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Discussion Starter #1
This is mostly for those of you who are trying for their first baby...<br><br>
So who knows? Is it practically common knowledge that you and your partner are trying to start a family, or is it a secret? Or somewhere in between?<br><br>
When we first started trying back in October, it was totally secret; the only people who knew were a couple of long-distance friends who read my blog. It was a delicious feeling, knowing that we were starting a family and nobody else knew but us. I didn't even tell my sister and we're pretty close.<br><br>
Well when I got pregnant, of course, many people got told-- family, friends, even a few coworkers. The reactions were overwhelmingly positive (if a little shocked) and I did get a couple of "and, um, was this on purpose?" type questions b/c of the secrecy. During the miscarriage, I ended up telling even more people-- my managers, other coworkers-- for practical reasons. It is apparently much harder to hide the sadness of a miscarriage than the joy of a pregnancy.<br><br>
Now, everybody KNOWS that we're trying to start a family. Nobody will be surprised if we announce another pregnancy; they're all expecting it. Although I'm happy to know that I have my family's support, I miss the feeling of having that secret knowledge. I regret that any time a few months from now, they will be answering the phone already wondering if it's the news. Also, I'm a pretty private person, and while I was OK with telling a few coworkers that I was pregnant (because they would find out eventually, right?) I'm not that comfortable with *most* of them knowing that we're trying to get pregnant.<br><br>
I know there's nothing I can do about it, but I was curious as to what everyone feels comfortable with sharing. How comfortable are you with the idea of other people "knowing"? Does it bolster you to know that people are rooting for you and keeping you in their prayers and etc, or do you wish it was still a private, secret thing?
 

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We have been selective about who we have told. I guess I didn't want the wondering from them - every time I don't order alcohol on a Friday night at dinner with my in-laws they would wonder. My mom would look for every little sign such as me just saying I am tired after a long day at work. I have told a few (less than 5) close friends but that is about it. We intend to keep it secret for a couple weeks after the BFP too (probably just until we get confirmation from the doctor) but that may be easier said than done. I don't plan to tell my work until I can't hide it anymore. I think in a way though we aren't really fooling anyone. My in-laws seem to just be waiting for the announcement and my parents keep hinting they would like a grandchild <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Pretty much everyone close to us knows, and I don't mind that they know--but I don't like the constant "so are you pregnant yet" questions! I'd like to keep quiet on a BFP for a few weeks to make sure it is going to stick before we let people know about it!
 

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Our families know we want kids, and relatively soon, but no one knows the exact time frame - especially since we bumped it up a month! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
But, I have told a lot of my friends, especially since many of them are either trying themselves, about to try, or have babies. They are a great support system to have around. And I've told this message board - again, a great support system!<br><br>
We're keeping it quiet for now - mainly because if we did get PG this cycle, we'd be out of the country until about week six or seven, and I don't want to cause our parents any more worry than they will already have!<br><br>
Plus, it will be fun to come back and say, hey our souvenir will be here in nine months! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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We didn't tell people for a long time, but eventually we started mentioning it in passing.<br><br>
For us, it took 26 months to conceive. We had been married for 4 1/2 years when we got pregnant. I was irritable and weepy, and I didn't like answering the odd comments about "well, you've been married a long time, when are we getting a grandbaby?" So, sharing a little bit helped those comments to be quieted.
 

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With #1 we only told probably 2 people we were trying.<br>
This time it's taken longer, so I've confided in a couple of friends (tops probably 5 people). While I don't want people to know, it is very usefull to have someone to talk to when we're having a bad week.
 

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My close girlfriends, my mom, and a few message boards know that we're trying now, and I'm sure the rest of the family guesses. They knew it was going to be sometime soon.<br><br>
And pretty much all of our friends that are through DH know. I really wasn't expecting him to tell people, but when we decided that April/May was when we were going to start TTC (this was a few months ago) he started telling people that "hopefully Laura will be pregnant soon!" I didn't mind so much because it's cute that he's as excited about it as I am.<br><br>
Luckily we haven't had anyone asking us if we're PG or not - although this is just Cycle #1 so I could see that coming.<br><br>
Laura
 

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I had only told my mom, sister, and best friend, but my DH has a hard time keeping anything a secret...so I think the whole world knows now. He actually told my best friend before I could...I told him that when I get pregnant, I want to be the one tell people...he needs to wait for my lead...otherwise, everyone will know within the first five minutes!!!!
 

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I’ve been thinking about this lately. I had always planned to keep it a secret until the 2nd tri. But we’ve been trying since last summer, and in that time I have started to hint to a few people. Just three girlfriends, really. One of them is in the same situation – she and her dh have just started to try, but haven’t had success yet. So she is pulling for me. And I’m very glad that I’ve told her.<br><br>
I think I would have a hard time talking to most of the women in my family about it though. And random people are starting to ask if/when we’ll have kids. (we’ve been married 4 ½ years now). I’m talking about male friends from college and middle aged male friends of the family. Ugh.<br><br>
I also sort of hinted at it to my brother recently, which was rather awkward. He was trying to plan a trip for our entire family (something that never happens) for January, and wanted to know if we were definitely interested. So I had to say that there was a chance that we wouldn’t be able to travel then. He got the idea, but I wonder if he thinks that means I might already be pg. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
Oh, and my dentist. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> At my last appt, 6 months ago, I was in the 2ww and I told her I couldn’t get xrays. She figured it out, got all excited, and when I was leaving she said “Next time I see you hopefully you’ll have a big belly.”<br><br>
My next appointment is <i>today</i>. I’m on 12dpo – spotting with a temp drop today. I have to decide if I want to forego those xrays.... again. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"><br><br><br>
Ok, end of pity party. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br><br>
It’s funny, DH seems ready to tell people. One of our friends (DH’s former roommate) asked us back in Oct (at his son’s 1st birthday party) when we were going to have kids. So, a few weeks ago we were on our way to visit these friends again, and DH asked me if it was ok to say we were trying if our friend asked again. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent">
 

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EVERYONE knows we're TTC. When I found out I had endometriosis, we just sorta told people that and that we were TTC. At first it was nice because people stopped asking when we were planning on having kids. Well, now that we've been TTC quite awhile, I feel like a watched pot.<br><br>
Once we do get pregnant, we'll probably stay quiet for the first trimester. That is, if DH and I can keep our mouths shut! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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We haven't told anyone at all - which has been very difficult because we are very close to my parents. I have a weekly standing "walking date" with my mom and we generally get together with my parents and brother and his family every weekend.<br><br>
We debated this for a long time. On one hand, it would be great to have more people available to pray for us during this time. On the other hand, we were worried about the pressure of people asking "so, are you pg yet?"<br><br>
I'm happy we made the decision to keep it just between us. I think it has brought us even closer together as a couple. The toughest part, other than trying to keep my big mouth shut, is that we have to de-baby the house everytime we have company. We have to hide all the baby books, hide any evidence of ovulation tests or hpts, get the pre-seed wrappers out of the trash, etc. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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I love this question...<br>
We told everyone we were trying with our first. We had been married for 5 years and I had just finished the coursework for my PhD. It came of no surprise and everyone was rooting us along. Now it is different, general consensus among our family (and some friends) is that we should wait, but I always wanted to have my kids close together so we are being a bit sneaky and I think people will be a surprised and a little dare I say disappointed when (if) we come up pg soon. A whole different way around it. It does feel nice to have a little privacy around the issue I just hope it doesn't take years like it did for my sisters second.
 

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we're trying for #3 and I've only told my friends. My MIL would say we're being irresponsible etc.<br>
At first we got all this pressure from them to have children...now we have two and we feel pretty sure that if we told them we're trying they'd tell us it's a bad idea. We waited to tell his folks we were preg with #1 until I was 3mo preg though b/c we were worried they'd buy up an entire baby boutique.<br>
Good luck to all of you going for#1!!!!!<br>
Enjoy the ride.<br>
chris
 

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We are TTCing #5 and, so far, everyone we've come in contact with knows! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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We started ttc last May for #1, and for the life of me I couldn't shut my mouth off.....I'd to tell!<br><br>
With in-laws and my family the reason I told them because I actaully had to give them a date when I would start trying cause after 6 years of marrige they (mainly MIL) got tired of my Not ttc thing. So I told them as soon as we started.<br><br>
My sisters know of course!<br><br>
My friends know, 2 of my co-workers know and now my Boss knows! And she is very supportive , cause she BTDT...!!<br><br>
I'm really glad that I told everyone cause they don't keep asking when we'll ttc they already know and they are supportive of the fact that it's taking time!<br><br>
Bottom line -I'm SO GLAD that I told everyone!!
 

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We have told two long distance male friends. Who could really give a crap. Otherwise, no one. Not my mom, friends, people at work. No one.<br><br>
I think if we were ttc #1, it might be different. But when you already have at least one (I have a DD and DW has a DD) and you tell people you're ttc but having difficulty, the first friggin thing outta their mouths is either "Maybe it wasn't meant to be/but you already have children/why???" and that just stings.<br><br>
Also, since we're gay, telling people we're ttc brings up all the typical 'where is the sperm coming from?' questions and people's various feelings on that. If you have someone you know "that's just weird. And he won't be involved? Or he will? That's just weird/" or whether you're using anonymous donor sperm "Oh, that's like having a stranger's baby!". Can't win either way.<br><br>
We're keeping our mouths shut until hopefully at least 10 wks pg. That way, whatever objections/questions people may have about our decision to have another child, they will (hopefully) realize that the time to impart judgment to change our decision has long passed.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Wow, Girlie, that *is* complicated. I was just keeping quiet b/c the DP and I aren't actually married yet; it'll be next month but we've been engaged for a couple of years now and living together for ... 5 years? 6? I can't calculate at the moment. While I figured my parents and especially my mom would be happy with an actual pregnancy (and she was, after a minute) they might not be OK with the idea of our actually trying so far before the wedding.<br><br>
I guess it all comes down to the same thing: it's nobody's business but <i>ours</i>. Everyone seems entitled to an opinion on something that frankly doesn't concern them, whether it's babies spaced close together like heatherRN, more kids than the average like Chris, being unmarried like me, or being gay.<br><br>
I'm trying to be glad that basically everyone knows now. I've gotten nothing but positive feedback really. I just really miss having the secret together with my DP...
 

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The only people that know about us ttc are my SIL and a girl in one of my classes. I tried to talk to my mom about it, but she totally wrote me off, saying that we couldn't possibly be ready, even though by the time she was my age I was already 1. 22 is not too young, who suddenly decided that you have to be at least 25 to have kids? So we're keeping it a secret and when it works it'll probably be presented as a whoops. I've always been adamant about not wanting kids and I don't want to deal with I-told-you-sos from everyone about changing my mind. People change their minds. Get over it.<br><br>
I also like having a secret with my dh.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>kluella</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7938292"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I tried to talk to my mom about it, but she totally wrote me off, saying that we couldn't possibly be ready, even though by the time she was my age I was already 1. 22 is not too young, who suddenly decided that you have to be at least 25 to have kids?</div>
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My mom thinks DH and I are too young and I am 27 and he is going to be 34 very soon, so I know how you feel. DH has a B.S. and I have my B.S. and MBA. We both have very good careers, own a house, care for a spoiled dog....what more can we do to prove we can handle a baby? I think once it happens she will be excited but I don't need her 'lecture' if she knows we are for sure TTC.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Nicole!</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7929689"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well, now that we've been TTC quite awhile, I feel like a watched pot.</div>
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Ya that!! We have been trying for a long time and I an gratefull for the support of our friends, however, I DO feel like a watched POT!!!
 
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