[tri31]

I am 31. I have two great kids, dd 13 and ds 11. I married the love of my life last year. I am pregnant

:
I am elated. But I feel like I am the only pregnant woman on Earth with children to be spaced so far apart. I think it will be great. Do any of you have any words of wisdom for us?

 

[KalamazooMom]

Congrats! You will do fine. A good friend of mine was in a similar situation. She had three kids raging in ages from 9-13. She married hubby #2 at age 39 and right away got unexpectedly pregnant. At first the kids were not happy. But now the baby is about 6 mos and let me tell you those kids *adore* their baby brother. And now the older kids are telling her that she needs to have 2 more babies so they can *each* have one of their own!

 

[SweetAfton]

Built in baby sitters!

When I was 13, I loved kids (not much has changed

) and begged my parents to have another.

They didn't.

 

[Grace43]

Congrats! No great advice, but I was born when my parents had 11 and 13 year old girls. They were understandably freaked out when they were told a new arrival was on the way, but were a huge help after I was born. Two things I remember that might be helpful, if totally obvious:

1) Maybe not AP, but when I was 9 months old, my parents left me with relatives for a week and took a vacation with just the older two. I'm sure it helped my sibs to have some time with just the "original" family.

2) Once your babe hits toddlerhood, make an effort to keep him/her out of the older kids' stuff or space. I remember desperately wanting to invade my sisters' rooms, but they were at the age where privacy was really important.

Good luck to you! The three of us are close as adults--so it's not a bad thing!

 

[jgmommo]

My sister married a wonderful man when her son from another relationship was 9. Now she has an 11 yr old and a 1 yr old. Her older son adores his younger brother, watches out for him all the time, explains choking hazards to friends who visit, etc.

 

[quantumleap]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SweetAfton Built in baby sitters! When I was 13, I loved kids (not much has changed ) and begged my parents to have another. They didn't.

NO, NO, NO!!!! I loved kids too, and babysat a lot for other people, but when I was expected to babysit my 11 years younger brother, the resentment was unbelieveable. My parents saw it as "contributing" to the family unit, and they did have a point, however, a child is a child, and not a babysitter. I think the best way to handle it would be, "preteen/teen, do you have time, and would you like to watch infant/toddler sibling?" and then be prepared to find another solution if they aren't keen.
On one hand, caring for my little brother was really good for me - it made be comfortable and confident in my abilities and it was something special and unique that my friends didn'nt get to do. Also, having a much younger sibling gives older children the freedom to indulge in "childish" activities long after they are "supposed" to move on to grown up activities. For example, the younger sibling is a good excuse to enjoy the zoo, swinging on swings, etc. But, there is potential for a lot of resentment if things aren't handled properly.
Also, you are not alone, not at all. I can't tell you how many people I know who either are the children with the big gap or have children with a big gap. Maybe it's like the phenomenon where, once you're pregnant it seems like everyone else is also pregnant. In any case, you will find people "like you". You have a great opportunity to widen your older childrens' world by introducing a new baby, and the baby will have a great resource and confidants in his/her older siblings. All will be well. And I adore my brother.
Congratulations on the pregnancy!
Katia

 

[BelovedK]

wow, you'll be just fine

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Enjoy every minute of it

 

[woobysma]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jgmommo Now she has an 11 yr old and a 1 yr old. Her older son adores his younger brother, watches out for him all the time, explains choking hazards to friends who visit, etc.

I have a 9yr old and a 2 yr old. Not as big an age difference, but still sizable. I love it. There's some tricky scheduling stuff, but it's fun, for the most part.

My brothers and I are 9 & 12 years apart (I think

) - we're still close, but not like my sisters and I are (all 2 years apart) - but I think that might be more of a gender thing than an age thing.

 

[De-lovely]

Congrats! Here are my sibling breakdown:

Sister 28
Me 26
Brother 14
Sister 9
Brother 8

I think its amazing! Enjoy!

 

[Momma Aimee]

i have a freind MY age (well ok she is 34) and she has a 3 year old little brother !!! yes from her orgianl mom and dad -- can we all say SURPRISE -- ah and SHE has a 6 month old baby of her own....

my boyfreind in college was 22 adn 24 when his two youngest sibs were born.

my sister's babysitter is 24 and has a 2 and 5 and 7 year old sib -- all of whom were born at home where her there, she "doulaed" for her mom and th elast one....

soooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I think families come in all shapes and make-ups.....each with its own PROS and it s own challanges..................

I would not EXPECT built in babysitters, butttttttttttt if the older two WANT to -- i would be glad to take advantage of it. do things like ASK if they can babysit on X night (when they are older and the baby is a tot or whatever) so as to be respectful of their life....but if i had a baby sib when i was 11 or 13 my mom would have had to have beaten me off with a stcik and said "me momma, not you"

Quote:

Also, having a much younger sibling gives older children the freedom to indulge in "childish" activities long after they are "supposed" to move on to grown up activities. For example, the younger sibling is a good excuse to enjoy the zoo, swinging on swings, etc.

yes................... maybe it will help the preteen and teen relish the childhood a little longer...."Well we can go to the zoo FOR THE BABY

"

what a great bridge for them into being repsonbible, but still being a kid.

Also what a great life lesson for then about the REALITY of a baby -- yes they are cute, yes they are fun, no you don't want one of your own at 15!!!!!!

Congrats......relish every second of it....... (are you in teh nov DDC with me?? I think i saw you there...)

Aimee

 

[Cruella_DeVille]

My kids are spaced apart pretty well. My oldest will be 18 this May and my youngest will be 1 this May with a 13-year-old and almost 3-year-old in the middle.

My older kids, especially my oldest is a wonderful help to me when I'm wrangling the two youngest. I try not to have them babysit for an extended period of time unless it's either really important or money is involved. They do watch the boys for me minutes here and there (have to cook, stepping out of the house for a second, am on the phone etc). They do complain from time to time but usually it's when they're feeling out of sorts or just need to hang out with me and have my full attention for themselves.

I think what's really cool is that my eldest is A#1 in my 3-yr-old's eyes and my eldest beams whenever I tell him this

Both my older kids have a lot of fun with the young ones ... they also get irritated with 'em from time to time but that's to be expected.

It's worked out a-okay for me and mine and I'm sure it will work out well for you as well.

BTW, my last two, blessed surprises!

 

[memz]

My family is like that.

Me 26
Sister 17
Sister 7
Sister 5

It was hard for me with my first sister, because she would follow me around and want to do the same has me(normal, but for a preteen and teen got on my nerves

)

For the 2 last sisters, it was great. I was old enough that I did my own thing anyway. And i'm kind af a second mother to them. It's great!!

 

[newmommy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SweetAfton Built in baby sitters!

Congratulations OP

I have to cringe at the comment above

As the 2nd Oldest of 4 younger siblings, I was EXPECTED to babysit all the time. Without Pay. And it made me resentful.

:

 

[Storm Bride]

DS1 will be 14 on the 19th of this month.

DD is 4 in May.
DS2 is 2 in July.
Baby-under-construction is due late Oct/early Nov.

DS1 has loved having younger siblings. We do get him to babysit, and sometimes it's when he's not really in the mood. However, we also let him off the hook a lot, as well. It's hard when your dd is crying at her brother's door "let me in - PLLEEEEEAAASE - I want to play with you - PLEEEEAAASE let me in", but I want ds1 to know that he has his own time for his own "stuff". We also pay him for some of the babysitting, but some is treated as his contribution to the family unit.

He fell absolutely in love with his little sister. (Of course, he'd been waiting a long time for a sibling.). He adores his baby brother. He's totally looking forward to the new baby. Yes - it's a very different family dynamic than most people are used to, but we've found it works out great.

 

[Mama Poot]

Congrats! I was about 15 when my mom got pregnant. She sadly miscarried, but before then she was already expecting me to be a babysitter and at 15 I had never babysat, didn't want to, hated kids honestly. It made me resentful and angry and I threatened to move away to my dad's. It was such a shame that her insistance on me being a babysitter ( just like I was her housekeeper, gardener, cook, and everything else but thats another thread! ) marred the short time she was even pregnant that I could have spent being excited and happy instead of angry.

 

[BrooklynDoula]

A very good friend of mine was 21 (his brother 22) when their mom was surpirsed by being pg (she thought she was not fertile anymore) so they have a spread almost twice yours! Congrats

 

[Blue Dragonfly]

My sister and I were just a little older than yours when our (step)mom became pregnant. We were really resentful that we were't "enough" for my parents. However, I have to say, my mom handled it very well. She did what she could to make sure we knew that we were not being replaced. She also bought us a gift from our new brother (I still have it). In the beginning she had to work pretty hard to mediate/facilitate our relationship, but I am so close to my brother (and a few years later a sister) that I can't imagine not having them.

I also really appreciated her trying to keep our baby siblings out of our space, unless we invited them in.

I was however HORRIFIED that my parents had sex to have a baby. So horrified I didn't tell any of my friends. They only found out because my 7 mo. pregnant mom came to my Christmas concert. All my friends thought I was nuts and couldn't believe I didn't tell them.

 

[sarahmae1]

My mom got remarried when I was 13 and my brother was 11. She had my (half)brother the following year. I thought it was great, and I loved helping out with him when he was a baby and toddler. When I went away to college we became distant but my two brothers are still very close.

 

[RBinTEX]

Read my sig. Our "surprise" came when I was 38. The older kids adore her. They take baths with her, take her to the potty, get her snacks out of the frigde, push her on the swing, follow her up and down the driveway while she rides her tricycle.

She also breaks up their get togethers with friends, colors on homework, steals their treats, throws tantrums to get her way with them, scratches their CDs, and she even left teeth marks on the screen of an expensive iPod Video.

They don't really "babysit," but I do ask them to take turns with her while I try to scrub a toilet or do laundry. (The alternative, of course, is to let them scrub the toilet while I play with the baby! They'd rather play with the baby!)

 

[shay]

I was 12 when my baby sister was born! Loved it and we have a good relationship today.

My kids are spaced out at ages 18, 12 and 5. All the same marriage, all intentional. Dealing with the senior, we really have learned to cherish and appreciate the sweetness of a preschooler!

Relax, you'll have a blast with this baby.