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We've been having some challenges with our four year old lately, and I've just got to change something. I'm finding myself getting waaay too angry at her. She's really pushing my buttons and I'm losing ways of gaining cooperation. We try to use natural consequences as much as possible, but she's getting to the point where she's misbehaving just to get the natural consequence, which is really driving me nutty.
So, we've decided to try something completely different. I was rereading Dr. Sears "The Discipline Book" for the umpteenth time this evening, but for the first time since my daughter turned four a couple of months ago, and I found this section on Rewards Charts. There was a particularly interesting passage (to me) about tickets instead of charts. It really seems like something that might work for us. So, I wanted to just wanted to post this and see if there are some pitfalls or any other advice people can offer.
I wrote down a list of behaviors that we would like to see. I stayed completely in the positive. Like "Bonnie uses her hands in a loving way" or "Bonnie speaks gently" or "Bonnie sets the table". I have a list of 14 behaviors, some of them very easy for her to achieve mixed in with the behaviors we really want to work on - "Bonnie is respectful while others are on the phone".
So, the plan is tomorrow we're going to make a pretty sign with all the behaviors printed up on it. We'll decorate it and post it somewhere prominent. She reads, so this will help her remember what we're working on. She's very excited about getting stars. I think she's really interested in *holding* the stars more than putting them on a chart. So, what we're going to do is cut a bunch of stars out of construction paper, cover them with contact paper and give her three to start the day. I will give her one star if she does something good, hopefully this will reinforce the positive more than we've been doing lately. And, if she does something contrary to the posted list, she'll have to give a star back.
I'm trying to figure out what she's going to DO with the stars. That's where I need the most help. I have no idea how many stars she will end up with at the end of the day. I'm figuring at first it will be considerably lower than it will ultimately end up, but with practice, she'll start earning more and more. The problem with that is I want to really reinforce the positive at first, and get her motivated to earn a LOT of stars. I'm thinking we might start with 10 stars gets her a piece of candy (leftover from Halloween - one way to get rid of it!), 15 stars gets her a video, 20 stars gets her an ice cream and 25 stars gets her a trip to a restaurant. She can save or cash in her stars at any point, but must always have three left when she cashes them in (so there's some to take away if we need to).
I'm really excited about this too. She was so happy when we started talking about it, and even had some really good suggestions for the list of behaviors. (She DOES listen, as it turns out.) I'm seeing some opportunities for teaching with the stars too. "How many more do you need to get an ice cream?" learning about budgeting, delaying gratification, all sorts of things.
I'm sure we're not the first to try something like this. How has it worked for others? Is there something I'm missing? Is this too complicated? TIA!
So, we've decided to try something completely different. I was rereading Dr. Sears "The Discipline Book" for the umpteenth time this evening, but for the first time since my daughter turned four a couple of months ago, and I found this section on Rewards Charts. There was a particularly interesting passage (to me) about tickets instead of charts. It really seems like something that might work for us. So, I wanted to just wanted to post this and see if there are some pitfalls or any other advice people can offer.
I wrote down a list of behaviors that we would like to see. I stayed completely in the positive. Like "Bonnie uses her hands in a loving way" or "Bonnie speaks gently" or "Bonnie sets the table". I have a list of 14 behaviors, some of them very easy for her to achieve mixed in with the behaviors we really want to work on - "Bonnie is respectful while others are on the phone".
So, the plan is tomorrow we're going to make a pretty sign with all the behaviors printed up on it. We'll decorate it and post it somewhere prominent. She reads, so this will help her remember what we're working on. She's very excited about getting stars. I think she's really interested in *holding* the stars more than putting them on a chart. So, what we're going to do is cut a bunch of stars out of construction paper, cover them with contact paper and give her three to start the day. I will give her one star if she does something good, hopefully this will reinforce the positive more than we've been doing lately. And, if she does something contrary to the posted list, she'll have to give a star back.
I'm trying to figure out what she's going to DO with the stars. That's where I need the most help. I have no idea how many stars she will end up with at the end of the day. I'm figuring at first it will be considerably lower than it will ultimately end up, but with practice, she'll start earning more and more. The problem with that is I want to really reinforce the positive at first, and get her motivated to earn a LOT of stars. I'm thinking we might start with 10 stars gets her a piece of candy (leftover from Halloween - one way to get rid of it!), 15 stars gets her a video, 20 stars gets her an ice cream and 25 stars gets her a trip to a restaurant. She can save or cash in her stars at any point, but must always have three left when she cashes them in (so there's some to take away if we need to).
I'm really excited about this too. She was so happy when we started talking about it, and even had some really good suggestions for the list of behaviors. (She DOES listen, as it turns out.) I'm seeing some opportunities for teaching with the stars too. "How many more do you need to get an ice cream?" learning about budgeting, delaying gratification, all sorts of things.
I'm sure we're not the first to try something like this. How has it worked for others? Is there something I'm missing? Is this too complicated? TIA!