[Sunflower223]

My daughter has to stay with my family during the day when I am in school. Over the last few months my mom realized that TV makes dd comatose and has started letting her watch it all the time. We don't even have cable or satellite, we do have a few movies for dd to watch from time to time but now that is all she wants to do.<br><br>
As soon as she wakes up she walks in the room and points at the TV and says tv, tv. As soon as I put her in bed she starts screaming TV TV TV. She cries and throws a wild kicking/screaming tantrum if I don't let her watch a dvd and I don't feel right giving into her. She won't stop crying when I don't let her watch TV and I feel bad and I feel evil because it makes her happy even though its really bad and I know that and if I do then I feel bad because she is sitting alone starring at a television, which I know isn't good for her in so many ways.<br><br>
What do I do about this behaviour? Do we have to get rid of the TV's? DH and I like to watch movies it doesn't seem fair to completely remove the televisions from the house.

 

[oliversmum2000]

i would mov it to another room, and at the end of the day just say no, i too was scared to say no to my ds, he was totally addicted to tv, i now realise that i was actually setting him free by not allowing him to watch, and that tv had a horrible hold over him that he wasnt able to break free from without my help. i do believe that tv is addictive, and that the kindest thing to do to recovering addicts is to remove all temptation and support them and love them while they go through cold turkey.<br><br>
i have no tv in my main family room and my 3 children barely mention tv, they watch 2 programs on a sunday morning on the tv in the master bedroom (as i like to sleep in on a sunday morning <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> and thats it, and being in the main bedroom it means dh and i still have sccess to it should we ant it.<br><br>
by saying no you are giving her a gift - read 'plug in drug' it will confirm all you currently suspect.

 

[RedWine]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>oliversmum2000</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7941060"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">i would mov it to another room, and at the end of the day just say no, i too was scared to say no to my ds, he was totally addicted to tv, i now realise that i was actually setting him free by not allowing him to watch, and that tv had a horrible hold over him that he wasnt able to break free from without my help. i do believe that tv is addictive, and that the kindest thing to do to recovering addicts is to remove all temptation and support them and love them while they go through cold turkey.<br><br>
i have no tv in my main family room and my 3 children barely mention tv, they watch 2 programs on a sunday morning on the tv in the master bedroom (as i like to sleep in on a sunday morning <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> and thats it, and being in the main bedroom it means dh and i still have sccess to it should we ant it.<br><br>
by saying no you are giving her a gift - read 'plug in drug' it will confirm all you currently suspect.</div>
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Everything she said.

 

[captivatedlife]

Have you tried unplugging the tv? The snow isn't interesting.... maybe once she sees that it only works on Sunday mornings or whatever, she'll be all right....<br><br>
good luck,<br><br>
a former tv obsessed person, tv free for 9 months!

 

[philomom]

Find another caregiver for your dd.<br><br>
And detox. Maybe even just unplug your set for a time and put a heavy quilt over it.

 

[numericmama]

I agree with the previous posters. I would turn it off, and cover it up or remove it. My son is older, so if he turns it on, I pull out the cable and then it won't work.<br><br>
Can your talk to your mom about turning off the tv or find a new child care provider?<br><br>
It is amazing how much more creative and less bored kids become when the tv is off! Also, if I have a bad day and let him watch tv while I am working, I notice it in his behavior and lack of self-control later when the tv time is over.<br><br>
You may have a few rough days while detoxing, but she will ask for it less and less as she is consistantly told it is not available.

 

[Sunflower223]

I am finishing up school so it will be a while before I need a caregiver again. She hasn't watched TV at all in a few days and she is getting better about it.<br><br>
I really don't have a lot of options with caregivers. I am going to try to talk to my mom about it before school starts back. I talked to my mom about it once but she gives in very easily when Ireland starts whining and she is most definately not going to be willing to move her TVs.

 

[hippymomma69]

One suggestions is to make it a part of your routine so that it will help with whining and give your mom a break if she needs it. For example, my DD gave up naps and I was desperate - but then we instituted "video time" instead of nap time once a day. It's a great break for me and when she asks at other times I can say "that is for video time"....<br><br>
just a suggestion....<br>
peace,<br>
robyn

 

[limabean]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Sunflower223</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7958748"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I really don't have a lot of options with caregivers.</div>
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I guess you'll have to decide how important this issue is to you then. If your mom didn't live close by you'd figure out another form of child care, right? It can be done, you just need to decide whether the TV issue is a big enough deal to you to outweigh the trouble/disruption of finding another caregiver.<br><br>
The more TV my DS watches, the more he wants to watch, too, so I know where you're coming from there. We now limit him to one half-hour show before bedtime. Throughout the day, if he says he wants to watch something, I tell him, "Okay, remember that so you can pick it out before bed." He doesn't press beyond that, and really after a few days of limiting his TV viewing, he doesn't really mention it at all. It's hard in your situation where she'll be continuously reintroduced to it while she's in your mom's care.

 

[seamama11]

Can you show your mom info that says young children should not be watching tv. Or maybe say she can watch like 30 minutes once a week. We have a tv at my parents house (we are living here until June) and we don't let our son who is almost 10 months watch any tv. At our new place we will have a small tv in our room for movies.....and hopefully charlie wont even notice it.<br>
Sarah

 

[PikkuMyy]

It sounds like your mom needs actual activities that she can do with your DD to replace that time - do you have materials and books with projects that you can give her to do, even from the library?

 

[mammal_mama]

I used to keep the TV off practically all the time, and limit computer-time as well -- and I noticed my oldest (just turned 7) was obsessing and obsessing over when she'd get to watch/play again. My youngest (just turned 2) was also highly drawn to both TV and computer whenever they were on.<br><br>
A few months back, I stopped limiting. At first it seemed like my oldest was watching non-stop ... and my toddler was always wanting something playing on the TV.<br><br>
But recently I've noticed a definite leveling-out of interest in these mediums. At first, I think they were trying to watch all they could out of fear I'd take it away again. Now that they realize they really can watch whenever they want, and I'm not taking it away, they're getting interested in other things again.<br><br>
Seriously, as long as TV isn't the only interesting thing in your dd's life, I don't think you have to worry about it being a permanent addiction. The addictive behavior you're seeing right now is probably due to the fact that she's getting to enjoy lots of TV at your mom's, and she'd like to enjoy it more at home, too.<br><br>
It's the same way you or I might feel if we were only allowed to do a particular something we enjoyed 30 minutes a week -- and someone else decided when we could have that 30 minutes. As small children, we might trustingly assume that x was only available at certain times ... but if we visited another home where people enjoyed x whenever they wanted, it would be natural for us to try for more x as well.

 

[Emmom]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mammal_mama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7972846"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Seriously, as long as TV isn't the only interesting thing in your dd's life, I don't think you have to worry about it being a permanent addiction. The addictive behavior you're seeing right now is probably due to the fact that she's getting to enjoy lots of TV at your mom's, and she'd like to enjoy it more at home, too.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
Personally, I'm a big believer in the forbidden fruit effect.<br>
As anecdotal evidence--my parents limited TV with me, my in-laws didn't with my dh... guess who exhibits "addicted" behavior in regards to TV? That's right, me. Although I'm getting a lot better since I've stopped 'restricting' my own watching (i.e. stopped feeling "bad" for watching TV or wanting to)<br><br>
And so far, with my 2 yr old, not restricted or worrying about his TV watching has worked out ok. Just my story--I'm sure others have contradictory ones...

 

[nichole]

just do what you think is best. dont be afraid to say no! maybe your mom can take her to the park? i try not to complain if my free babysitters allow tv. seems like she expects it at the times your mom allows it? can you talk to your mom and reach a compromise...like one hour a day?<br><br>
i'm a limiting mom. just b/c i like it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> my cold turned into laryngitis today and i cut the tv on. we had it off for a week and it was WONDERFUL and now i dont feel bad that it is on today. of course since it was off for so long he is glued to the tv and i'm resting my voice a bit.<br><br>
also ds often makes ridiculous requests at bedtime. if i get him into bed even 30 min too late he is very unreasonable. you are the mom. have a backbone. of course if tv is right for your family, thats your call...not your mom's or mdc's. i like the idea of self-regulating but i feel ds is too young still.