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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For my intro, see this thread:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...=478477&page=3

My journey began when i was 21, newly married and pregnant. I took Bradley classes because i am after of needles and didn't want an epidural. At that point, homebirth was completely not on my radar. At 36 wks, we found out she was breech (frank breech) and i didn't know of any attendants in my area that would take me on. I was scared and everything i read led me to believe that a c-section was better, so i didn't look very hard either. Now i know that one doctor and no midwives (certified or lay) will attend breech births. So i had a c-section and although it was scary, i knew it would be ok because next time i would have a regular natural birth.

When i was pregnant with my second, i decided to homebirth and meet with the back-up OB a couple of times. Well, at my first visit, i found out that i had been sensitized to the kell antigen and i was making antibodies. I wonder now how different things would be if i hadn't gone to that appt. At this point, my antibody status and the knowledge that has come with it has been more of a burden than blessing. I was monitored closely and my son never became anemic. The monitoring, however, included weekly sonos and so at 40 wks, i was found to have low fluid. I was pretty educated about things childbirth related, but i was just so blind-sided, when they told me about the things that could happen with low fluid (and that it indicated the placenta was failing) i just buckled. Didn't listen to my intuition. The (supposedly) natural childbirth oriented doctor told me that i could have another section or induce. Those were my options. And my doula (who would have been my hb mw) said to trust him. And i went against my gut and it felt horrible. It still makes me so sad that i didn't enjoy my baby's birth because as they were doing the section, i was laying there thinking "this isn't supposed to be happening like this". It was supposed to be gentle, at home, when he chose to come. I suffered ppd. I had a hard time taking care of him because i so grieved that i couldn't give him and i the birth that we needed.

So when i got pregnant this time, i knew i would have my homebirth. But i had a 50/50 chance of this baby having the antigen. And he does. He has not been affected so far, but every trip to the doctor is a battle. They placed my "due date" eight days early based on a 19 wk ultrasound even though i knew when i ovulated. I hate hate hate that. They weren't there. The sonogram machine was there. I was. My dh was. God was. It has made it such an adversial relationship, because i know they are just trying to cover their a$$es, not do what is best for me. But i feel like i know too much. Since i know i have the antibodies, i can either ignore it and perhaps end up with a stillborn baby, or face the monitoring and have my confidence in my body and my baby undermined. He is looking good (as did my other son) and is not showing any signs of anemia. I think that my baby's have some body wisdom that won't allow their blood to be damaged by my antibodies.

I am planning on an unassisted birth because he is still looking good, but i know that as my due date approaches the pressure from the doctor's to evict the baby will increase. I want their diagnostic tools, and i want to be able to make my decisions based on that, i don't want their scare tactics or there fear-based "expertise". When we were talking about taking a less invasive approach (doing an amnio that wouldn't necessarily tell us if anything was wrong vs doing the sonos) my high-risk doctor actually said "well, logically, we would follow the intuitive thing, but we want more information" So sad. So how do i do this for the next month? Go in for the information that i want to make a good informed decision, but filter out all the negativeness? Filter out that my body could be damaging my son and that they might need to "rescue" him before it is too late? I am so looking forward to meeting him, here in my house, with my hubby, without people that don't know us, don't understand us and to whom i am only a body, a patient. I don't really know what i am looking for with this thread, but i do thank you for listening (or reading
)
 

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I do *not* do well seeing doctors. I fall into the fear tactics. I wish I was one of those people who could go and be strong in my faith, but I haven't gotten there. That's why I just choose not to be around that.

I wish you many blessings and ease.
 

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Oh mama, sorry you're having to think about all of this during a time when you should be allowed to celebrate your pregnancy! We are definitely here to listen, so vent away if you need to. I don't really have much advice, just offering support and an open ear and heart
Go with your gut. You and your baby have more communication going on inside that no detailed sonogram can show. Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way! May you find peace in the rest of your pregnancy
 

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I am so sorry that this is so hard. I don't have words of wisdom. I am not sure what I would do if I were in your shoes. Would it be possible to change to a different OB? Not listening to your O date is not a good sign of things to come!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you for all your kind words. Sometimes i wish i had never learned about the antibodies because now i feel like i need to follow through and get the monitoring. It has become such a burden. And my baby's don't seem to be affected by them, for whatever reason. But that huge and very possible "what if" lurks out there and the responsiblity for my child's life. But my doctors don't seem to be willing to take a more moderate approach. Sadly, my OB is "the one" to go to in this area for natural birth/vbac.

Thus, the unassisted birth. The more i go to the doctors the more i understand and embrace UC. I am excited about meeting my little one. Writing out that long post was cathartic, thank you for listening and responding. I feel a lot of support here
 
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