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<p>We JUST found out we're moving back to our old house, cross-country in 2-4 weeks. I'm due in July and we live in a rural-ish area (in WI) on a small acreage and I have this "crazy" dream of UCing outside and the timing will hypothetically be perfect, warm July weather. :)<br><br>
Buts are: we have a well that is funky -- intermittent water issues. So big water birth tub may or may not work and that's how I survived/relaxed during my other two labors. May or may not be necessary if I'm able to relax better at home, other two were hospital and birth center.<br>
Distance to hospital with ER and maternity ward, in case of emergency: 15 minutes. How far is too far? Mamas who've UC'd, what are you comfort zones for emergency transfers?<br><br>
Another interesting twist, I keep coming back to trying to figure out in my head if I'm wanting to do this because I can do it and I want to do it PERIOD or how much of my motivation is financial - based on spending many thousands of dollars on two pregnancies in which the midwives did almost nothing. My first baby, the midwife held my hand when my husband used the bathroom, checked progress, cut umbili. cord and sewed a up a 1st degree tear (probably not even necessary...), didn't use the nursery AT ALL and paid thousands of dollars for it anyway. Second baby, the midwife checked progress once, filled birth pool, showed husband how to cut cord, and watched. Both babies we're 10/10 apgar, nothing necessary but a good rub.<br>
If I hire a midwife this time, I know I'll be spending thousands of dollars of "insurance," just in case they need to transfer me (it might be "easier") or give me pit for bleeding. And more than likely, they'll be doing next to nothing. I don't NEED a midwife... unless I bleed out.  Or the baby needs oxygen. Both of which, ya know, rarely happen statistically in a low risk pregnancy.<br><br>
So how have you ladies weighed the "risks" versus trusting nature to work correctly. How did you decide?<br>
For those of you that have found midwives that are willing to be there but in another room, how much do you pay them for being available but not "working"? Or showing up just to check afterwards only? How do you ask them or find someone willing? (Keeping in mind, I'll be moving to the area past the halfway mark in the pregnancy and don't personally know ANY midwives in the area who do homebirths...yet?)<br><br>
Thanks in advance for your two cents :)</p>
 

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<p>I didn't have a waterbirth last time and don't want one this time. I don't tell women they shouldn't have them, but I'm personally against using water for my births. It can sometimes stall labor and the way I see it, I'm not *supposed* to give birth in water. I'm a human. Humans give birth on land. I don't like to introduce anything that's not natural into my births because as we have all seen, it often has a way of causing issues. I know a lot of women love water birth and I don't discourage them, but aside from maybe a hot shower once or twice in labor I stay out of the water, no matter how much it hurts and my last birth was with a posterior baby, so it was just about as bad as it can get. <span><img alt="lol.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1330248578300_161" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/lol.gif"></span> There was not one single relaxation technique that worked for me and that was really bad because not having anything that worked last time made me panic. Panic isn't good. It was full-throttle pain with no relief.</p>
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<p>I have done the pain and I am not scared of it anymore. I don't even consider relaxation techniques anymore. Don't need 'em. I realized that all of the pain relief techniques I was obsessed with learning were because I was coming from a place of fear. I was afraid of pain, no matter how I swore up and down that birth didn't scare me. It did. I think a lot of women who go the natural/home birth route come from a place of fear without even realizing it. I realize now that pain is okay and I embrace it. Nature gave me what I needed to get through it, so I'll do it the same way again this time. I'm not scared anymore. Birth is going to kick my ass and that's okay. We're strong and we can do it. <span><img alt="thumb.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1330248578300_302" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif"> Being afraid of it is only going to make the birth go worse.</span></p>
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<p>I prefer being within 30 minutes of a hospital, but that's not going to be the case this time. Our new house is 45 minutes from the emergency room when it's 3am and no one is on the road (we had to go several months ago for a non-pregnancy related emergency). I hate that it's that far away, but I'm 100% confident now in my birth skills, plus we live right down the road from ambulance dispatch, so if I do need help, EMTs will at least be able to get here fast.</p>
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<p>The biggest issue I have is my 4 y/o daughter. I needed a backup plan for her. If I have to transfer, we can't care for her as well. My husband can't do what he needs to for both of us. For my backup plan, I have a friend who used to be a midwife but hasn't practiced in years who will be coming to stay in our guest room. She will help take care of my little girl while I'm in labor and if we need to transfer, she will babysit. She will not be anywhere I can see or hear her. If she is unable to make it for some reason, I have another friend as my backup backup childcare, so I think we're set. Having emergency childcare is super important to me and rarely something that I see other UC moms think of in advance.</p>
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<p>While I support women who want midwives at their births, I also completely agree with Michel Odent: midwives might as well be doctors in most cases. I went to hear him speak a few months ago and he said he was surprised that so many home birthing women consider their births to be "natural." It's not natural, he says. When you have two midwives up your vagina checking you every few minutes, people watching you, sounds all around you, people asking you questions, making suggestions or telling you what to do, video cameras going, cameras flashing, a freaked-out husband doing his best to pretend to be strong for you - you almost might as well be in the hospital.</p>
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<p>A woman, like all mammals, labors easiest and fastest when left completely alone, with NO ONE watching her. Michel says the things women need most in labor are silence, to feel safe, to be warm, to not be watched and to have darkness. Having done it before, I have to say I completely agree! When a woman is unobserved, there is almost no risk, he says. The baby just comes out, "it's as simple as that." He claims he does not see complications in births where the women are completely unobserved and he believes that midwives should be silent and low-profile, not looking at or touching the mother until the baby emerges.</p>
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<p>Originally, I had tried to get a midwife to be here and just be in the other room. I did have one (she is free and did my prenatal care for both pregnancies) but her DIL just had a baby and she's leaving the country to go be with her, so she won't be here for my birth. I'm actually feeling a lot better knowing she won't be here. I was upset, but now, a few weeks later, it seems like a huge weight off my chest that I didn't even realize was there.</p>
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<p>I'm a big Michel Odent fan, however, and that makes a lot of my ideas in the home birth/unassisted birth community not quite popular. I don't personally prefer the earthy-birthy stuff. I like it simple: take good care of yourself, learn how to handle complications, have a simple backup plan in place, hunker down, labor alone and tough it out. Yeah, it freakin' hurts and that's okay. Baby will come out and the easier and sooner the better. Facilitate immediate bonding and just breathe. Do nothing extra.</p>
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<p>I hope you have the most incredible birth ever, no matter how you do it! <span><img alt="luxlove.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1330248578300_440" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/luxlove.gif"></span></p>
 

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<p>I live 20 minutes from the nearest hospital in good weather/traffic. To me that is very close because we used to be 35 miles out! Now my neighbor whose DH is an ER doc is a HB advocate but thinks the distance has to be 10 minutes or less so they no longer have HB births, she attempted a secret UC last time but it didn't happen. I'm totally fine with UC, DH never was, we had one and even after it, he freaked out. Last baby I hired a MW to just be in the house for the birth for DH but to do nothing with me unless I asked. The fee for that was 2K. I paid 1K to the same MW to be on-call for my UC if I needed anything, again for DH. I just interviewed different MWs and felt out their style, their comfort level, and then told them what I was looking for. An arrangement like I wanted was out of the comfort level of most and this MW that I ended up hiring was the only one in the entire area that does this. It was fine, I never needed her for anything, could of saved 3K, but also 3k was worth not having calm DH down constantly. </p>
 
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>amberskyfire</strong> <a href="/community/t/1345356/trying-to-decide-any-advice#post_16891502"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p>I didn't have a waterbirth last time and don't want one this time. I don't tell women they shouldn't have them, but I'm personally against using water for my births. It can sometimes stall labor and the way I see it, I'm not *supposed* to give birth in water. I'm a human. Humans give birth on land. I don't like to introduce anything that's not natural into my births because as we have all seen, it often has a way of causing issues. I know a lot of women love water birth and I don't discourage them, but aside from maybe a hot shower once or twice in labor I stay out of the water, no matter</p>
<p>....</p>
<p>We're strong and we can do it. <span><img alt="thumb.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1330248578300_302" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif"> Being afraid of it is only going to make the birth go worse.</span></p>
<p>...</p>
<p>I prefer being within 30 minutes of a hospital, but that's not going to be the case this time. Our new house is 45 minutes from the emergency room when it's 3am and no one is on the road (we had to go several months ago for a non-pregnancy related emergency). I hate that it's that far away, but I'm 100% confident now in my birth skills, plus we live right down the road from ambulance dispatch, so if I do need help, EMTs will at least be able to get here fast.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p> He claims he does not see complications in births where the women are completely unobserved and he believes that midwives should be silent and low-profile, not looking at or touching the mother until the baby emerges.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>I'm a big Michel Odent fan, however, and that makes a lot of my ideas in the home birth/unassisted birth community not quite popular. I don't personally prefer the earthy-birthy stuff. I like it simple: take good care of yourself, learn how to handle complications, have a simple backup plan in place, hunker down, labor alone and tough it out. Yeah, it freakin' hurts and that's okay. Baby will come out and the easier and sooner the better. Facilitate immediate bonding and just breathe. Do nothing extra.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I hope you have the most incredible birth ever, no matter how you do it! <span><img alt="luxlove.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1330248578300_440" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/luxlove.gif"></span></p>
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<br><br><p>I hear what you're saying about the water birth thing.... and that's just it... I suspect that if I was more relaxed/less watched in a strange place, I wouldn't "need" the water. But I DO think that it's only natural to assume that at least SOME people that have lived by water would birth in or near the water. Whether it's appropriate for everyone is definitely up for debate :)<br>
And I hear ya also about many women who seem to be relaxation technique driven and technique dependent. Someone I know did the whole 9 yards of expensive Bradley techniques for months and nothing "worked" to make the pain go away in labor so she ended up with severe bleeding at the end, probably because of panic and interventions... For me, my first midwife was wary that I was only taking the non-informative hospital "class" and reading... and then she was shocked that I was handling it so well, cocooning and silent wanting no interruptions including talking from anyone. Big surprise right?! LOL I'm NOT technique driven at all, but water REALLY did help me in the two labors so far... bath - napping for the first, and pool - relaxing and birth for the second. I'm wondering if I "need" if I'm alone though. I won't know until I try I guess...<br>
I do love Michel Odent also. I mean that's why I don't want to pay someone to not do anything. I really appreciate you reminding me that NOT having someone there is really MORE natural than having someone "supervising" or watching.<br>
I have considered childcare. That's why it's actually going to be possible this time around, we'll finally be near family again. I wouldn't trust leaving me older kids with neighbors (I've never had those kind of great neighbors...) so being close to family is important for this decision. It will just come down to WHO would be supportive enough and leave me alone :)<br>
Why, in your opinion, is 30 minutes ok but 45 isn't? Wouldn't the scenarios for transfer probably require attention in less time than BOTH of those? It seems to me, that if I'm really really going in, it's going to be for bleeding and fainting or cord/placenta problems or baby stuck halfway or something... ya know, worst case scenarios, in which 5 minutes may be too long, much less 30. <br>
Thanks for the support!</p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Peony</strong> <a href="/community/t/1345356/trying-to-decide-any-advice#post_16891535"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p>I live 20 minutes from the nearest hospital in good weather/traffic. To me that is very close because we used to be 35 miles out! Now my neighbor whose DH is an ER doc is a HB advocate but thinks the distance has to be 10 minutes or less so they no longer have HB births, she attempted a secret UC last time but it didn't happen. I'm totally fine with UC, DH never was, we had one and even after it, he freaked out. Last baby I hired a MW to just be in the house for the birth for DH but to do nothing with me unless I asked. The fee for that was 2K. I paid 1K to the same MW to be on-call for my UC if I needed anything, again for DH. I just interviewed different MWs and felt out their style, their comfort level, and then told them what I was looking for. An arrangement like I wanted was out of the comfort level of most and this MW that I ended up hiring was the only one in the entire area that does this. It was fine, I never needed her for anything, could of saved 3K, but also 3k was worth not having calm DH down constantly. </p>
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<p>See that's more of the time frame I was expecting... 10 minutes response time from EMTs or 10 minutes from ER. So I'm not surprised that is what the ER doc says lol. I mean for severe bleeding that can't be controlled at home, 10 minutes is a long time. And 40 minutes could easily be mortality. I wouldn't be going in *just* for an epidural... it'd be for worst case scenario YKWIM?<br>
You're lucky you found a MW to help you!! That's what I'm worried about. How did you express what you wanted and then reject so many MWs without being offensive? Perhaps it's only in my area, but it seems like many MWs take it personally if you choose NOT to see them. I guess I shouldn't care :) That's probably what it's coming down to :) If I use a MW at all.<br>
Thanks for sharing!<br>
I'm getting really excited now that we're 2 weeks away from MOVING DAY! :) Then I can feel like I can start laying out realistic plans!</p>
 

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<p>The MW and I would mutually agree that it would not be a good fit. One I did/do know professionally, she took it a little harder but despite what she says, it would not of worked out well and we are still on good terms today. </p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
<p>thanks peony :) i guess i just gotta get up there and starting talking to people :)</p>
 
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