[Autoemesiss]

Hi all,

I have a confession to make. Before coming here and before having DD I've taken care of kids, for most of my life, a certain way. I was confidant in my beliefs and had good results. Until my daughter was born.

When she was born, I did everything I had been taught to do, CIO (yes, even the first week) and schedule, schedule and schedule EVERYTHING. As a result, I couldn't get a latch, lost most of my milk supply and haven't gotten it back, and now have my daughter on a schedule for everything and just about everything was a battle. Two months ago, I joined a support group because I was terrilby depressed about having to suppliement bfing and was introduced to a much gentler way of caring for my dd. Thanks to the support group and now to this forum, I am finding it much easier to take care of my dd. I don't let her cry, and now she takes naps! She laughs more and is fun to be around. Our bond has deepend greatly.

I think back at what I have done and am so ashamed. Part of me says, serves you right for doing what you did, but another part of me says I need to just move forward. Each day I hope that my guilt, for not being able to completely BF my DD, will heal over a little more, but it hasn't. I've said it before, but I feel like my heart has been shredded by the way we did things at first and now my heart is raw and I can't seem to get better. Has anyone else felt this way? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to overcome this?

Sue

 

[Ammaarah]

It sounds to me like you are overcoming it, slowly. Try to forgive yourself for what is past. It sounds like you are really making changes that are helping your daughter and also good for you! I just wanted to give you a hug Mama.

I have had similar dark, raw feelings regarding my daughter's birth and the aftermath, and what I felt I had allowed to happen to her, and it turned into PPD for me. My regret is not getting help for it. Luckily, it ran its course after a few months. If you find yourself unable to forgive yourself for past mistakes, please get some kind of help, whether it's talking to clergy, a counselor, meds, getting out of the house...whatever therapy is right for you.

 

[onlyboys]

Wow! You are amazing! What a super quick turn around on your beliefs! Imagine if you had not realized until your daughter was 5?! You're terrific!

I have one issue that I chose for my first son that I still (10 years later) feel guilt for. I think of it every single day and I am so very thankful for it, because my mistake with him protected the rest of my sweet babies. My guilt saved the rest of my children from that choice.

Go forward from here. I've never used a schedule and so I don't know how to go about undoing one. But, here are my suggestions: get a sling, bring her into your bed and enjoy her! Enjoy being her mama! But the schedule to the side, if it bothers you and just BE.

 

[EVC]

Please don't beat yourself up, mama. When we know better, we do better. Good for your for being so open to learn new ways! You are a WONDERFUL mama for that!

 

[Faithful Mommy]

I agree with pp. I too love to have schedules and make sure the entire day goes smoothly ( I managed a hotel for crying out loud... I need schedules) but when ds was born that had to go! Little by little I have learned to go with the flow (his flow that is) and it makes my day so much easier. I'm sorry that it took what it did for you to realize.... but we "live and learn"... right?? I believe that even after everything your dd is in great hands! Love her, sleep with her, take her everywhere with you, and she'll feel loved no matter what mistakes or issues you guys have encountered!! You guys are a team and believe it or not.... she knows this!!

Lots of love to you Mama

 

[justplainbecky]

I totally understand! With my first son I was so 'have to schedule and let him be independent..'etc and after a few months I realized it was all crap, and that I needed to follow my instincs. Thats what I did, but I do still feel guilty for those first few months of struggling to breastfeed, supplementing, using disposie diapers, and letting him cry sometimes.

ITs ok mama, we have to forge ahead and know that if you follow your instincs, you'll be a fabulous parent.

 

[Sharondio]

"When you know better, you do better."
-- Maya Angelou

Forgive yourself. You did what you thought was right at the time. Now you know better, and you're doing something different now. Few things are as ingrained as our parenting habits or as tied to our self esteem. Give yourself some credit for having the strength to see where something wasn't working and change.

 

[Fyrestorm]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharondio "When you know better, you do better." -- Maya Angelou

Good work Mama!! Just remember that regrets get you nowhere and you just gotta keep moving on.

PS. I'm in CT too!

 

[grumpyshoegirl]

Hey, it's a learning process for everything. Maya Angelou has a quote that I really like, though darned if I can remember it word for word right now.

Something like, "You do what you know. When you know better, you do better."

Kudos to you for becoming responsive to your baby's needs.

 

[mothragirl]

congrats for realizing your instincts! now you and your DC can have fun. there are ways to get your BM supply up too!

 

[wendizbaby]

Wendi

 

[Dido]

Post in the breastfeeding challenges forum! You will get lots of great suggestions for building milk supply (and tossing out the schedules and feeding on demand is definitely the most important step). There's a good chance you can work your way out of the "supplement" hole...lots of women have.