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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
DD was dx'd with asperger's/PDD YEARS ago--(she's now nearly 10) Ok..she's outrageously smart but quirky and..well..just plain odd sometimes. I'm her mom and I can admit that. when she was younger, the other kids just went with it, but now she's older and her eccentricities are less accepted.<br>
My question:<br>
How much do I try to influence her in what she says and does in order to be more "accepted"?--more "normal" if you will. In particular--clothing. I hate the new mid driff baring, low cut jeans stuff I see in the VERY young set,and I have never been one of the "cool" crowd. BUT when dd insists on wearing purple flower leggings , a striped top and boots on an 80 degree day she looks out of whack and further separates her from the rest of the kids.<br><br>
Do I make her change? Do I let her dress as she wants to dress?Should I help her try to fit in more? I don't want her to equate coolness with the "right" clothes. I don't want her to be sucked in to the popularity rat race..but should I exert more influence in an attempt to make her look more normal? We work on her public actions/speaking patterns to help her fit in..why not clothing too?<br><br>
Aggghhh...I'm stuck.
 

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I'm actually trying to find my way on this as well. My son with autism is 6. He is doing very well and is standing on the edges of acceptance with his school peers. In other words, they accept him as long as he doesn't do anything too odd. On the clothing issue, I'm okay with letting him have freedom in choosing unless I feel it's going to make him a target. Snow boots in 80 degree weather aren't that "off" compared to some of the shoes I've seen kids wear, but his sister's pink belt was a definite "no."<br><br>
I'm happy that my son is the unique individual that he is, but not going along with the crowd should be a choice. Since my son doesn't have a choice about fitting in with so many things, this is one where I try to smooth things along when I think it's truly necessary.<br><br>
Tara
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I really liked your phrasing, standing on "the edge of acceptance". That so matches where my daughter is.
 

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I once read an adult autistic's website, can't remember where... and one of the things he said he wanted parents of autistic (spectrum) kids to do is to try like hell (I'm paraphrasing!) to avoid their kids getting the idea that they're broken and in need of fixing. He said he was all in favor of helping kids with strategies to get by in the neurotypical world, but not telling them that they had to change themselves to be ok, to be accepted.<br><br>
So, what about taking this approach with your daughter, saying hey, you're different. Your brain works in a different and wonderful way, that's one of the reasons you're so brilliant. Most people's brains don't work like yours. Let's talk about some things that might help you get along in this neurotypical world. (which you're already doing with the speaking patterns etc) One thing is, people tend to feel comfortable around other people who are similar to them, who appear to want to be the same as them. One of the ways people do this, especially at school, is to wear similar types of clothes etc etc etc. Then you could leave the clothing decisions up to her, while still being sure that you are helping her with tools to be more included if she wants to be.<br><br>
hth<br>
liz.
 
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