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I have some great friends who are very mindful parents (cloth diaper, extended bf, ap, etc..) but they're starting to drive me a little nuts with what I would call hypocricy for lack of a better term.<br><br>
They refuse to let their dd swim in a public pool because of the chlorine. That's fine, their choice. I've researched this, and am comfortable with letting my ds swim at the public pool once or twice a week during the summer.<br><br>
The thing that gets me is that they have their dd (2.5yo, roughly 27lbs and 35 in.) FF in an improperly installed carseat. It isn't tethered and her straps are usually all twisted and loose.<br><br>
They also only eat organic and have all natural toys for their dd...which I think is fabulous, but the mom is due with their second in august and drinks 3-4 beers or 2-3 glasses of wine everytime we get together with them (which for a while there was almost every night). She also rides a motorcycle without a helmet and PREGNANT!<br><br>
This is really starting to get to me. I've expressed my concern about her riding the motorcycle and she seemed to take it to heart...but she's still doing it.<br><br>
Am I being super judgemental here...I know I'm being a little judgemental <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">, but this family seems to have their safety concerns all out of whack imo. I litterally feel sick when I see the mom drink (I know alcohol in moderation during pregnancy is fine, but this seems in excess to me), or when they put their dd in her car seat, or when she's riding the motorcycle. It's making me not want to be around them.<br><br>
Should I say something? WWYD?
 

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Have you tried sharing general "carseat safety" literature (pamphlets or internet links) with her?<br><br>
Remember that a 2yo CAN be legally and safely buckled in FF, even though she's be safer RF. And not all seats need to be tethered in- they can be installed with the vehicle seatbelts too. But the loose and twisted straps do need to be fixed.<br><br>
BTW, I don't see any hypocracy here. I see a very serious concern about health, but not so much about safety/accident prevention. They're very concerned about chemicals in the environment- organic foods, avoiding chlorine, etc. These are the things that build up over time and potentially cause damage each and every time you're exposed. They're "less cautious than mainstream" about vehicular safety. This is the stuff that you can completely ignore 1000 times with no ill effect, but ONE accident and you could be dead.
 

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You can call it judgmental but I think you've reached that "do I really have a value system in common with these people" stage of your friendship. Sounds like they are smart enough to know better but are choosing these choices - everyone knows you don't drink a lot while pregnant.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ruthla</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13909783"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Have you tried sharing general "carseat safety" literature (pamphlets or internet links) with her?<br><br>
Remember that a 2yo CAN be legally and safely buckled in FF, even though she's be safer RF. And not all seats need to be tethered in- they can be installed with the vehicle seatbelts too. But the loose and twisted straps do need to be fixed.<br><br>
BTW, I don't see any hypocracy here. I see a very serious concern about health, but not so much about safety/accident prevention. They're very concerned about chemicals in the environment- organic foods, avoiding chlorine, etc. These are the things that build up over time and potentially cause damage each and every time you're exposed. They're "less cautious than mainstream" about vehicular safety. This is the stuff that you can completely ignore 1000 times with no ill effect, but ONE accident and you could be dead.</div>
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I've shared carseat safety with her indirectly over facebook. I'm always posting links to videos and articles and whatnot. I haven't had the courage to approach them directly about it...but I'm working on it.<br><br>
I guess it just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me to be concerned about one form of safety (environmental), but not another (vehicualar). It really bothers me for some reason
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Sparks*</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13909840"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I've shared carseat safety with her indirectly over facebook. I'm always posting links to videos and articles and whatnot. I haven't had the courage to approach them directly about it...but I'm working on it.<br><br>
I guess it just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me to be concerned about one form of safety (environmental), but not another (vehicualar). It really bothers me for some reason</div>
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I dont have an answer for them, but personally, Im much more "safety minded" when it comes to environmental things than vehicular. Ive just recently started even THINKING about car safety. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: I honestly never gave it a thought, I guess I always figured hey, a car seat is a car seat, a seat belt is a seat belt. Just like my best friend just kinda figures a birth with an ob is a birth nonetheless and Im left standing scratching my head... How could she not THINK about X, Y, and Z....<br><br>
I know Im not car safety minded enough, but I can realize this NOW and Im working on getting better. Keep doing what your doing. The facebook links etc. I would never have thought twice about car seat safety stuff had I not heard my SIL mention it random times.....I honestly didnt even know there was such a safety oriented group/part of MDC! and Ive been a member for HOW long??!!!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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I think it bothers you because you care about her kids and you're scared for them.<br><br>
But I can completely understand how they can be so concerened about "health" but not "safety"- they're just completely different kinds of worries. I've seen plenty of parents who are the complete opposite- super-concerned about carseat safety, won't even use a motorcycle, but not at all worried about chemicals in food, think that if something is marketed for babies it must be safe for them, etc.<br><br>
3-4 beers a night? That somehow seems hypcritcal compared to the chemical concerns. Are they at least organic beers? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> I know I've seen studies that half a serving of alcohol a day is safe for pg mamas, and moderate alcohol consumption has always been the case in Europe, but that DOES seem excessive. I don't agree with those who freak out about a pg woman having a few sips of alcohol!
 

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I'm not sure it's really an issue of understanding "logic." Of course, they have access to information about the risks of alcohol consumption during pregnancy, and the risks of riding a motorcycle without a helmet. They also, clearly, have been exposed to information about risks of exposure to certain environmental chemicals. The way they weigh these discrete pieces of information, however, is based on something none of us know. Perhaps she's never met someone with FAS, but does know someone who is violently allergic to chlorine. Perhaps she's never met anyone who's been crippled or killed in an auto or motorcycle accident, but does know someone who is symptomatic to non-organic food. It may be that, regardless of how compelling the information is, she's just not able to take it in without some personal experience to go along with it, and her personal experiences have been somewhat unusual.<br><br>
I can't say it wouldn't bother me though. I mean, I don't see that riding a motorcycle without a helmet is somehow *worse* when you're pregnant than when you're not, but otherwise, I think I'd feel about like you do, or worse. I think I'd have to say "I'm sorry, I enjoy getting together with you, but I can't watch you drink while pregnant anymore."
 
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