Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 34 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
734 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
When I let people know that we are TTC, and that it's been a little while, the invariably tell me to relax, and tell me NOT to try.<br><br>
I hear their stories of trying, not getting pregnant, then taking a break, or the month they didn't think they had a chance being the month they got pregnant. Or when they didn't chart...etc.<br><br>
That is not how I roll.<br><br>
I want to plan, chart and know. I want to make lots of love during my fertile time.<br><br>
I want to hear stories and TRYING and conceiving.<br><br>
(My pregnancy with my daughter would fit into the first category, wouldn't you know it!)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,052 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Last cycle I had a "omg...are we?" and I was a *little* sad bc we didn't try...I WANT TO MAKE LOVE AND TRY FOR THAT MIRACLE!!!<br><br><br>
We tried for my DS...I had it timed, and knew when to do everything. I was tracking my CM like no other! I'd see it and say...LETS GO! We'd drop everything and go right there. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy"> I know exactly what day I O'ed. We were getting ready for a little get together at a family friends house, we were both dressed ready to go, he looked at me, said he HAD to have me, and got it on. (DD was out in the living room watching tv...we had to be SO quiet!) And OF COURSE the doors were locked! LOL! SO we get to the party and the host says.."My, you are glowing..." mmmhhmmmm! Thats right! I just made a baby!!!! LOL!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,319 Posts
Ugh, seriously get you on this one. A friend of mine who was trying for 18 months, medicated, and taking a month off before starting the IVF protocol got pregnant on the month "off." She was my "partner in trying" IRL and now all I hear from her is "when you just stop trying it'll happen."<br><br>
Um, hi. I need to schedule inseminations from sperm donations with someone who is not my partner and lives almost an hour away. Please inform me as how best NOT TO TRY.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><br><br>
Also, I am extremely type A, and "not planning" just isn't my nature. Lol.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,501 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Lyndzies</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14752853"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"when you just stop trying it'll happen."</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
thats one of those *facepalm* moments like... uh, did you think that comment through before saying it? LOL
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,319 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MaerynPearl</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14752872"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">thats one of those *facepalm* moments like... uh, did you think that comment through before saying it? LOL</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
So I thought. But then when I point out the obvious to her she's all "well, I know you have to PLAN, but maybe if you just stop charting and doing all that stuff besides the inseminating... maybe that will help."<br><br>
Again... um, hi.<br><br>
Seriously, SOME PEOPLE.<br><br>
I think it has a lot to do with the fact that TTC is stressful in and of itself. You need support from people who will give you positive feedback and advice (if they're knowledgeable) not tell you what you SHOULDN'T do, or what you're doing WRONG. Sometimes it's seriously all in the phrasing.<br><br>
At least, that's my experience.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,900 Posts
Some people say it just to be encouraging and optimistic for those that have been trying for a long time and the intentions are good as dumb as the statement sounds! LOL
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,319 Posts
I definitely don't doubt the intentions... and you know what? There might even be truth to it because it's clear that stress is no good for conceiving.<br><br>
But.... I guess it's just one of those things that is impossible to see or understand until we get to be on the other side of it, maybe. At least for those of us trying for #1?<br><br>
Of course, this is all just my opinion. Everyone is different!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
720 Posts
I concur wholeheartedly.<br><br>
I THOUGHT i got to that place a month ago but now i am right back where i started.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
734 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I think people ARE well meaning, and yes, maybe there is something to relaxing...<br><br>
BUT I can't 'just relax', stop tempting, or just make love when the mood strikes!<br><br>
(Note, I am LOVING the sex marathon we are in right now - 3 days in a row - 2 more to go, though we might extend it - it's been fun!)<br><br>
I wanna have a baby and this is what we are supposed to do to do it, right?<br><br>
Or can you only get pregnant when you aren't trying??? (Note: a facetious question.)<br><br>
Please oh please, tell me you planned your pregnancy - you charted, made love during fertile times, etc. etc. and got pregnant. Please.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
630 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jenger</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14753119"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Please oh please, tell me you planned your pregnancy - you charted, made love during fertile times, etc. etc. and got pregnant. Please.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Yes, I got pregnant all 3 times exactly like this. We've been having unprotected sex for all the years we've been married and only when we've tried have I gotten pregnant. I wish I had more than one baby to show for it but I'll take what I can get.<br><br>
So trying works! You should try it!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
304 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jenger</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14753119"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think people ARE well meaning, and yes, maybe there is something to relaxing...<br><br>
BUT I can't 'just relax', stop tempting, or just make love when the mood strikes!<br><br>
(Note, I am LOVING the sex marathon we are in right now - 3 days in a row - 2 more to go, though we might extend it - it's been fun!)<br><br>
I wanna have a baby and this is what we are supposed to do to do it, right?<br><br>
Or can you only get pregnant when you aren't trying??? (Note: a facetious question.)<br><br>
Please oh please, tell me you planned your pregnancy - you charted, made love during fertile times, etc. etc. and got pregnant. Please.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Sorry...my first was a total surprise and I got pregnant with my second before even getting the chance to "try". We've been wanting a third since May but I didn't ovulate until last week so this is technically the first month I tried....DH didn't know I was ovulating though.<br><br>
I DO see the logic to letting it happen and not trying to control it down to the minute. I don't chart....I completely see the logic to it too though.<br><br>
I think anyone who's been TTC for 6 months or more should "take a month off" and see what happens. Just my opinion though!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
316 Posts
i've been on and off trying for two years.<br>
even when i take a break, nothing happens. i keep thinking i will try that "not caring" approach, but it doesn't seem to pan out.<br>
sorry to burst a bubble.<br><br>
i got pg with my daughter after five months of just having lots of sex...but you know, i was also 22. i guess it was different then the almost thirty hormone dive. i wasn't charting then, and didn't until two years ago when i started this whole thing.<br><br>
oh well.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,580 Posts
All three of my pregnanices we were charting and timing. In fact the 2nd pg we were staying with friends--normally not a BD situation for us, but when my temp was up in the am I got dh (who was already awake and elsewhere) and we DTD, while ds slept. That was probably our most unspontaneous BD ever (but still nice).<br><br>
With a 4 year old and some divergent sleep schedules it takes planning for us. Definitely not as extreme as <b>Lyndzies</b>' situation, but when people say that...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"><br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>stellamia</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14753357"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Sorry...my first was a total surprise and I got pregnant with my second before even getting the chance to "try". We've been wanting a third since May but I didn't ovulate until last week so this is technically the first month I tried....DH didn't know I was ovulating though.<br><br>
I DO see the logic to letting it happen and not trying to control it down to the minute. I don't chart....I completely see the logic to it too though.<br><br>
I think anyone who's been TTC for 6 months or more should "take a month off" and see what happens. Just my opinion though!</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Hey <b>Stellamia</b>, OP specifically asked for supportive stories. Nobody is trying to control it "down to the minute." That is an exaggeration. And there is no "logic" in letting it happen--no science to it, just folks' experiences and intuitions. We're here to support each other. Please respect that, and enjoy the support when you ask for it.<br><br>
Blessing and babydust to the timers and the chancers!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
109 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Lyndzies</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14752853"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Ugh, seriously get you on this one. A friend of mine who was trying for 18 months, medicated, and taking a month off before starting the IVF protocol got pregnant on the month "off." She was my "partner in trying" IRL and now all I hear from her is "when you just stop trying it'll happen."<br><br>
Um, hi. I need to schedule inseminations from sperm donations with someone who is not my partner and lives almost an hour away. Please inform me as how best NOT TO TRY.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><br><br>
Also, I am extremely type A, and "not planning" just isn't my nature. Lol.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I hear you!! Going to the doctor 3 times a week for monitoring, taking meds for a period and meds for the follicles, taking many pills a day (3 metformin, aspirin, 2 prenatals w/ DHA)giving myself 2 shots a day, a trigger shot, scheduling my IUI's and i am supposed to not try! You can't forget about trying or relax when you are constantly reminded by all of the above!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
304 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>WaturMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14753679"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br><br><br><br>
Hey <b>Stellamia</b>, OP specifically asked for supportive stories. Nobody is trying to control it "down to the minute." That is an exaggeration. And there is no "logic" in letting it happen--no science to it, just folks' experiences and intuitions. We're here to support each other. Please respect that, and enjoy the support when you ask for it.<br><br>
Blessing and babydust to the timers and the chancers!</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
Wow. Was that necessary? If OP is offended I will surely apologize...I wasn't trying to be negative...I think that if there IS merit in "taking a month off" she would want to know it and that IF there are success stories HERE (rather than from people admonishing her in real life) about pregnancies from "not trying", she might be interested to hear them. Obviously, millions of women get pregnant without a BBT thermometer and FF so yes, there IS logic to letting it happen. It's natural and doesn't have to be charted in every case. Do you really think tht charting is what makes it scientific?!? Ovulation happens whether you chart it or not. The science is in what's going on INSIDE of you...not in inputting you're awareness of it in a website. As for trying to time it "to the minute"...I was making a general statement because the whole POINT of charting is to try to pinpoint ovulation is it not? I wasn't implying anyone is neurotic about it or peeing on an OPK 24/7.<br><br>
As I already stated I "completely see the logic" in charting as well.I think it's a fantastic way to be aware of your body, your cycle and your fertility. I can see both sides here.<br><br>
I've had nothing but pleasant experiences so far here on MDC and I don't need you to tell me to be respectful or supportive.<br><br>
Jenger: I'm truly sorry if my post was totally un-helpful! Reading that your first pregnancy was from "not trying" made me think it'd be ok to share my story too.....it wasn't meant to be mean. I think charting is a very smart way to go about baby making and I've heard MANY success stores from it! Have you looked at all the charts on FF where women got pregnant? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,755 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jessica_s</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14753356"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">So trying works! You should try it!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
well, i've been on this board since march, and i have seen many many MANY graduates who tried, complete with charting and temping and obsessing. if you watch the ONE thread for a nice long while, you will see many graduates who tried and conceived.<br><br>
also, to not just cite people on this board, 4 of my friends have conceived while trying - charting, OPKs, whatever, but seriously trying and keeping track. 2 of them after more than a year of that!!<br><br>
i hate when people say to not try. that's the FIRST thing people say if you mention you're trying. it's like something in them automatically screams, WAIT STOP! THAT'S NOT HOW YOU DO IT! which is just dumb. there is NO WAY that "trying" can really keep you from getting pregnant. i mean, that's ridiculous - honestly, it ensures you're getting the sperm there at the right time. obviously stress is contraindicated, but if you couldn't conceive despite being stressed out as hell no one would have more than one child, unless it was a multiple birth. i totally agree that one should try to be calm about it and stuff, but honestly, if i wasn't charting, most months we wouldn't be DTD close enough to O to even have a shot... so i don't see how in my situation "not trying" would be useful at all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
286 Posts
Well, this is my experience. First time we tried charting and all, got pregnant, lost it at 10 weeks. 3 months later just started not using condoms, got pregnant with ds. I don't even remember "doing it" the month he was conceived and I didn't believe I was pregnant until dh forced me to take a test!<br><br>
We decided to ttc again in October, no charting, but yeah paying attention to fertility signs and guessing when I would O. So kind of planning. We got pregnant again, but lost it at about 4 or 5 weeks. I don't know what the deal is with me, but I feel like if I am actively planning or trying at all I'll end up losing it, but we've always gotten pregnant, I guess whether we try or not.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,148 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>WaturMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14753679"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hey <b>Stellamia</b>, OP specifically asked for supportive stories. Nobody is trying to control it "down to the minute." That is an exaggeration. And there is no "logic" in letting it happen--no science to it, just folks' experiences and intuitions. We're here to support each other. Please respect that, and enjoy the support when you ask for it.<br><br>
Blessing and babydust to the timers and the chancers!</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Yikes! Keep that bad juju out of the TTC forums, please! I didn't see anything wrong with her comment, but I'm feeling squicky about the direction you're taking this in. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="huh"> This is a nice, friendly and respectful place, and I don't think <b>stellamia</b> said anything to offend at all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,227 Posts
Jenger, my close friend tried for all three of her kids and got pregnant. The only thing is, it happened really soon once they were trying (like, first month), which of course is a little vexing for me since my DD was an "oops" and now that we're TTC #2, it aint happenin'. We try, the eggs hide, we don't try, the egg is all friendly, go figure <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">. But I agree with a PP, I have been hanging around here long enough to have seen lots of "tryers" get pregnant. I don't see how I could ever "not try" now, day one of my period is CD1, I can count, I know when I see CM, I'm not sure how I can become blind to the signs like I was before I started TTC, y'know?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,580 Posts
I don't want to derail this thread, so I hope after this we can go back to charting success stories. (Yay charting success stories!) I just want to say that I can see how my note came off much harsher than intended--for example, I meant it to be a gentle "hey" and I can see easily how it could come off as more of a "hey you!" I wish I'd written it differently. I'm tempted to delete that part of my note, but that seems like it could really make this thread confusing. So I'm sending lots of good, good, fertile, sweet, supportive, tolerant, low-stress-however-works-for-each-woman juju to all of us TTC.
 
1 - 20 of 34 Posts
Top