Mothering Forum banner

1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,999 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay, first is I cannot seem to get my 3year old to stop trying to be a jerk with her little brother. She's so good with him, and then suddenly she'll try and sit on his head, or poke him in the eye. Or wait until I'm not looking and then see if he'll get upset with whacking him.<br><br>
I don't want her to feel like I don't trust her. But I don't.<br><br>
Reasoning doesn't work at all here. She's a smarty, but isn't very good at either empathy or self control yet. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
The really annoying one though, and I need lots of help here.<br><br>
My 5 year old is being very sassy and mean to her sister and me. I think she's getting it from other children who are allowed to be like that with their sisters and Moms.<br><br>
Until recently, this hasn't been a problem. The girls have gotten on very well. With the occassional problem between them (like the 5 year old waiting until I left the room, and whispering to her sister that she's stupid....I was REALLY upset about that one).<br><br>
I have asked her why she is doing this. She tells me that she wants to make me feel bad. It doesn't make me feel bad, I just don't accept being spoken to with such disrespect.<br><br>
I find this sassy disrespectful behaviour unacceptable in our home. So I'm not going to just accept it and wait for it to go away. That would work with my 3 year old's personality, but not my 5 year olds.<br><br>
She's smart and usually a really nice person. She does though have an edge to her personality where she will push and ante up more and more and more - way beyond what is normal for her age group. And she's ALWAYS been like that. For example, this behaviour has been building for about a month now. She's been slowly building it up, and I think watching how some of the other children treat their little siblings and Moms and taking notes on what to try next. Yes, I mean literally. You can watch her do this - she'll stop and carefully pay attention to a piece of behaviour from one family/child, and you can pretty much guarantee that she's gonna try it at some point in the next day.<br><br>
Usually she's been easy to guide to better behaviour to emulate. I'm not sure who she's emulating right now or if it is a combination of children. She's fascinated by teenagers right now. (uhggggggg.....) So I think it might be a new neighbour, a next door friend who is great but her and her sister have a very adversarial relationship, and a girl in her class and some of the grade sixers at her school.<br><br>
I am pretty sure this behaviour hasn't come to a head yet. My three year old is starting to emulate it (which is actually a bit cute the way she does it, but I still tell her not to and wait to laugh later....the hand gestures are hilarious).<br><br>
My DH doesn't get this behaviour. However, she also doesn't talk or interact with him even 25% as much as me.<br><br>
So with such a long post, someone is going to have a one sentence perfect answer right? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
199 Posts
I'm having some similar problems- and, one day, while browsing the bookstore, I decided to pick up Nanny 911. It's a book written by the Nannies on the show on discipline.<br><br>
I had been using time out, but felt like it just wasn't working. Thing is, I wasn't persistent enough with it. After 30 minutes (or longer) of taking my son back to time out everytime he walked out... until he stayed in 2 minutes.. he finally got it.<br><br>
The book has really been helpful in solving some of the behaviour issues we've had. Hubby and I both come from spanking families. However, my parents used timeouts and other methods as well, and his family? Well, it was just THE BELT. It's been tough for him to get out of the spanking thing, so I have to be the one to test everything out and pray it works before he'll try it. It's tough to get rid of that mindset, when you've grown up with it- even though he absolutely hated it.<br><br><br>
Some days are particularly hectic, and I feel like shutting myself in a closet. I've found that these are the days when my children REALLY REALLY need my attention. If I'm able, I put them down for naps at separate times so I can devote time to each of them individually. (That's actually what we're doing right now). Sometimes I do that even on days when they are behaving... because it's like a special treat. ALONE TIME WITH MOOOOM! We read together, draw together, and sometimes watch a cartoon together (exatly what's happening at this moment). We also have special snacks together (melted marshmellows sandwiched by graham crackers today). If its nice out, we play outside for a bit- just the two of us.<br><br>
It seems to calm them down quite a bit. Also, on days when my husband is available, but running errands, he'll take one of the kids with him (sometimes both if I need a breath). This allows for special attention from Dad. The other day he took our oldest out to eat- as a special treat.<br><br>
Sometimes we forget our children need A LOT of our attention (even the most independent children- like mine). When we're able to take thirty minutes, or an hour or two, to completely devote to them, it calms them down.<br><br>
Maybe you could make cookies with your oldest, and when the others wake up- they'll have treats!
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
Top