TTC 30+ for what seems like an eternity... November Chat
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Korin, I'm touched b y your support. Thanks for thinking of us (you too Velvet!)
I have to say, seeing November took my breath away. Is it really November already? Just waiting for an official flow to start so I can make my phone call to get drugs. Waiting, waiting, waiting.
One of my friends is having a baby today. She's one of the insensitive ones, but I have managed to put that aside because I still like her. I still remember her telling me she was pregnant so soon after we'd lost our baby. Here she is giving birth. That's how long it's been. I wonder if I will always feel a sense of sadness this time of the year. I was so happy last year. I was pregnant at Thanksgiving. I have the photos to prove it. But in a way, it's like it never even happened. It's just something I made up in my head.
I have to say, seeing November took my breath away. Is it really November already? Just waiting for an official flow to start so I can make my phone call to get drugs. Waiting, waiting, waiting.
One of my friends is having a baby today. She's one of the insensitive ones, but I have managed to put that aside because I still like her. I still remember her telling me she was pregnant so soon after we'd lost our baby. Here she is giving birth. That's how long it's been. I wonder if I will always feel a sense of sadness this time of the year. I was so happy last year. I was pregnant at Thanksgiving. I have the photos to prove it. But in a way, it's like it never even happened. It's just something I made up in my head.
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Hil,
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Brenda, is this definately pre-AF spotting? Could it be anything else? Still hoping for you!
Brenda, is this definately pre-AF spotting? Could it be anything else? Still hoping for you!
Jamie~ You are right once again....might NOT be pre-AF spotting. It was only just a tiny bit yesterday and so far nothing today. My temps are still up, so here's to still hoping.... How are you doing? Temps still high? Any symptoms yet? I have HUGE hopes for you this month!
Korin~ Thanks for a new thread.
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Don't go anywhere. We would ALL miss you! Velvet~ You stay here too! Don't even think of leaving us!
Ary~
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Korin~ Thanks for a new thread.
Ary~
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What Korin said. I've been stalking this thread for more than a year now (that went fast!)
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I still have high temps. AF is officially late today - course, that may not mean anything since I took Clomid this cycle.....
The only 'symptom' I have is a definate lack of PMS symptoms.
The only 'symptom' I have is a definate lack of PMS symptoms.
I'm still
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: for Mom2Ellis, djs_girls517 and anyone else in the 2ww I missed.
And a big
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for everyone who needs it.
I went to my appt yesterday and forgot to ask about IUI
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I go back in 4 weeks and I will really write it down this time. I'm trying Clomid again this month and getting my progesterone tested during this cycle to see if something is wrong there. I also went on the wait list for my lap, which will probably be 3-6 months before I can get it done. I'm okay with that and am hoping that I wont end up needing one...
And a big
I went to my appt yesterday and forgot to ask about IUI
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Quote:
So I know I said I was lurking but I had to chime in...
Hil - I feel the same way. This time last year I was in California while Brett was in Barrow and I was pregnant. I guess my situation was a little different though. My tests looked weird. Not negative but not blatantly positive. I felt pregnant but only one or two people knew what was up. Thanksgiving day I gushed. There was no doubt in my mind of what it was then. I couldn't even stand up without copius amounts of tissue falling. It was horrible. I was in a way lucky though. I never knew as an absolute fact that I was indeed pregnant (aka denial for the sake of self preservation) so it wasn't as hurtful as it would have been had I known for a fact. Still. I felt horrendously alone although I had family with me. I wished Brett could have been there. Anyway, I felt like a faker saying I was pregnant and I felt like a faker afterwards. Honestly, I still feel like a faker.
We had a bfp in late July/early August. Just when I thought I might be able to admit it to myself and others I started bleeding again. Once again I felt/feel like a faker.
I'm sorry, Hil. It wasn't in your head.
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I'm really sorry about so many of your friends being insensitive. I'd like to punch them all in the teeth.
I need to explain a bit on why I've been wanting to retreat. But I have to get the boy off to school.
Originally Posted by Ary99 .....I was so happy last year. I was pregnant at Thanksgiving. I have the photos to prove it. But in a way, it's like it never even happened. It's just something I made up in my head. |
Hil - I feel the same way. This time last year I was in California while Brett was in Barrow and I was pregnant. I guess my situation was a little different though. My tests looked weird. Not negative but not blatantly positive. I felt pregnant but only one or two people knew what was up. Thanksgiving day I gushed. There was no doubt in my mind of what it was then. I couldn't even stand up without copius amounts of tissue falling. It was horrible. I was in a way lucky though. I never knew as an absolute fact that I was indeed pregnant (aka denial for the sake of self preservation) so it wasn't as hurtful as it would have been had I known for a fact. Still. I felt horrendously alone although I had family with me. I wished Brett could have been there. Anyway, I felt like a faker saying I was pregnant and I felt like a faker afterwards. Honestly, I still feel like a faker.
We had a bfp in late July/early August. Just when I thought I might be able to admit it to myself and others I started bleeding again. Once again I felt/feel like a faker.
I'm sorry, Hil. It wasn't in your head.
I need to explain a bit on why I've been wanting to retreat. But I have to get the boy off to school.
Johanna~ I just wanted to bawl while I read your post.
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I am so sorry that happened to you, and it brought back some memories of when I first got pregnant with my son. The only difference is that my story has a happy ending. And I don't want to sound insensitive. I didn't even know I was pregnant at the time, and we (both sides of the family) were on a ski trip. I woke up to gushing blood all over the bed, down my legs, just plain everywhere. I had no idea what was going on. I never even suspected a pregnancy or a miscarriage. I bled like that for a couple of days and then it stopped. I finally figured out that I was pregnant, and now I wonder if it may have been a twin that I miscarried. I'll never know.
Mimid~ I'm not sure I'll test again. Like Jamie, I have no PMS symptoms. No cramping, no emotional stuff going on, no skin breakouts...but for some reason I just KNOW AF is around the corner and I don't want to get my hopes up again. I have already taken 2 tests this month, and they both depressed me.
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Astrid~ You should just call your doc office and talk to them about the IUI. That way you wouldn't have to wait an entire month to hear the answers. What cycle day are you now? What's your dose of Clomid this month? Did they up it?
Mimid~ I'm not sure I'll test again. Like Jamie, I have no PMS symptoms. No cramping, no emotional stuff going on, no skin breakouts...but for some reason I just KNOW AF is around the corner and I don't want to get my hopes up again. I have already taken 2 tests this month, and they both depressed me.
Astrid~ You should just call your doc office and talk to them about the IUI. That way you wouldn't have to wait an entire month to hear the answers. What cycle day are you now? What's your dose of Clomid this month? Did they up it?
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thanks, guys.
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Now, why I've been in and out and disappearing just to come back a day or two later.....
Brett is in a new job and has no insurance. He won't have any insurance. Just the way it is. We're not in a position to self pay on any type of testing at all. So, we're not pregnant. We're not getting pregnant any time soon. I'd love to keep the status of "trying" and I can't imagine ever not trying, but I'm at such a crappy point, and I'm starting to feel a bit like the odd man out. I'm not getting pregnant and I can't do anything about it at this point. I'm using the last of my progesterone (not even one cycle's worth, but maybe enough to get my period started). Luckily my super secret dealer might be hooking me up
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heh. Anyway... I feel kind of hopeless right now. People keep saying "It'll happen" or "I'm keeping hope for you." I'm like, "No, it won't happen and you're wasting your time having hope for me..... but thanks?" It a very ugly point and I don't want to leave here but don't feel right about coming in telling everyone how miserable I am all the time when there's nothing I can do about it. "Hi, Johanna here. Still miserable." Ya know?
alas, i suck
Now, why I've been in and out and disappearing just to come back a day or two later.....
Brett is in a new job and has no insurance. He won't have any insurance. Just the way it is. We're not in a position to self pay on any type of testing at all. So, we're not pregnant. We're not getting pregnant any time soon. I'd love to keep the status of "trying" and I can't imagine ever not trying, but I'm at such a crappy point, and I'm starting to feel a bit like the odd man out. I'm not getting pregnant and I can't do anything about it at this point. I'm using the last of my progesterone (not even one cycle's worth, but maybe enough to get my period started). Luckily my super secret dealer might be hooking me up
alas, i suck
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well, I guess I'm finally ready to mention last cycle for me.
for the last 20mos, I've only felt PG 2X before & therefor probably a chem PG.
I never tested those cycles b/c I just had a little late AF.
Well Last mon, I kept saying to DH... I really feel PG.
(I get really early PG signs) - even DH said he thought I was...
so I tested & got +'s for 4 days...
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but I wanted to be sure b/f I said anything.
Then no more +s
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: & did get AF a few days late.
That really put me in a tizzy as you all know we're really having trouble deciding about the IUI - money, odds & all.
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***Another thing... DS (26 mos) is a total booby boy & I thought, I'm gonna be B/f'ing 4-ever - he's NEVER gonna wean
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well the day b/f I got the 1st +, he virtually stopped b/f'ing - took a couple sucks & made a face & did not want to nurse.
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I thought WTH??? was I PG & he did not like the taste anymore?
we did that a few more days & now he's done - well he' still tries @ night a few times but ????
DH was SO happy to think I was PG...
now I just feel beat down.
ugh...
sorry to dump on y'all.
But feeling really sad today.
(((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))) to us
Johanna - your "dealer"
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Ary - hugs
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Mom2Ellis, djs_girls517 - hope & fingers X'd
for the last 20mos, I've only felt PG 2X before & therefor probably a chem PG.
I never tested those cycles b/c I just had a little late AF.
Well Last mon, I kept saying to DH... I really feel PG.
(I get really early PG signs) - even DH said he thought I was...
so I tested & got +'s for 4 days...
Then no more +s
That really put me in a tizzy as you all know we're really having trouble deciding about the IUI - money, odds & all.
***Another thing... DS (26 mos) is a total booby boy & I thought, I'm gonna be B/f'ing 4-ever - he's NEVER gonna wean
well the day b/f I got the 1st +, he virtually stopped b/f'ing - took a couple sucks & made a face & did not want to nurse.
I thought WTH??? was I PG & he did not like the taste anymore?
we did that a few more days & now he's done - well he' still tries @ night a few times but ????
DH was SO happy to think I was PG...
now I just feel beat down.
ugh...
sorry to dump on y'all.
But feeling really sad today.
(((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))) to us
Johanna - your "dealer"
Ary - hugs
Mom2Ellis, djs_girls517 - hope & fingers X'd
Polka, I'm so sorry for your apparent loss. I truly don't know what to say. It sounds so unfair.
What strikes me as I read everyone's posts is that there is so much gray area. How can this be? I really thought you are either pregnant or your not. No such thing as "a little pregnant", right? Clearly this is not the case. You can be slightly pregnant, slightly unpregnant, very pregnant one day, completely unpregnant the next.
Johanna, I know you feel like the odd one out, but I really feel right there with you. Yes, I'm starting treatment, but only because it seems like a last ditch effort. Nothing every worked before ,and I don't have a problem to be fixed anyone can seem to find. Basically, I'm throwing money out the window.
I know it took a lot for you to share your losses. I know those are close to your heart and soul. It really made me feel less lonely though, to know, I am not the only person who will be thinking "what if" on Thanksgiving Day.
Peace to all,
Hil
What strikes me as I read everyone's posts is that there is so much gray area. How can this be? I really thought you are either pregnant or your not. No such thing as "a little pregnant", right? Clearly this is not the case. You can be slightly pregnant, slightly unpregnant, very pregnant one day, completely unpregnant the next.
Johanna, I know you feel like the odd one out, but I really feel right there with you. Yes, I'm starting treatment, but only because it seems like a last ditch effort. Nothing every worked before ,and I don't have a problem to be fixed anyone can seem to find. Basically, I'm throwing money out the window.
I know it took a lot for you to share your losses. I know those are close to your heart and soul. It really made me feel less lonely though, to know, I am not the only person who will be thinking "what if" on Thanksgiving Day.
Peace to all,
Hil
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