the best!!
I just read your post in the top hat position thread and I don't think you are/were doing anything wrong. Please stop being so hard on yourself, Mama, you have done a lot of amazing and well-intentioned things for your child and I don't believe for one minute that they have done anything but help and support your child. ((HUG))
We had brief periods where we did not catch our baby signal also. Try taking your baby to the potty every 20 minutes for the first day. And then every half hour for the second day. Until you start to catch more.