[mirthfulmum]

Oh I am feeling so bad about this.

My youngest of 2 boys (almost 18 months) has taken to banging his head on purpose just to get my attention

. I've watched him do it several times. He'll be pulling at my leg, "mommy, mommy, mommy", I'll respond with "yes honey, let me finish this I'll pick you up soon". Sometimes he'll wait, sometimes he'll keep pulling on my leg and sometimes he gets down on all fours and bonks his head on the floor. Just once. Then he gets up and says "Ow! mommy bonk!" and does a little whine. It's this intentional head banging that has me worried.

I feel terrible that it's an indicator that he's not getting the attention he needs. And he's associating that the best way to get mom's attention is when you're hurt. Ugh. Just writing this out is making my heart sink.

So how can I nip this hurting himself just to get my attention thing. I don't want to ignore him if he's hurt, but if I give him attention when he bonks his head on purpose aren't I just validating his "mom only pays attention to me if I'm hurt" theory?

I'm hoping someone out there's got some good advice. I'm not sure what to do.

 

[Shiloh]

well he does it cause it works.
so ....

but I suggest play therapy ASAP.
my dd was a headbanger....
play therapy rocks as its 30-60 minutes just you and him, giving him all the attention he needs, playing and learning about each other. Nip it in the bud now and it won't take that long!

 

[Leatherette]

Is that the only time he bonks? I ask because my son would purposely bonk his head for about 6 months, then he stopped. I was a stay at home mom, he was my first, he had total attention. He was not doing it for attention. I think it is a developmental thing that a lot of toddlers do (I am talking one bonk per occurrence, not repeated head-banging). Perhaps your son is doing it for some other reason, but is also reacting to your reaction, and trying to use it to his advantage.

L.

I don't think you should feel bad that he thinks being hurt is a way to get your attention. Of course it is, and it is a simple enough concept for him to understand, so he acts on it.

 

[NaomiLorelie]

I agree with Shiloh. He's doing it because it works. And don't beat yourself up too much. You can't always pick him up the moment he asks, and you do acknowledge him when he firsts asks. You aren't ignoring him.